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Thread: to ENFP males

  1. #21
    Senior Member Array Uytuun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    It's nuts!
    Yes. I'm boycotting the whole dynamic.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    :blushing:
    no... not really my style. i'd have to randomly bump into him, but actually stop and casually have a cigarette or casually have a coffee with him the first time. which really wouldn't be that hard. i swear we're both up there all the time either because of work (like i said, we work next to each other) or at the coffee shop, which is also next to where we work and we both seem to hit it up a lot. (it's a really cute little downtown area, and people will just come and hang out there for hours.)

    i wonder how other ISFP's do in the realm of dating?

    extroverts do it so easily. i was at the bar last night... again... and seemed to be the only person that went home alone! oddly enough, the three females i was out with were all ENFP's (i really do live in some strange ENFP/SP bohemia smack in the middle of redneck galore.) all three found a mate to leave with! not to mention i saw my manager, a young ESTP dance on the bar and also take a man home. not that i'm just wanting to take someone home... but initiation like that!
    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    Ah, ha! So this is how you girls roll, eh? Tricky... I like it.
    ! satine that is brilliant.

    i understand though indyanna, i'm not much one for initiating either. i dunno if being extraverted really makes it easier... wish it did, lol.

    anyway i tend to fall for NxJs, so... hehe. i kinda expect the other person to initiate.

  3. #23
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    Finally a question directly for my demographic haha

    ok, i figure its probably confusing because we enfp males tend to accidentally lead people on, (something ive really been working on recently), but i think the main difference is intensity.

    I know i flirt alot with alot of people less because i want to flirt and more because i have a personality that comes off as very flirty when its more just enthusiastic and outgoing

    When i like someone, initial caution aside, i practically write it on the sky
    i cant stop smiling when im around them, i try to make them laugh, i ask them tons of questions about themselves, i do everything i can to spend more time with them, i compliment them alot, (a big one because i only compliment when im sincere and if i am complimenting someone alot it almost always means that they mean alot to me).

    ANYWAYZZZ i hope this helps

    i think the main thing is that when an enfp male likes someone, (at least me), its pretty clear

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    I've known a couple of ENFP males and when they like you they stare at you, kind of like ENFP girls do, and sometimes they giggle or try to grab you.

    I knew one in high school that was pretty fucking grabby. All the girls were charmed by him, but I was on to him...I swear to god I climbed into the backseat of my friend's car one night and he just...starts trying to make out with me. I guess this usually worked for him.

    I find ENFP men kind of girly, they kind of remind me of myself, so I know their tricks, and therefore don't trust them.

    Good luck, though, because when they are truly in love they seem to be very sweet.

    For others.

    I guess i cant speak for my whole lot but im not grabby at all. If anything thats the one kind of enthusiasm i dont really show when i like someone and even when im dating it takes me a while to get even a little bit physical.

    And i dont know why im defending enfp males so much now haha but i dont think very many of us are the player type at all. I know id feel shallow and crappy about myself if i acted like that guy you were talking about.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Array IndyAnnaJoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Emectar View Post
    Finally a question directly for my demographic haha

    ok, i figure its probably confusing because we enfp males tend to accidentally lead people on, (something ive really been working on recently), but i think the main difference is intensity.

    I know i flirt alot with alot of people less because i want to flirt and more because i have a personality that comes off as very flirty when its more just enthusiastic and outgoing

    When i like someone, initial caution aside, i practically write it on the sky
    i cant stop smiling when im around them, i try to make them laugh, i ask them tons of questions about themselves, i do everything i can to spend more time with them, i compliment them alot, (a big one because i only compliment when im sincere and if i am complimenting someone alot it almost always means that they mean alot to me).

    ANYWAYZZZ i hope this helps

    i think the main thing is that when an enfp male likes someone, (at least me), its pretty clear
    I think I'm just weird about people coming to me with intensity or flirtaciousness, or interest. I always immediately think, "Oh, they must like me." But then I'll tell myself how vain that sounds, to think anyone that talks to me likes me. And so I talk myself into disregarding my initial impressions of someone liking me.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  6. #26
    Professional Trickster Array Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    I can only speak from my female ENFP perspective, but if I'm really interested in you romantically, I tend to (in no particular order):
    • Hold you at arm's length.
    • Act (or at least try to act) very cool and collected around you.
    • Completely lose my normally charming qualities.
    • Get very analytical in my conversations with the object of my affections.

