[MBTI General] Why do I clash with esfj/estj's?

[titanguy]

Whats up. I'm a first time poster here and I love this personality stuff. Ill get lost on the internet reading info on this stuff.

But I have a Gf who is an ISTJ (complete opposite!) and me and her get along pretty well, though I still have problems getting across to her sometimes. She doesn't get it.

But my real problem is her sister and Mom. Mom being an esfj and sister being an estj. They really don't like me. They both think I play mind games on my Gf, which I don't. The mother just absolutely hates my presence and I've never done one thing to her ever. Always polite. And I tease her sister alot too. At first she was very playful but then she did a 180. Now she is completely irritated by me and takes every little thing I do to her personal and upset. Theyre very suspicious of me and they're the the only ones. Oh Im 20 and the sis is 30 and the mom is like 50.

I just cant figure out why I clash so bad with the ESxJ? I get along with ISFJ and ISTJ very well, but this type...it like a nightmare.

 

[Simplexity]

ESFJ have a commanding need for you to fit their stereotypes and do things according to their definition of "right"

They have this conception of how things should be done and work tirelessly to maintain that standard. Intuition is the wrong way of doing things to them(ones who don't understand personality), and they are extremely stubborn.

Good luck!

when their hell bent on things It absolutely irritates me to my core. I don't try and forge deep relations with them at all, unless they understand me. I can understand them very easily their like a walking commanding script, easy to read but impossible to change.

 

[titanguy]

HOLY CRAP! your dead on.

Both of them think our relationship is wrong because we tease each other alot and play hard to get. We should be a proper gentleman and she should be the one holding the leash (which is obvious in both their relationship) We've been going out for 2 years! We plan on getting married in the next year and half maybe. Did I mention My Gf's family is a die christian family.

The sister wouldn't even apologize for an argument SHE start, and she the one that took a petty argument too far and made it personal and "WENT FOR THE HEART" I tried explaining to her that i was just picking on her and she crossed the line by bringing up my relationship with my Gf and insinuating I didn't love her. Then when I criticized her out of spite, she wanted a FREAKING APOLOGY? She started the whole thing and she saw nothing wrong with what she said, even though I was just childishly calling her boring.

I can't understand the mindset. I never done anything wrong, and when I do try to kid around with them, they flip out and take it personal. I just can't figure out how to get along with them

Prime example of them blowing up was tonight when I wrote LOSER on her dusty window and she flipped out on me. Saying I need to get down there and clean it, then stormed off while having a meltdown. The mother is the same way. I just can't figure them out, and Im not going to try to walk on eggshells when around them, im going to be myself <---(enfp coming out in me)

 

[tenINsFJ]

estjs annoy me. im sorry. like BADDDD.. and its hard to do that with me..

 

[Neo Genesis]

I believe its important what you're gf thinks about the whole situation. Does she even know how bad it is? Is there a religious difference between you? Is there any other reason for them to not like you? It sounds like you really need to just try and talk to them about it. If there's still a problem, at least you tried (which I'm sure would please your girlfriend).

Also, adopting a different persona around her family isn't necessarily a bad idea. I mean, you don't have to act completely different, but maybe some of those little jibes and jokes should be reigned in a bit. This is assuming, of course, that your girlfriend also doesn't like how you interact with her family. If she enjoys it, then the both of them.

 

[6sticks]

How bout don't write LOSER on the window.

 

[Sarcasticus]

How bout don't write LOSER on the window.

C'mon where's the fun in that?

Sounds like Mom and Sis need to lighten up.

Neo Genesis hit the nail on the head-- find out what your GF thinks about all of this. And the religious differences sound rather ominious. I've been there before and it doesn't end well.

 

[titanguy]

Oh she thinks that their a little uptight. And she complains about how her mom is crazy alot (esfj). I was fascinated by some of your guys threads about esfj's and estj because it was her sister and mom dead on. This personality stuff still amazes me.

