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Thread: INFJ and ENFP

  1. #1

    Default INFJ and ENFP

    Hi everyone I'm new to the boards. Sorry I haven't introduced myself.

    I was wondering if anyone could tell me the benefits of a INFj/ENFP relationship vs. an INFj/ENTP relationship. According to the personality page, these two are the ideal matches for the INFj. I always had this sense that I was fairly good at reading other people below the surface but often people would underestimate me as the shy, simple, and sweet girl. I kind of like the description of the infj as the "quietly intense person". Anyways, I met this guy who had the oddest effect on me. I guard and hide my feelings so well. But everytime I come into contact with him, I feel like he can see right through me. Its really distrubing. I feel like I'm naked, like being emotionally exposed. We always keep our conversations very superficial but its like this underline energy or vibe we both get. I like to be very careful as an infj that I am not projecting my own emotions on to other people. In addition, I'm very careful about letting people into my inner world. Usually this person is the wild child and super hyper person of every event. Yet, when we have a light conversation he gets very nervous, quiet, and focused like he trying to pick me apart. I finally figured out he is an ENFp (I swear he could be the poster-child). Anyways, I like to have a little information before I open up to him. As we all know ENFP guys are not typical caveman types. Do you find that the the shared NF in a relationship can be overwhelming? Is NT better? Many people brag about the INTJ/ENFP relationship and the INFj/ENTP but to find any perspective on ENFp/INFj is a little difficult? Can you help? I am seventeen and the guy in question is eighteen.
    Last edited by Desert Flower; 03-06-2008 at 10:56 PM.
    Introverted (I) 57.14% Extroverted (E) 42.86%
    Intuitive (N) 66.67% Sensing (S) 33.33%
    Feeling (F) 61.54% Thinking (T) 38.46%
    Judging (J) 51.22% Perceiving (P) 48.78%

    Your type is: INFJ

  2. #2

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    I prefer NTs for romantic relationships because they tend to be less emotionally excitable. I have a hard time blocking out other people's emotions; they get inside me and change my own emotional landscape. The ENFPs I've known exhaust me with their inclination to make every event into a party or a tragedy. They can be fun for short spells, but spending significant time with one every day would drive me insane.

    My advice to you is just take it slowly and trust your instincts. I've learned that (for me) it's usually a mistake to open up to anyone all at once. I do it in small increments, pausing at each stage to observe the results and make sure it's still wise to continue. At any point, when I feel I might be in emotional danger, I can stop the progress and hold things where they are.

    Just because I prefer NTs doesn't mean you wouldn't have a good relationship with your ENFP. There are several NF/NF pairings represented on mbticentral.

  3. #3

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    "I've learned that (for me) it's usually a mistake to open up to anyone all at once. I do it in small increments, pausing at each stage to observe the results and make sure it's still wise to continue."

    I totally agree with you because this method saved me from a tragic relationship with an ESFJ. I'm sure if I had exposed myself with him he would have done alot of emotional damage. The thing I find intriguing about this guy is that when ever I talk to him my brain locks up . Usually, I'm good at tangling up flirtatious guys in their logic. I don't like flirting because of the insincerity sometimes. Still, its a good laugh when a guy that is trying to "run game" gets all embarrassed and surprised when I point out inconsistencies in his thoughts and surprise him with a little zany humour. Its easy to maintain the upper hand. But with this interaction I feel like he is peeling me apart without even much information or without my permission. Its like he detects I am hidding my emotion. I'm still trying to figure out if he is geniunely interested in me or just wants to crack me open because he can't help him self .
    Introverted (I) 57.14% Extroverted (E) 42.86%
    Intuitive (N) 66.67% Sensing (S) 33.33%
    Feeling (F) 61.54% Thinking (T) 38.46%
    Judging (J) 51.22% Perceiving (P) 48.78%

    Your type is: INFJ

  4. #4
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Array Jae Rae's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Desert Flower View Post
    "I've learned that (for me) it's usually a mistake to open up to anyone all at once. I do it in small increments, pausing at each stage to observe the results and make sure it's still wise to continue.

    I'm still trying to figure out if he is geniunely interested in me or just wants to crack me open because he can't help him self .
    This last sentence resonated with me, but in my case it was a woman, the SO of a male friend. Four of us (husband, friend, his date and I) went out to dinner for the first time. Our friend's date asked if we had kids and I told her we had a son and a daughter. Then she asked "Oh, and do they get along?" in a very serious tone of voice.

    It was the quickest, bluntest personal question I've ever had, and for the rest of the evening I felt I had to watch what I said to her. But that's just how her mind works. She was definitely an NF type, probably ENFP, and a counselor to boot.

    Jae Rae
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jae Rae View Post
    This last sentence resonated with me, but in my case it was a woman, the SO of a male friend. Four of us (husband, friend, his date and I) went out to dinner for the first time. Our friend's date asked if we had kids and I told her we had a son and a daughter. Then she asked "Oh, and do they get along?" in a very serious tone of voice.

    It was the quickest, bluntest personal question I've ever had, and for the rest of the evening I felt I had to watch what I said to her. But that's just how her mind works. She was definitely an NF type, probably ENFP, and a counselor to boot.

    Jae Rae
    You did way better than I would have. I would have been thinking.. who the #ell does she think she is and wouldn't have had much, if anything, to say to her the rest of the evening. Talk about jumping boundaries! People who do that always seem to have an air of entitlement about them that signals "superiority" to me.

  6. #6

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    "Talk about jumping boundaries! People who do that always seem to have an air of entitlement about them that signals "superiority" to me."

