[NT] Okay this is that nightmare question

[INTJMom]

Hey! Xander could build everyone on his list a water-cooled computer!

 

[ed111]

How do you manage to chose presents for people?

Quite often they have no clear hobby or interest, the typical socks purchase is just out and I have a nagging feeling that I want to get it right. It's important to me that it means something to them. Usually I beat myself up whilst trying to think of that one gift that they would like but not think of getting themselves. It's gotten to the point where I have two nephews and a brother in law waiting for some sign that I recall their existence and yet I'm still sat there trying to think of the perfect solution.

Anyhow I figured that asking you lot may reveal some secret I've missed in my NT survival guide.

A long shot but at this point, so close to the season of terror, I'm open to any and all suggestions...

1. Unless it's a very close friend or relative I don't buy presents
2. If they fall into the present buying category, I'll ask them what they want and buy them that. I also buy them a 'surprise' present. That way, it's guaranteed they'll get something they'll want, but will also have some sense of excitement from not knowing what they're getting.
3. For ease I order my items from Amazon and get them pre-wrapped with a message.

 

[Xander]

Mom,
I wish she was a good present picker but at times she's worse than me! She's good for inspiration though.
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This idea that Fi is the problem I think is wrong. I'd place it more as F in the extraverted zone, caring about what other's want not about what you care about. Of course it's of concern and therefore is me being concerned within myself but the source of this concern is from the emotions of others. Hence I think it's Fe more than Fi, not that I really feel that function analysis is as useful as it first appears... something which I'll be addressing in a coming thread on dynamic types.

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I'd just like to say thanks to those who shared. I'm really not looking for specific advice on what to buy for whom or what to look out for but I am interested in how fellow NTs have come to solve the problem. I'm hoping that some things, like Mom's idea on how an experience (whilst seemingly less valuable to me) may be a perfect present for others.

It's not the NT solution I'm looking for but rather what other NTs have done with the information they have gleaned from their years of being berated and nagged by other's about their terrible present skills.

It is interesting to note that we have INTJs who are good present buyers though...

 

[IlyaK1986]

Give them money. Then they can buy the perfect something for themselves. If everyone who ever gave me a box of something for my birthday instead gave me money, things would be a lot better because I could pool presents.

 

[substitute]

I'm pretty good at buying gifts. It can be a lot easier than you think actually, an easy brownie point accumulator...

If it's an old woman, 90% of the time something involving lavander goes down a treat.

If it's a middle aged woman, or indeed most women, a voucher for a day's pampering at a beauty salon is a safe bet.

Quite often, nick-nacks that I would find totally useless and hate to be given are the exact things some people really appreciate. It's quite bizarre... I once got this jubilee commemoration plate, you know the sorts with the gilded edges and stuff? It was given to me as a 'reward' for participating in a community project, given to me by the mayor. I thought 'wtf am I gonna do with THAT? It's too delicate to eat off, and I wouldn't really wanna display it, not my style at all'. On the way home I popped into my godmother's house just to say hi and noticed birthday cards on the windowsill. Shit, I thought, I forgot! Then I had an idea - "Here, this is for you" said I, thrusting the posh looking box towards her. She had tears in her eyes minutes later, and ever since it's been displayed on her mantle piece.

I once forgot my sister's birthday and just went to the closest store to quickly find whatever I could so I could post it in time for it to get there the next day. I figured, she likes self-sufficiency and making her own stuff, so when I spotted a 'make your own ginger ale' kit, I thought hey, that's our baby! So i got home, put it in a box along with a jar of our recently homemade jam with a label I knocked up on the PC in five minutes calling it "Kate's Happy Birthday Jam", and the next day I had a phone call from my sister, in tears and calling it "The most thoughtful present ever!"

That's blagging it.

I often see people in shops and at market stalls, browsing and fawning over stuff that I would personally sweep up and take to the tip. I take in the general ambience of these people and compare it to others I know and make mental notes... hmm, so Yvonne is the kind of person who'd really appreciate a tacky picture of a horse with a soppy slogan underneath...

But usually what I do is think of the first thing that pops into my mind about that person - okay, the first flattering thing - then go to a store where people like them tend to go, and I look around for stuff that just puts me in mind of them. I guess it's a typical Ne way of going about things - just look around and the ether will provide you with the answers.