Yes we have the same religious view, Im even a member of the church. Around the mom, Im kinda of quiet and don't talk to her much out all. I used to be good friend with the sister, then one day she decided to get paranoid delusion disorder with our relationship and me. Again my Gf thinks they are crazy and just take thing too serious. Hey but on the bright side, Her dad ISTJ (which is a crazy story on how we got him to take the test) I think absolutely loves me now b/c he found out he can pick on me and I want take it serious.

Oh ya, her mother also went through my email once when I left their laptop with my name signed in. She found a spam one and had a hissy fit b/c it was about sex. I repeat, I NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO THIS WOMAN. EVER. Me and my Gf got in trouble once for being home late. Never been caught (hehe) or anything. But after coming to this site im understanding alot why they're like this.

 

[hermeticdancer]

ESFJ's and ESTJ's tend to be bossy control freaks. In my humble generalized opinion.

The ESTJ's negative side is good at manipulating other people and getting them to feel guilty and sacrifice themselves for their benefit.

Also the goody goodness of the ESFj makes me want to vomit.

other than that then tend to be great people

 

[VanillaCat]

My mom is an ESTJ.

We disagree on everything, so we don't talk other than her nagging me to clean my room. You're not the only one who clashes with them x_x

 

[Anja]

Titanguy, I don't know your age, but in adulthood it is seldom wise to involve your family in your relationships. The less said about interpersonal interaction to people outside the relationship, the better, from my perspective.

And welcome!:hi:

 

[Chris_in_Orbit]

Whats up. I'm a first time poster here and I love this personality stuff. Ill get lost on the internet reading info on this stuff.

But I have a Gf who is an ISTJ (complete opposite!) and me and her get along pretty well, though I still have problems getting across to her sometimes. She doesn't get it.

But my real problem is her sister and Mom. Mom being an esfj and sister being an estj. They really don't like me. They both think I play mind games on my Gf, which I don't. The mother just absolutely hates my presence and I've never done one thing to her ever. Always polite. And I tease her sister alot too. At first she was very playful but then she did a 180. Now she is completely irritated by me and takes every little thing I do to her personal and upset. Theyre very suspicious of me and they're the the only ones. Oh Im 20 and the sis is 30 and the mom is like 50.

I just cant figure out why I clash so bad with the ESxJ? I get along with ISFJ and ISTJ very well, but this type...it like a nightmare.

They are subconciously jealous of your ENFPdom.

 

[Atomic Fiend]

Why not?

 

[titanguy]

Well lets not look at like me complaining about family members, Im trying to look at the big picture here and asking "why do I clash with this type so bad?"

I mean I enjoy all your guys response and they are all 100% correct in my perspective. I'm totally nice to these people. Never mean, never try to step on the mom's toes. I ask my Gf other family members and they just say "I dont know, she just weird."

I was pondering on the matter of them not feeling guilty and very seldom saying sorry. Are you guys saying they never feel guilt? I don't understand how they can't know when they're in the wrong. Sad thing being, I asked my Gf out of the blue if her mom has ever apologized for anything. There was a brief silence then chuckle. She said " I don't think she ever has." I just can't grasp that state of mind, not one bit.

 

[VanillaCat]

Well, I can grasp my mom's state of mind quite well, but wow, it is scary. Be glad that you can't!

The way I see it, ESTJs are like needles and ENFPs are the balloons.

My mom has apologized for things she's done, like overreacting to things, or jumping to conclusions before finding out my perspective beforehand, etc. But only after I cry, Lol. She goes too far sometimes and she realizes it afterwards. It's not a problem with her, but if you try to debate her on her beliefs, she'll justify them any way she can even after you've obliterated every point.

 

[vince]

2 simple truths in life : Chicks dig jerks & ESTJs are pricks.
It's what Aimahn said : intuition is the wrong way of doing things, to them.

 

[Dali]

Prime example of them blowing up was tonight when I wrote LOSER on her dusty window and she flipped out on me.

Way to endear yourself to girlfriend's family. ;-)

Perhaps your constant joking might be understood by her to mean a lack of respect? I had an ESFJ housemate and, once I understood that she didn't appreciate sarcasm and jokes at her expense, we got along a lot better. She did have a sense of humour but it was of a different mould to mine (and, I assume, yours).