[ENFP] ENFPs

[Rachelinpa]

Are there any typical reactions of ENFP women to INTP men?

I find the following insightful:

As an INTP, I've encountered only a few ENFP's. That would generally make me wary of coming to any general conclusions about the personality type; however, the ENFP's that I have interacted with are so well inline with the type descriptions I have read, I decided I would share anyway.

ENFP's do, on the whole, radiate an insane amount of fun, warmth, caring, and spontanaeity. I sometimes wonder where all the energy for these traits come from, but thats a story for later. They are definitely into people, because they get visually depressed when they are put alone for a long period of time. It seems, though, that when put along, they are often not willing to go out and surround themselves with the people they so clearly need; they just sit there and wither into themselves, reflecting on their intuition fueled feelings. If people do not come around them (the ENFPs) and rid them of their feeling of loneliness, then they seem to start thinking the worst. They may think they have been used, or that they have wasted their time, because they put all that effort into maintaining their interpersonal relationships, but no one is willing to turn around and do the same for them. Eventually, the ENFP begin sending out subtle hints that they want some attention, or some company. If no one picks up on these hints, then the ENFP feels even more used, or wasted. This is unlike the ESFP, who, at a moments notice, would go out and actively seek the company of others. Its kinda strange to me, would any of you be able to explain this to me?

Also, it seems as though ENFPs have a two-faced personality: one being the upbeat, fun face mentioned above, and the second being a very sad, confused, speculative face. This second face, I suppose, is a major source of conflict within the ENFP. It induces alot of interestings beliefs from the ENFP: "I feel so fake", "No one really knows who I am", "I don't even know who I am anymore", etc. The second face also seems to give the ENFP some shyness in the presence of new people. They want to make a good impression, they want to be liked, but it seems they are afraid that their second face will be seen and brought to the surface, and that they will be accused of being fake (which would be a serious and believable insult to the ENFP and their set of values). But the shyness fades as they become comfortable with the people they have just met. Am I on target here? Better yet, why does this shyness happen?

Now.. whats with the ENFP-INTP attraction? It seems to me that it is often times mutual, but in any event why does the ENFP see it as something of an ideal? Why would an ENFP project the ideal view of a person with mounds of depth (that second face) and mounds of external love and caring (first face) onto the INTP? I mean, the INTP matches up in the depth department, but doesn't even come close in the continuous extraverted caring department? This is obvious from the get-go. Is the ENFP subconsciously deciding to try and change the INTP to match up to the second ideal? To take the unspoken love and caring and make it verbal? Or has the ENFP just decided to fall back into a misconception, because having someone who connects with them on some non-superficial level is something so hard to come by, so hard to emulate, that they do not want to let it slip by?

It just seems to me that whenever I encounter an ENFP, the result is always the same: they are drawn to me like a moth to a flame, and they seem to silently want something and I have no idea what it is. And I don't mean drawn into a relationship, or into a friendship, I mean just drawn to me.

 

[Lady_X]

^^^ that was a very interesting read... not totally accurate for me personally but somewhat...and since this all new to me and i don't know the types of other people in my life i'll just go on what i've encountered here so far...

when i'm reading the threads and come across an interesting or funny post...and then look over at their type it's usually an intp...they seem to occupy that strange place in the psyche that i relate to but with a different perspective...and i appreciate that...i also love seeing myself in others with my same type... and of course i like all sorts of people but...after being here just a bit...i will say i've noticed that too and it is interesting...i do think it has everything to do with depth and layers and the changeable type flow of conversation

 

[LunaIndigo]

^^ I've read that before as well and it's very accurate to me personally. Especially the two sidedness.

 

[hard_rain]

I also agree completely about the two-sides of the personality. I often worry that people will judge me based on the way I'm currently acting and ignore the rest of me. I have a side that can appear to take nothing seriously, while the other side of me takes almost everything seriously. It's almost like I flip over to the introverted side every once and awhile. It's enough to make me question who I really am, which side is the real side. The only thing is that both sides feel real when I'm experiencing them.

 

[Rachelinpa]

I also agree completely about the two-sides of the personality. I often worry that people will judge me based on the way I'm currently acting and ignore the rest of me. I have a side that can appear to take nothing seriously, while the other side of me takes almost everything seriously. It's almost like I flip over to the introverted side every once and awhile. It's enough to make me question who I really am, which side is the real side. The only thing is that both sides feel real when I'm experiencing them.

See, I feel like the deeper side of me is the more real part of me. Or at least, the part I like better. The other side is more the coping side until someone will actually take note of the other side of me... and when they do... I get all intense and freak them out. Just because well, it's so nice to be known as I really am!