If you can give me an idea Xander of who it is you're buying a gift for, I could help you brainstorm. That's the thing I do when I really want to put more thought into it. I'll say to a friend who knows the person, "what should I get for them?" and usually the stuff they suggest is crap, but that helps me narrow it down and my reasons I think of for why their suggestions are crap help me to figure out a good suggestion.

 

[nonsequitur]

Hee. I like the way that you described it, substitute. Personally though, I take a more... structured approach. Yes Xander, INTJs can buy good gifts as well.

I guess I kinda utilise all of my cognitive functions together when it comes to doing stuff for people. It's necessary because my Fe is so under-utilised. So I don't think good gift-giving is an Fe thing at all. Driven by Fe (I should do something) yes, but the actual ideas part isn't Fe.

Mostly when people talk I listen, and when they mention something that they're really passionate about, or believe in (Fi!) I just organise that bit of information around my impression of them (Ni+Te). When gift-giving time comes around, I put that information to use. I get something that is either 1) Very practical and I know will be appreciated and well-used 2) Not very practical, but will be loved because it exemplifies that person.

If I just don't know that person very well, I get something funny but tasteful. Funny always works.

It is a very strategic and long-term-planning process. Just gave a birthday gift today, and she completely loved it because 1) She mentioned it in a conversation once 2) She likes throwbacks to her childhood and 3) She's a complete geek.

Brother's birthday is this Sunday, and I'll get him something computer-related. Another friend's birthday next Thursday, and she loves musicals so I'll do something musical-related. Mentor's birthday at the end of this month. He loves model aeroplanes. That should be easy. It's all about personalising things.

 

[substitute]

I think 'I should do something' is more Si than Fe... Fe would be more like 'I want to do something, I want to make them happy'.

edit - actually, women are quite easy to buy for cos there always tends to be something they want. Men can be much harder, cos usually they're not into clothes much and if you ask them what they want, it's either 'nothing' or 'nothing that's in a reasonable price range to request for a gift'.

However, I've found some strategies for buying gifts for men... DVD's can work, like box set collections of their favourite shows. If they smoke, a swanky Zippo lighter... if they drink, a bottle of their favourite tipple... if they're into sports, some paraphenalia to do with their favourite team...if they're into technology, a memory stick for their camera or something. Or maybe some pointless 'executive toy' like those stress balls or perpetual motion type things you can get. Or if you think his masculinity can stand it, a pampering session, but at one of those barbers where they do the proper wet shave with the cut throat razor and hot towels and something-for-the-weekend-sir?

I dunno, but I always seem to find these things rather lame, and many men I think just aren't as excited to get gifts as women seem to be...

 

[nonsequitur]

Yes, yes. I should do something and I want it to make them happy otherwise it would be a complete waste of money and time.

 

[substitute]

Yes, yes. I should do something and I want it to make them happy otherwise it would be a complete waste of money and time.

Haha, you're three quarters of your way to all functions, you have there, respectively, S, F and T... all you need now is the N to instantly hit on the perfect solution

 

[substitute]

Actually, some pet lovers can be really attached to their pets, to levels that I sometimes have to struggle not to find unhinged. I saw someone get a gift once that was basically a portrait of her dog in a gilt frame... I was like but she was like it's so beautiful!!! oh they've caught the naughty, cheeky light in his eyes just perfectly! oh thank you thank you it's the loveliest gift I ever got! And I'm like *mental note*

Actually the same idea can work for people with kids, specially women - get their kids in on a conspiracy and find a way of taking a really nice pic of them in posh clothes against a nice background, photoshop it a bit and splash out on some quality paper to print it on, frame it tastefully and write "from all of us" on the tag - you'd be amazed at how some people can really love such things...

 

[nonsequitur]

Haha, you're three quarters of your way to all functions, you have there, respectively, S, F and T... all you need now is the N to instantly hit on the perfect solution

That was S, F, T and J.

Actually, some pet lovers can be really attached to their pets, to levels that I sometimes have to struggle not to find unhinged. I saw someone get a gift once that was basically a portrait of her dog in a gilt frame... I was like but she was like it's so beautiful!!! oh they've caught the naughty, cheeky light in his eyes just perfectly! oh thank you thank you it's the loveliest gift I ever got! And I'm like *mental note*

Yeah. My friend is completely crazy about her hamsters. Crap. Her birthday is coming up. Luckily she has other obsessions. I don't understand people whose lives revolve around their pets.