    It is completely maddening to me. I want to bang my head into a wall, but I can't stop it either. I can talk to anyone. I can befriend an inanimate object. But if I like you... and I am VERY, VERY, VERY picky about who I set my romantic cap for... then I completely shut down. Egad! So social cluelessness on an otherwise socially facile ENFP might be one of the signs to look for when your gauging interest.

    I have a good male ENFP friend and he doesn't have this problem. His experiences is more akin to what has already been discussed on this thread about ENFPs unintentionally leading on prospective romantic partners. On the other hand, I've never seen him fall head over heels in love with someone. Sometimes it sucks to be an ENFP with strong auxiliary Fi. Because when we really fall for someone.... oh.my.gosh... it is so intense it is almost too painful to experience. I can completely tell that my ENFP male friend has not so fallen for any of the women in his life. If he ever does, I'd be curious to see how deer in the headlights this makes him.

    Fi Connection Versus Fi Disclosure

    One last thing I think is important to note, ENFPs are genuinely interested in people from all walks of life. They love to get to know people and can make others feel at ease and feel a sense of emotional intimacy almost instantly. This sense of intimacy is facilitated by their auxiliary Fi function that immediately jumps to the emotional essence of the conversation / other person. HOWEVER, this does NOT equate to the ENFP investing themselves in the relationship. Thus, I think this is the source of a lot of misunderstanding for ENFPs. To the untrained eye, the ENFP will appear more emotionally intimate than they really are.

    So how can you distinguish between Fi connecting with others and true ENFP emotional intimacy with another person?

    I think the key here is ENFP Fi self-disclosure. I'm not just talking about personal facts or funny, self-deprecating stories. ENFPs don't feel the need for privacy like some other types and they will share such information freely and without emotional investment in the other person.

    But if an ENFP tells you their innermost thoughts and feelings about things, that's when they've made an investment. I'm not sure how to recognize this on the outside, but it's a very different feeling on the inside.

    In other words, if an ENFP makes an investment they are going to share their Fi feelings / thoughts with you. Fi is an introverted function and as such is not readily expressed in a direct manner.

    For example, I guard my Fi very carefully and will only make it vulnerable to a select few. But if I judge you worth the risk of making my Fi vulnerable by disclosing it to you... watch out. You've got me hook, line, and sinker.

    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  7. #27
    Professional Trickster Array Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    ^ yeah i know what you mean there... for me at least, it's like not just normal surface-level Fi, but like longterm self-doubts and existential crisis material... you have to be a special type of person for me to share my emo angst with you

    (or completely anonymous, whichever)
    Oh.My.Gosh. So true. So true. That made me belly laugh, Skylights.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    I can only speak from my female ENFP perspective, but if I'm really interested in you romantically, I tend to (in no particular order):
    • Hold you at arm's length.
    • Act (or at least try to act) very cool and collected around you.
    • Completely lose my normally charming qualities.
    • Get very analytical in my conversations with the object of my affections.

    It is completely maddening to me. I want to bang my head into a wall, but I can't stop it either. I can talk to anyone. I can befriend an inanimate object. But if I like you... and I am VERY, VERY, VERY picky about who I set my romantic cap for... then I completely shut down. Egad! So social cluelessness on an otherwise socially facile ENFP might be one of the signs to look for when your gauging interest.

