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Thread: Why do I clash with esfj/estj's?

  1. #11
    Senior Member Array Anja's Avatar
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    May 2008


    Titanguy, I don't know your age, but in adulthood it is seldom wise to involve your family in your relationships. The less said about interpersonal interaction to people outside the relationship, the better, from my perspective.

    And welcome!
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  2. #12
    Senior Member Array Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    Jul 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by titanguy View Post
    Whats up. I'm a first time poster here and I love this personality stuff. Ill get lost on the internet reading info on this stuff.

    But I have a Gf who is an ISTJ (complete opposite!) and me and her get along pretty well, though I still have problems getting across to her sometimes. She doesn't get it.

    But my real problem is her sister and Mom. Mom being an esfj and sister being an estj. They really don't like me. They both think I play mind games on my Gf, which I don't. The mother just absolutely hates my presence and I've never done one thing to her ever. Always polite. And I tease her sister alot too. At first she was very playful but then she did a 180. Now she is completely irritated by me and takes every little thing I do to her personal and upset. Theyre very suspicious of me and they're the the only ones. Oh Im 20 and the sis is 30 and the mom is like 50.

    I just cant figure out why I clash so bad with the ESxJ? I get along with ISFJ and ISTJ very well, but this like a nightmare.
    They are subconciously jealous of your ENFPdom.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Array Digital Demi-Fiend's Avatar
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    Nov 2007


    Why not?

  4. #14
    Member Array
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    Oct 2008


    Well lets not look at like me complaining about family members, Im trying to look at the big picture here and asking "why do I clash with this type so bad?"

    I mean I enjoy all your guys response and they are all 100% correct in my perspective. I'm totally nice to these people. Never mean, never try to step on the mom's toes. I ask my Gf other family members and they just say "I dont know, she just weird."

    I was pondering on the matter of them not feeling guilty and very seldom saying sorry. Are you guys saying they never feel guilt? I don't understand how they can't know when they're in the wrong. Sad thing being, I asked my Gf out of the blue if her mom has ever apologized for anything. There was a brief silence then chuckle. She said " I don't think she ever has." I just can't grasp that state of mind, not one bit.
    Do it and see what happens

  5. #15
    Senior Member Array VanillaCat's Avatar
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    May 2008


    Well, I can grasp my mom's state of mind quite well, but wow, it is scary. Be glad that you can't!

    The way I see it, ESTJs are like needles and ENFPs are the balloons.

    My mom has apologized for things she's done, like overreacting to things, or jumping to conclusions before finding out my perspective beforehand, etc. But only after I cry, Lol. She goes too far sometimes and she realizes it afterwards. It's not a problem with her, but if you try to debate her on her beliefs, she'll justify them any way she can even after you've obliterated every point.
    It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Array vince's Avatar
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    Oct 2007


    2 simple truths in life : Chicks dig jerks & ESTJs are pricks.
    It's what Aimahn said : intuition is the wrong way of doing things, to them.

  7. #17


    Quote Originally Posted by titanguy View Post
    Prime example of them blowing up was tonight when I wrote LOSER on her dusty window and she flipped out on me.
    Way to endear yourself to girlfriend's family. ;-)

    Perhaps your constant joking might be understood by her to mean a lack of respect? I had an ESFJ housemate and, once I understood that she didn't appreciate sarcasm and jokes at her expense, we got along a lot better. She did have a sense of humour but it was of a different mould to mine (and, I assume, yours).

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