[MBTI General] INFJ vs. INTJ

[Algora J]

I've been beginning to appreciate INFJs- in person. Online, I think there was too much room for miscommunication- when INFJs find insult in something I meant in jest etc.

However, in person, INFJs seem to be the EASIEST people to work with. They are a pleasure to be around, and are very intuitive about what needs to be done in regards to the people around them, has a humanitarian outlook towards life, and generally easy going, yet detail oriented.

Recently though I was in presence between two males, one INFJ and the other INTJ, and I couldn't help but notice how extremely rude the INTJ was being.

I also introduced the two of them, but the INTJ male felt he had to exclude me from the conversation for reasons I can only think of in which he wanted to be Top Dog. It was quite odd, since my presence would only work to his favor and I think the INFJ instinctively sensed that this guy was on the RUDE side.

In business, I've noticed that if you are RUDE, people DO NOT want to do business with you because they do not TRUST you.

Has anyone else noticed this?

 

[Sniffles]

Has anyone else noticed this?

Heck yeah. One INTJ broke my heart even.

Although I do find that the INTJs here are of better quality than what I usually find elsewhere. Perhaps because of the nature of the forum, they're more understanding how other types operate - that's my speculation.

 

[Algora J]

Heck yeah. One INTJ broke my heart even.

Although I do find that the INTJs here are of better quality than what I usually find elsewhere. Perhaps because of the nature of the forum, they're more understanding how other types operate - that's my speculation.

I think in forums, it's easy to get along with INTJs- because all that is communicated are thoughts- not feelings nor intent.

However, in person, perhaps having an abrasive, blunt, condescending attitude doesn't actually win people over, but instead alienates them.

The most persuasive people I know are charming as hell. Being a jerk doesn't exactly make people think you're a good guy.

Although, to be honest, I think this INTJ is a good guy, because he seems to hide a lot of his vulnerabilities, and I know he cares for people and does what is always the right thing to do, but I think that initial impression makes people fear him, instead of respecting him, which could potentially work against his advantage.

He is quite brilliant and accomplished, but I also sense that he has an excruciating competitive nature with those around him, and that also brings about sabotage within the group work ethic. In my opinion, I think if he recognizes the strength of those around him, he would be in a better position, than attempting to win all the glory himself which only ends up not working to his benefit.

A team player. People forget what that means, but I've found is extremely important to the survival of a company.

 

[Haphazard]

Could perhaps the rudeness be someone reading into the tone of voice a bit too much?

This happens to me aaaaaalll the time.

 

[Sniffles]

I think in forums, it's easy to get along with INTJs- because all that is communicated are thoughts- not feelings nor intent.

No actually on forums they can be just as much abrasive pricks. This especially occurs when they dominate the forum. By contrast, here, you have a wider variety of people, plus as I stated the nature of the forum is dedicated to understanding the different ways of people.

In fairness, INTJs are not the only ones. Practically any forum where one particular type dominates tends to be rather hostile to those not of that particular type.

 

[animenagai]

this is exactly why i like being an F. a lot of T's have this thing going on where they think caring for people's feelings etc. is just being a pansy. i don't think a lot of people realize what this could mean for them in social situations.

 

[ed111]

I don't recall any INTJ making ad hominim attacks except in jest. The critisisms received are of style rather than substance and are used as a justification for ostricing and back-stabbing. I don't believe an INTJ would ever sabotage a project (they would only seek to improve it). I believe if you have a problem with an INTJs style, you should confront them, and if they think they have wronged you, they will apologise and seek to change their behaviour.

 

[Haphazard]

The critisisms received are of style rather than substance and are used as a justification for ostricing and back-stabbing. I believe if you have a problem with an INTJs style, you should confront them, and if they think they have wronged you, they will apologise and seek to change their behaviour.

Exactly.

Style is not the same as intent. Some people are simply not communicationally stylish, and this can be interpreted many ways, particularly to the people it comes naturally to.

Being a wet blanket in a business situation is a problem, yes, but it's not nearly the same one you're referring to. Naturally being an 'abrasive prick' is not the same thing as sabotaging a project. Sabotage by a person requires intent. Just yell at him once to improve his attitude for the sake of the project, and he'll either improve or become incredibly awkward in an attempt to improve.