    This sounds so much like the guy. He totally pushes into my space. I would describe it as being mildly obnoxious. His redeeming quality is that he geniunely is a nice guy and his intent isn't malicious.

    I borrowed this from Faith (from another post) :
    "From what I've gleaned here, these things sound all-too familiar. I have a hard time being friends with other NFs in real life--maybe because we're playing identical roles? I like NFs, but somehow we never "meet". It's like we look at one another and both go, ""Yikes! You just saw me! You're not supposed to see me yet!" and then make superhuman efforts to hide without seeming to be hiding."

    ^^^
    In a nutshell, this is what it is like.
    Introverted (I) 57.14% Extroverted (E) 42.86%
    Intuitive (N) 66.67% Sensing (S) 33.33%
    Feeling (F) 61.54% Thinking (T) 38.46%
    Judging (J) 51.22% Perceiving (P) 48.78%

    Your type is: INFJ

  7. #7

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Desert Flower View Post
    I borrowed this from Faith (from another post) :
    "From what I've gleaned here, these things sound all-too familiar. I have a hard time being friends with other NFs in real life--maybe because we're playing identical roles? I like NFs, but somehow we never "meet". It's like we look at one another and both go, ""Yikes! You just saw me! You're not supposed to see me yet!" and then make superhuman efforts to hide without seeming to be hiding."

    ^^^
    In a nutshell, this is what it is like.
    And you like this? Do you enjoy it, or does it just fascinate you?

    In my experience (and I'm not saying it always happens this way to everyone) extroverts don't seem to take things quite as seriously as I do when it comes to sharing personal things. It's easier for them to open up and talk a lot, so they have a more difficult time understanding how significant it is when I open up to them. They tend to take it lightly, as though we're discussing housekeeping or sports teams. ENFs are good at it, and it's enjoyable while it lasts, but it doesn't seem to be quite as intimate to them as it is to me. I've been burned several times by ENFs who engage and encourage me to open up; I do so, thinking it means we're sharing a special intimacy, only to realize they saw it on par with trading cookie recipes.

    Situations like the one you describe, I go very very slowly and don't assume anything.

  8. #8

    Default

    Ummm, maybe you are missing the point of his prodding. Wouldn't one of the key elements in a relationship be that the two people have a mutual interest in each other's lives? I'm in no way saying that you should spill your guts to him, but don't be scared to share a little information about yourself.

    I can't assume my ENFP best friend is like your guy in this way, but when I met her I took a chance and let her gradually know me and in turn she has never even judged me... not once. She definitely prodded into my personal life a little, but after a while she waited for me to reveal that kind of information on my own terms when she noticed it made me slightly uncomfortable. The key was that I gave her a taste. In the end, she is still suprised at what she finds in the layers of my personality as I gradually peel them back.

    I think this kind of "gradual peeling" would be beneficial to an ENFP relationship because it would most likely keep them from getting bored with you. There will always be something "new and exciting" for them to look forward to in your relationship. Luckily for them, a healthy INFJ is always working on being a better person and thus we are constantly adding to our depth. They key would be us revealing it when we are decided and ready. To me, ENFPs are always willing to and simply want to listen when they have the time.

    I would see you being able to benefit him by example. According to Lenore Thompson, ENFPs are at risk of spending to much time discovering new things in the external realm, which leaves their "introverted" realm undeveloped. This time alone would allow them to think through their own problems and experience self-reflection. INFJs are able to show them what this kind of reflection consists of, and hopefully can encourage them. Thompson warned that extraverts tend to be the ones that experience mid-life crisis later on in life due to their unexplored sense of indentity. In turn, their fun-loving extraverted nature could definitely help the INFJ learn to put aside their internal contemplation and experience reality more thoroughly.

    Life consists of a balance of thinking and doing and I see INFJs and ENFPs at polar ends of this. With mutual love and support they could balance each other out and make each other better people. All of this is my opinion, though.

    Hope I could give some sort of insight.

    Enneagram 4w5 social

  9. #9

    Default

    "And you like this? Do you enjoy it, or does it just fascinate you?"

    It gives me a rush. I've never really had any close contact with with any other NFs (except my parents, they both tested as ENFJ). I have spent the majority of my high school days feeling like a space alien. Until I came across this ad in my high school guidance office suggesting taking a personality test to determine a career path. (It was one of the days I decided to take go into personal seclusion from my friends and try to figure out what was going on with me and think about my life). When I got my results and read the description for INFj, I was shocked. I kind of felt like crying because everything made so much more sense .

    Anyways, I have this problem with being "seen". The fact that this person with so little effort can accomplish this is amazing to me. He's like a chameleon because he changes himself to connect with who ever he's with. But when we talk he gets all quiet because its like he suspects that I don't buy into his facade or he can't quite figure me out yet so he doesn't know what to turn himself into. I can tell I make him uncomfortable. But he keeps coming back awkardly prodding.
    Introverted (I) 57.14% Extroverted (E) 42.86%
    Intuitive (N) 66.67% Sensing (S) 33.33%
    Feeling (F) 61.54% Thinking (T) 38.46%
    Judging (J) 51.22% Perceiving (P) 48.78%

    Your type is: INFJ

  10. #10

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    Oh yes, the chameleon effect is very true in the instance of my best friend. This makes us very different. She could blend in with any group of people and match their energy levels. She would also slightly shift her opinions on things to fit the group she was with at that time.

    I, on the other hand, also have friends in different types of groups but I always remain the same in demeanor and opinions. She doesn't do this at all anymore, and I wonder if it's something she picked up from me. I could go into further analysis but I don't want to bore anyone.

    Enneagram 4w5 social

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