 

[hard_rain]

I agree. I've thought this before as well. The first side comes on more so in places like school, where everything is more...superficial, I guess. It's good to catch people, to make sure they like before you begin revealing the other side. It also helps to determine who you even want to show that other side to.

 

[Into It]

The ENFP's "hidden agenda" is to know. Who better to ask than an INTP? Also, they are easy to control in regular conversation. Though they are formidable in debate

 

[Lady_X]

control? what?

 

[alexx]

I can't control anything, especially my spending.

 

[Lady_X]

control's a dirty word.

 

[Wild horses]

I'm uncomfortable around the word control too Erina!

 

[silverchris9]

^I third that.

And the two sides thing. And I'm scared of being called fake too. I generally have a minor freak out every two to three months on the basis of "feeling fake," which takes the form of depressed speculation almost any time I'm alone, followed by oversharing on Facebook and message boards . This state generally lasts one to two weeks, and ends when I express whichever part of my self I feel I have failed to express, or I just get bored of it.

And about the INTP thing; I don't think that I necessarily need verbalized caring. In fact, sometimes it makes me feel uncomfortable, oddly enough, like people are having to worry about me and I don't want to make people feel that way. On the other hand, sometimes unspoken support does me more good. Touch is as good as (or better than) words in these cases, I think.

 

[tenINsFJ]

control's a dirty word.

LOL

 

[FantailedWall]

Hell yeah, and I always have been.

I might be a freak though, l was a tomboy growing up and I wasn't socialized to be a girly-girl.

In an academic setting, I am always engaged and, yes, outspoken.

EDIT: I AM NEVER THAT IDIOT THOUGH, YOU KNOW THAT IDIOT WHO CAN'T KEEP THEIR TRAP CLOSED, AND WHO JUST TALKS ON FOREVER AND EVER.

Also, if I find the class uninteresting I end up going mute and engaging in my own world, (which usually involves playing on the computer or reading or doing homework )

YOU AND I ARE THE SAME PERSON




But like...seriously.


To the OP: It depends on where you meet me.
I can't speak for ALL ENFPs, but it's not uncommon for an ENFP who has been raised to appreciate the value of logic to have a well developed thinking side - remember, we share the same 'childhood' type as an ENTP - the thinking/feeling preference comes later.
Therefore - meet me at uni, in a tute/engage me an intellectual area of interest - I'll sound rather more logic-inclined/grounded/'T'-like than if you meet me when 'playing' with my friends (and perhaps the seeing it as 'playing' is a very ENFP thing in itself )

Chances are, if we have time to connect one-one-one - to the outside observer, we'll look like we're having easy conversation. This shan't be the case in the slightest. Whilst the words may come easily (and trust me, I'll be good at making you open up - you'll only realise just HOW good in hindsight) it initially won't be the most comfortable discussion as you'll feel like I'm seeing right through you.
Don't worry - I'm having a similar sensation, and possibly freaking out as the walls (imperceptible to the world) I have erected are being intuitively breached.

Things I'll say will make you feel exposed - the way you'll answer/look at me will give me a feeling parallel to that.

...That's my experience with every INFJ I've met thus far, anyway.

 

[LadyJaye]

Whilst the words may come easily (and trust me, I'll be good at making you open up - you'll only realise just HOW good in hindsight) it initially won't be the most comfortable discussion as you'll feel like I'm seeing right through you.
Don't worry - I'm having a similar sensation, and possibly freaking out as the walls (imperceptible to the world) I have erected are being intuitively breached.

Things I'll say will make you feel exposed - the way you'll answer/look at me will give me a feeling parallel to that.

...That's my experience with every INFJ I've met thus far, anyway.

This is very true. I feel like INFJ's are capable of seeing right through me, and visa versa. It's an excruciating exposure sometimes, but I can't look away. If you're brave enough for a connection that pulls you down to your bare walls, then it's a rewarding one to make.

 

[Anja]

This is very true. I feel like INFJ's are capable of seeing right through me, and visa versa. It's an excruciating exposure sometimes, but I can't look away. If you're brave enough for a connection that pulls you down to your bare walls, then it's a rewarding one to make.

I've seen this too, Lady Jaye. You just gotta consider it a ploy and stand tall when it happens.

 

[Lady_X]

that's so funny. my mom is an infj and my enfp sister and i always felt like she just knew everything it was unsettling haha......like she always knew when we were doing something we weren't supposed to...she just has these ice blue eyes that pierce into your soul. it's pure craziness.

 

[pholiveira]

I guess I'm not eligible to agree with y'all, because I had a crush on an INFJ friend some time ago, and she was utterly clueless about it for 5 months, even with my typical ENFP-ish honesty.

In fact, she was clueless about a lot of stuff, I guess too lost in herself.