    I have a good male ENFP friend and he doesn't have this problem. His experiences is more akin to what has already been discussed on this thread about ENFPs unintentionally leading on prospective romantic partners. On the other hand, I've never seen him fall head over heels in love with someone. Sometimes it sucks to be an ENFP with strong auxiliary Fi. Because when we really fall for someone.... oh.my.gosh... it is so intense it is almost too painful to experience. I can completely tell that my ENFP male friend has not so fallen for any of the women in his life. If he ever does, I'd be curious to see how deer in the headlights this makes him. to a select few. But if I judge you worth the risk of making my Fi vulnerable by disclosing it to you... watch out. You've got me hook, line, and sinker.
    Esotoric, what can I say? It's good to know that someone else has the same feelings I do when I'm very interested romantically in someone. Everything you describe here is absolutely true for me and I wonder if my friend, who is, I think an INTP or INFP, feels the same intensity about me because he seems to shut down what I know are his typical bursts of exhuberance and outpouring of whatever comes into his mind whenever he's around me. It's been that way for a while. Which is why I've felt that he has strong feelings for me. Shutting down around him or suddenly becoming shy or over-thinking whatever I say is frustrating. I become so analytical and I feel, cold in appearance. I've also felt his analystical side come out around me, as if it's an easy thing to defaut to when you're feeling attracted to someone (I know he's attracted to me). But, I know I do this: begin to talk about anything that doesn't generate a playful sexiness, because what I really feel becomes so apparent that I feel transparent, and I think, afraid. I feel that stems from not wanting to be vulnerable or seen by someone you care for even though that's really what you desire. I think your friend might become shy when he meets someone he falls for. It's very easy for me to be open and friendly with someone I don't have romantic feelings for.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    I can only speak from my female ENFP perspective, but if I'm really interested in you romantically, I tend to (in no particular order):
    • Hold you at arm's length.
    • Act (or at least try to act) very cool and collected around you.
    • Completely lose my normally charming qualities.
    • Get very analytical in my conversations with the object of my affections.

    It is completely maddening to me. I want to bang my head into a wall, but I can't stop it either. I can talk to anyone. I can befriend an inanimate object. But if I like you... and I am VERY, VERY, VERY picky about who I set my romantic cap for... then I completely shut down. Egad! So social cluelessness on an otherwise socially facile ENFP might be one of the signs to look for when your gauging interest.

    I have a good male ENFP friend and he doesn't have this problem. His experiences is more akin to what has already been discussed on this thread about ENFPs unintentionally leading on prospective romantic partners. On the other hand, I've never seen him fall head over heels in love with someone.
    I tend to do the same thing, it's almost like I'm gear down little bit to "play it safe". (Which, BTW, usually doesn't work for me.)

    On the other hand, if I'm interacting with someone that I like but I don't really have any romantic intentions with I can be the most charming devil - it's not on purpose, I'm just trying to make us have a good time. Being loud and funny, teasing her, rolling my eyes at her when she tries to make me be "serious". When I was much younger, I would sometimes end up in a situation like that - being a random ENFP, usually by coincidence - only to find out later that I was leading the girl on badly. (For the rare cases where I had in the mean time become interested, I would then stupidly go back to the shy version again and then unwillingly throw it all away.)

    In the later years I'm finally learning to control this and then actually play up with girls that I'm interested instead of being shy.

    Sorry for derailing the thread, I will be serious now...

    IndyAnnaJoan, I challenge you to tell him directly to do something about it. How about, "I like you, you should ask me out " (or any comment equally direct)

    I think this would work on me (an ENFP ) for two reasons: 1) you are being honest, which is a complete turn-on. 2) you are eliminating any doubt he might have as to whether or not he should ask you out. It's like you blow away the invisible line between casual talk or perhaps something more. (Which for me can be hard to do because I tend to "seek permission" from the other part - I guess my Fi is in play here.)

    Also, there is an advantageto this approach: you force him to make a decision as to whether or not he likes you enough to ask you out, which will (hopefully) make him do it. If he does not do it, he is either not interested or he does not know how to take the lead which I believe you wrote in a previous post you would like the guy to do.

    That was a suggestion. Hope you work it out

  10. #30
    Senior Member Array thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Emectar View Post
    When i like someone, initial caution aside, i practically write it on the sky
    i cant stop smiling when im around them, i try to make them laugh, i ask them tons of questions about themselves, i do everything i can to spend more time with them, i compliment them alot, (a big one because i only compliment when im sincere and if i am complimenting someone alot it almost always means that they mean alot to me).

    ANYWAYZZZ i hope this helps

    i think the main thing is that when an enfp male likes someone, (at least me), its pretty clear
    Yup. The ENFP males I've known just go for the jugular when they like you.

    Then they'll proceed to change their minds 147 times after they know you also like them.

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