 

[substitute]

So basically Xander, what I've been saying is that my approach is to figure that it's all about them, what they want, what they like, and getting that. It doesn't matter what I like, if they like lame stuff (and lots of people do) then get them something lame

If they're somewhat more demanding - the sorts of people who never wear anything that doesn't have a designer label on it - try the 'shopping trip' gift for a woman: basically it means all you do is go with her somewhere and walk around whilst she shops and tries shit on and you just carry her bags and buy her lunch at half-time and put up with it all and tell her she looks great in everything, making much use of the phrase "it's how you feel that counts" (). Maybe kick it off with a gift voucher for her favourite store (easy to find out). If it's a guy, go the executive toy route. Anything you can afford that's either practical or thoughtful, he'll either already have one better or just not be impressed - this is where 'something unusual' or 'something funny' can come into play, like the sorts of things you can get from this site.


Now, if it's a female (or gay male) ESFP, I can confidently say that a chocolate dick is completely foolproof

edit - the shopping trip trick was once responsible for my winning a lady's heart unintentionally... back a few years ago when I was pretty hard up for cash, I said to her, well I can't afford to BUY you anything as great as you deserve, but I wanna take you out and show you a bit of the good life. So I took her to London and we went around Harrods, Harvey Nic's etc, and she tried on all the top designer stuff and I just sat outside the changing room with a decent digital camera borrowed from a friend, she came out the changing rooms and posed and I snapped... it was really funny actually, we were dying of laughter through most of it, giving BS stories to the shop staff about a 'fashion research project' and blagging all sorts of freebies and stuff, I even talked them into giving her a free makeover. Nobody was more shocked than me when she grabbed me and planted a big smacker on my lips later on... She said it was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for her, and I just laughed... I thought I was just being cheap

 

[INTJMom]

Well, that settles it.
Good gift giving takes time and thought.

 

[ZiL]

I conjure up the "essence" of their personality in my head...

And then I look around until I see something that matches it.

Not very efficient.

 

[Eryndil]

Force them to make a list

 

[Xander]

Ayeee carumba!! Subs... you know that comment about talking for Britain?

Insightful stuff... I guess the problem I hit in that process is when someone does like stuff that I don't because of the INTP curse of not paying attention to anything that doesn't interest me, I fear getting it wrong. I'd do daft stuff like buy a Manchester City fan a Manchester United shirt. Unless you watch the darned stuff it really doesn't make sense that they're now steaming mad and I don't watch it.

Perhaps I need to make a few mistakes and gain a little confidence and a bit more "oh nuts to it" kind of approach.

I tell you what though... the worst one to buy for is my ENFJ friend. We both love computer games but I can't buy him one because if it's been released and he likes the look of it, he's got it and if he hasn't got it then chances are he doesn't want it. Talk about bloomin awkward. Oh and he's like this with ALL of his interests.

Thankfully we have an arrangement, it's those who have no arrangement and yet seem to like dumb stuff which cause me problems. That and the whole huge task thing.

Who invented this christmas malarkey anyhow? It's a dumb idea!

 

[substitute]

well you asked for ideas - is it MY fault I have a lot of them?? Geez, would you rather I said "well, I've got a dozen great ideas and lots of experience, but so as not to talk too much I'll just tell you one of them and keep the rest to myself"? Hmmm??

I'll get my coat.

 

[Xander]

well you asked for ideas - is it MY fault I have a lot of them?? Geez, would you rather I said "well, I've got a dozen great ideas and lots of experience, but so as not to talk too much I'll just tell you one of them and keep the rest to myself"? Hmmm??

I'll get my coat.

Oh now hang on a minute. No one said anything about you and pulling.. put the coat down and get the next round..

Btw, no one ever said that saying a lot was a bad thing. Building the tallest building will garner comments like "by God that's a tall building"... it's an entire other matter, and psychosis, to turn this into "that building is too tall".



Flood the pages with your ideas if you wish.

 

[INTJMom]

Laughing out loud.

 

[substitute]

lol sorry Xander but it's true that I do talk too much, I have to go to a lot of effort to get the kind of discipline it takes to STFU when I ought to (or even notice WHEN I ought to!). I haven't had much chance to meditate and stuff lately so the discipline's been slipping and I have been falling back into bad old habits. And in my life, I've been told I talk too much far more often than I've been thanked for my ideas, so... naturally I would associate 'tall' with 'too tall' as it were