If he continues to try to 'sabotage' the project, you may want to look into him being a corporate spy.

 

[JuneBugGemini]

this is exactly why i like being an F. a lot of T's have this thing going on where they think caring for people's feelings etc. is just being a pansy. i don't think a lot of people realize what this could mean for them in social situations.

Exactly. People I know who prefer Thinking are always somewhat socially inept. My one friend is pretty popular and has lots of friends, (he's INTP) but he admits that he's not quite sure about relationships, especially romantic ones.

 

[01011010]

I like them.

They have a tendency to misinterpret what I say as negative (attaching personal feeling to my neutral statements or actions) quite a bit. Yet, as long as the communication is open and the issues are discussed, everything goes well.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

I tend to get along well with INTJs.
But, I'd hate to break it to you, but you guys CAN come off as pricks. Not trying to be mean or critical, but you guys have a tendency to be overbearing and exceptionally stubborn.
When you understand INTJ humor, it's funny. When you don't, it's really not. I'd suggest kind of giving people the benefit of the doubt, because it's really easy to interpret you guys the "wrong" way...

 

[ed111]

I tend to get along well with INTJs.
But, I'd hate to break it to you, but you guys CAN come off as pricks. Not trying to be mean or critical, but you guys have a tendency to be overbearing and exceptionally stubborn.
When you understand INTJ humor, it's funny. When you don't, it's really not. I'd suggest kind of giving people the benefit of the doubt, because it's really easy to interpret you guys the "wrong" way...

I hate to break it to you, but we know this, and it's OK, because we also understand that most folks are pretty shallow.

I once sat in my office and literally watched an INFJ talk about me whilst I was in the same room. One of my colleagues had to point out to her that I was sitting behind her du-oh! (She didn't say anything bad, but she wasn't given enough time to really get going). I never do this kind of thing.

 

[ByMySword]

For the most part, I have always gotten along with INTJs.

They're the only ones able to turn my thoughts into a coherent explanation.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

I hate to break it to you, but we know this, and it's OK, because we also understand that most folks are pretty shallow.

I once sat in my office and literally watched an INFJ talk about me whilst I was in the same room. One of my colleagues had to point out to her that I was sitting behind her du-oh! (She didn't say anything bad, but she wasn't given enough time to really get going). I never do this kind of thing.

Yep, we have our flaws too. And although most INFJs I know don't really talk a lot of smack about people, I'm not going to lie; I have before.

It's just awkward when they hear because it's never my intention to actually be mean :/

 

[SuperFob]

The INTJ's I've met at school are pretty cool. They aren't pricks at all. My INTJ dad is a jerk-off, though (I'm not kidding in the least when I say that).

Every type has its share of all-around dick-heads.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

^ Hear, hear

 

[Eryndil]

So far, this seems to be a fairly clear-cut example of the difference between 'F' and 'T'. It's not surprising if some 'F' types consider 'T' types to be rude and uncaring, because there is a very different style of communication. Where I find it becomes a problem is when people introduce value judgements into the situation. We're all different in one way or another.

 

[Algora J]

So far, this seems to be a fairly clear-cut example of the difference between 'F' and 'T'. It's not surprising if some 'F' types consider 'T' types to be rude and uncaring, because there is a very different style of communication. Where I find it becomes a problem is when people introduce value judgements into the situation. We're all different in one way or another.

I'm a T- and I despise rudeness, mainly because I was taught that diplomacy was the key to winning people over.

I don't think there is any excuse for rude behaviour, no matter where you come from.

 

[Haphazard]

Is politeness something that comes naturally to all people? Is it an inborn trait that people can either accept or refuse?

 

[SuperFob]

Is politeness something that comes naturally to all people? Is it an inborn trait that people can either accept or refuse?

My INTJ dad tends to be more polite than I am. I tend to get really awkward in social situations. I sometimes don't say that much because I don't know what to say, and that makes me come off as rude (even though I'm usually trying hard for that not to be so). When people try to start small-talk with me, I just give them a bunch of one-word answers and they end walking away with awkward expressions on their faces. When it comes to actual conversation, my dad has a more polite, conversational, detached tone of describing things to other people. I don't do that, though. I don't trust people who do that to me when I want them to be honest. I'm pretty monotone and normal when I'm talking to people. I'm not interested in coming across 'polite', I just want to come across as real.