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[NT] Okay this is that nightmare question

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
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PPL give me things, I dont. It's some kind of a rule, like i'm charging the universe for my services (or maybe I'm just constantly broke and rather selfish)
 

bcvcdc

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Jul 11, 2009
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last year for my birthday a nice intp friend bought an old antique radio for my car. i love him for it, it's the thought that counts, however when i'm traveling i have problems with the reception. like it's on one channel then when i go under a bridge or something similar, or sometimes out of the blue, the channel will change or another channel will kind of blend in with the first. so i'm listening to something interesting and before long something else gets in the way which makes it hard to enjoy. i think this is because the radio is old. so was my intp friend.
 

sunset5678

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Apr 5, 2009
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I try to think about their personalities...if they are more down to earth and serious...or are they more fun loving or do they like little things they can do around the house and make pr ojects out of? If they use a lot of electronics like cell phones or ipods that you can do different things on, gift cards are good for minutes, apps, videos and songs...that kind of thing.
 
Joined
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I have a list of the people I normally buy presents for (about 5 family members and 5 friends.) Whenever I think of something during the year they might like, be it from a comment of theirs or an inspiration of mine, I write it on the list. Then I have some things to choose from at present time. Pretty NT I'd say :) I also make scads of cookies at Christmas that everyone gets. They also make a good last minute gift for people you forgot or for hostess gifts.
 

Stillow

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Oct 12, 2009
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Who invented this christmas malarkey anyhow? It's a dumb idea!

That question is basically the same one I asked myself several years ago, and after a couple more years of sweating out obligitory gift giving, I finally said enough is enough. (Obligitory in the same sense you've described, I think -a desire to give a meaningful gift, falling short, and being held to a certain expectation or standard by some others and myself).

Now, we give to the children and charity, and that is it. My kids, nieces and nephews, and kids of friends. I may give a Christmas card, but no gifts to adults who are perfectly capable of buying what they want when they want it. The first year that we did this, we donated to charity in the name of the adult person(s) and gave them the "notice" along with a card. At the family gatherings, we told them about the charity, who was benefiting, how we came to learn of it and so on. My grandmother (an SF) has done that for years, donated blankets to the homeless in our names. Christmas is about giving, sharing time, love, space, etc...but it's not about giving things in excess, symbolic things or not. My husband is an ESFJ, and he seemed to think it was perfectly fine and acceptable. We haven't been uninvited to any family dinners since we started it a few years ago.

Also, we told our friends that we would be donating to charity that year in lieu of presents, so they need not buy for us, and that we looked forward to spending time with them. Some bought us presents anyway, and that was a little uncomfortable the first year. The second year, no one did presents, and I think we all felt better because we were all off the hook.

Good luck with getting into your solution, whatever that turns out to be.

BTW: Greetings all.
 

Xander

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Now, we give to the children and charity, and that is it.
That concept alone has filled me with new dread I'm afraid. A good idea but then.... which charity!!!

Personally I've managed to avoid the usual painful task of telling people what I want for my birthday, something I object to but have no firm and logical reason to be, by adopting a new hobby. It seems that once you collect something people relax a bit... especially when the store that does said hobby supports wish lists.

Mind you though a couple still gave up and went with the gift certificate idea. I must admit that at first the idea of these things made me think it was an off handed and unimaginative present but I'm beginning to think that they are the solution.

#1 you bothered to research where they want to shop
#2 They can go and get something they want for free!!

Free is good.

I do agree about the excess though. I have arguments with my wife about my nephews based upon how much they individually want. I'm a little too easy with money you see but she's a tad more level headed. Damned realists!!
 

tinkerbell

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Aug 31, 2008
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vouchers - I know not thoughtful but there you go....

I am lousy too

I buy my neices Jewlery
Guys I'm clueless what to buy - what does a bloke want as a birthday present.... :S
 

entropie

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I always donate liquor for birthdays. So when my sister got 9 years old and I bought her that super expensive Scotch, everyone looked at me shaking their heads in disgust, but not being angry. Cause once you built that image, its impossible to be ruined :D
 

Zoom

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The basic manner I do it in is thus:

I have a good memory - I will remember key things close friends/family like, and what they do and don't have in terms of items or experiences related to it. I look around a little bit, and it usually hits me in time to actually get it.

As an example, last year I bought my S.O. Frostmourne. It is a very large, beautifully crafted, geeky sword, and only one company makes the replicas. I like giving people surprising gifts, so it's actually fun for me.
 

Xander

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I always donate liquor for birthdays. So when my sister got 9 years old and I bought her that super expensive Scotch, everyone looked at me shaking their heads in disgust, but not being angry. Cause once you built that image, its impossible to be ruined :D
Tape?

:D

Not sure my sister would thank me for buying her youngest son a bottle of whiskey... he's bad enough with just e numbers!!

Oh and I should mention I've got the full gamut of problems. I've got a train spotting ENTJ who's bought everything he wants, an ENFJ sister who's bought ALL the DVDs in existence that she likes, ENFP friends who can be quite specific and an ESTP wife who seemingly still likes the box more :shock:
 

Tamske

Writing...
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Oct 22, 2009
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To me, it seems a lot of people have trouble with this. Even my very Feeling mother asked me once "I'm sorry, this is really impersonal, but I thought you would like money to spend on books/art materials/cooking materials..."
I was totally "Are you kidding, this is the best present EVER!"
Nephews? Nieces? Why don't you ask their parents, or even themselves?
I once gave my nephew a "Lightning mc Queen" model car and he was over the moon. I even didn't buy the car myself! My sis bought this and I paid...
So... don't be afraid to ask. I think that's the only advice I can give.

Of course, some people are offended by asking, like "you aren't interested in me, you even don't know what I like"... but they have to cope with it, otherwise they won't get anything from me. I'm quite sure children like to be asked and won't make such mental twists...
 

indiajones

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Nov 8, 2009
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I used to always struggle with this. Luckily I got a job at a gourmet food store... and everyone likes food soooo... well thats not entirely true i dont really know at all.
 

Tamske

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Oct 22, 2009
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I ask what they want.
I know, some people take offence at this (if you were interested in me, you should know! you've hurt my feelings!) - but they have to learn (*)or they won't get presents at all.
(*) You can turn the argument around. If you were interested in ME, you would know I forget such things even if I consider you my friend.
 
Joined
Nov 7, 2009
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The last time I searched a present fpor my fathers birthday. I tried a method, creatives use often: I draw a mind-map.

After some minutes I had gathered so much information about my father, which wasn't conscious in my mind, and I found three options. After talking with others I had concrete imaginations about the ranking of the options and so I choosed to buy an audio-book.

In the store I used one hour to choose the "right" one, after convincing myself, that my decision needn't be perfect.

Well, the next time I will try the same!
 
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