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  1. #1
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    Default Why do I clash with esfj/estj's?

    Whats up. I'm a first time poster here and I love this personality stuff. Ill get lost on the internet reading info on this stuff.

    But I have a Gf who is an ISTJ (complete opposite!) and me and her get along pretty well, though I still have problems getting across to her sometimes. She doesn't get it.

    But my real problem is her sister and Mom. Mom being an esfj and sister being an estj. They really don't like me. They both think I play mind games on my Gf, which I don't. The mother just absolutely hates my presence and I've never done one thing to her ever. Always polite. And I tease her sister alot too. At first she was very playful but then she did a 180. Now she is completely irritated by me and takes every little thing I do to her personal and upset. Theyre very suspicious of me and they're the the only ones. Oh Im 20 and the sis is 30 and the mom is like 50.

    I just cant figure out why I clash so bad with the ESxJ? I get along with ISFJ and ISTJ very well, but this type...it like a nightmare.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Simplexity's Avatar
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    ESFJ have a commanding need for you to fit their stereotypes and do things according to their definition of "right"

    They have this conception of how things should be done and work tirelessly to maintain that standard. Intuition is the wrong way of doing things to them(ones who don't understand personality), and they are extremely stubborn.

    Good luck!

    when their hell bent on things It absolutely irritates me to my core. I don't try and forge deep relations with them at all, unless they understand me. I can understand them very easily their like a walking commanding script, easy to read but impossible to change.
    My cold, snide, intellectual life is just a veneer, behind which lies the plywood of loneliness.

  3. #3
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    HOLY CRAP! your dead on.

    Both of them think our relationship is wrong because we tease each other alot and play hard to get. We should be a proper gentleman and she should be the one holding the leash (which is obvious in both their relationship) We've been going out for 2 years! We plan on getting married in the next year and half maybe. Did I mention My Gf's family is a die christian family.

    The sister wouldn't even apologize for an argument SHE start, and she the one that took a petty argument too far and made it personal and "WENT FOR THE HEART" I tried explaining to her that i was just picking on her and she crossed the line by bringing up my relationship with my Gf and insinuating I didn't love her. Then when I criticized her out of spite, she wanted a FREAKING APOLOGY? She started the whole thing and she saw nothing wrong with what she said, even though I was just childishly calling her boring.

    I can't understand the mindset. I never done anything wrong, and when I do try to kid around with them, they flip out and take it personal. I just can't figure out how to get along with them

    Prime example of them blowing up was tonight when I wrote LOSER on her dusty window and she flipped out on me. Saying I need to get down there and clean it, then stormed off while having a meltdown. The mother is the same way. I just can't figure them out, and Im not going to try to walk on eggshells when around them, im going to be myself <---(enfp coming out in me)
    Do it and see what happens

  4. #4
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    estjs annoy me. im sorry. like BADDDD.. and its hard to do that with me..

  5. #5
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    I believe its important what you're gf thinks about the whole situation. Does she even know how bad it is? Is there a religious difference between you? Is there any other reason for them to not like you? It sounds like you really need to just try and talk to them about it. If there's still a problem, at least you tried (which I'm sure would please your girlfriend).

    Also, adopting a different persona around her family isn't necessarily a bad idea. I mean, you don't have to act completely different, but maybe some of those little jibes and jokes should be reigned in a bit. This is assuming, of course, that your girlfriend also doesn't like how you interact with her family. If she enjoys it, then the both of them.

  6. #6
    Senior Member 6sticks's Avatar
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    How bout don't write LOSER on the window.
    No offense.

  7. #7
    Circus Maximus Sarcasticus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 6sticks View Post
    How bout don't write LOSER on the window.
    C'mon where's the fun in that?

    Sounds like Mom and Sis need to lighten up.

    Neo Genesis hit the nail on the head-- find out what your GF thinks about all of this. And the religious differences sound rather ominious. I've been there before and it doesn't end well.

  8. #8
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    Oh she thinks that their a little uptight. And she complains about how her mom is crazy alot (esfj). I was fascinated by some of your guys threads about esfj's and estj because it was her sister and mom dead on. This personality stuff still amazes me.

    Yes we have the same religious view, Im even a member of the church. Around the mom, Im kinda of quiet and don't talk to her much out all. I used to be good friend with the sister, then one day she decided to get paranoid delusion disorder with our relationship and me. Again my Gf thinks they are crazy and just take thing too serious. Hey but on the bright side, Her dad ISTJ (which is a crazy story on how we got him to take the test) I think absolutely loves me now b/c he found out he can pick on me and I want take it serious.

    Oh ya, her mother also went through my email once when I left their laptop with my name signed in. She found a spam one and had a hissy fit b/c it was about sex. I repeat, I NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO THIS WOMAN. EVER. Me and my Gf got in trouble once for being home late. Never been caught (hehe) or anything. But after coming to this site im understanding alot why they're like this.
    Do it and see what happens

  9. #9
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    ESFJ's and ESTJ's tend to be bossy control freaks. In my humble generalized opinion.

    The ESTJ's negative side is good at manipulating other people and getting them to feel guilty and sacrifice themselves for their benefit.

    Also the goody goodness of the ESFj makes me want to vomit.

    other than that then tend to be great people

  10. #10
    Senior Member VanillaCat's Avatar
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    My mom is an ESTJ.

    We disagree on everything, so we don't talk other than her nagging me to clean my room. You're not the only one who clashes with them x_x
    It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it.

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