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  1. #1
    Senior Member Into It's Avatar
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    Default "But you put out that vibe..."

    The other day I was told at a party, and this was before anyone had started drinking, that I looked as if I may have "had a girl or two in my time-" which is far more close to the truth if taken literally than how they meant it. They said I was "putting out that vibe" that made me look "not manipulative- but like you could manipulate whoever you wanted." Also, I was not actively pursuing either of these two girls, which is a main point. Could it have been that I was open to the possibilities of getting to know either one of them better that I looked this way? Maybe, but I feel that way about pretty much everyone. So apparently, I may look like I'm out there seducing people when that's not really the case. And when this happened I was somewhat shocked, but the idea of this being an "ENFP" misunderstanding came to my attention.

    ENFP's, have you run into this?

    Edit: Come to think of it though, I may just fear that I do have the ability to manipulate. But I definitely wasn't being manipulative at this time, and I don't make an effort to manipulate people except for very rarely, and it is usually regretable and impulsive. But I don't think this editing is relevant.

  2. #2
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    hmmmm manipulative? not quite, but flirty, hell yeah. i've met people at a party, cracking jokes and whatnot and they'll assume that i'm some kind of player. they'll tell me to call up some of my lady friends and i'm like 'ummm... this is it'. we ENFP's are jack of all trades, but a lot of us do seem to have an achiles heel in relationships. it's not surprising that people assume that we strive in those situations too.

  3. #3
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    I COMPLETELY understand.

    I get this way too, and that's why one of my guy friends always gets pissed off at me. He says "You're too nice! That's why guys take it the wrong way and you come crying saying how they think you're flirting when you're not."

    I can't help it to be me ya know. I have certain boundaries I don't cross when talking to someone of the opposite sex who is heterosexual (ex- I don't lay my hands on them, I don't flirt in a seductive way). In fact, I come off innocent/playful in a kiddish way with guys who I'm comfortable with.

    I think it's because we're personable people, so it comes off the wrong way. Oh and the part about being manipulative- I have that in me too, but I rarely use it.

    I only apply it when I feel like I'm doing something to benefit the 'Greater Good.' I tend to do really well in sales. I can sell products like it's nothing, but the BEST part of how I apply my skills (I'm so anti-greed, I LOVE it, that's why I don't work in sales anymore), I HONESTLY manipulate people into NOT buying things they don't need/not spending money on cheap useless crap, ESPECIALLY if they're genuinely sincere people. I felt like Robin Hood whenever I did! ;D

  4. #4
    Senior Member Angry Ayrab's Avatar
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    Me Favorite Quote:

    Dudes: Yo Dog, we know use a playa, pull out da numbas.

    Me: Um, let me see here, I got my mom, my boss, my aunt and thats about all the numbas I got from the kind your looking for...

    Playa my ass, I just like to have fun and never cross my boundaries.

  5. #5
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    mmm...

    just the other day, someone told me that i don't have enough charisma to take over the world, but i do have more charisma than most people... lol

    sometimes girls say ur a playa in a roundabout way of flirting with u too...

  6. #6
    Senior Member Simplexity's Avatar
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    I think It's the opposite for me. When I'm sober I'm more inclined to be reclusive and not assertive, barely paying any attention to any girls, when I get a couple of drinks in me I tend to hyper focus and not care how silly I look as long as I'm having a good conversation.

    So I guess the disparity between those two states gives off a certain vibe of multiple personalities that may lead people to believe I'm a schemer and manipulative.
    My cold, snide, intellectual life is just a veneer, behind which lies the plywood of loneliness.

  7. #7
    Senior Member mlittrell's Avatar
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    i was talking to my friend the other day and he pointed out how i see other peoples flaws and motivations without even thinking about it. i think keirsey mentions this in please understand me. ENFPs have a way with people in general so naturally understanding how people think/interact/react can lend them the ability of being quite manipulative if need be. i know ENFJs are phenomenal with this too
    "Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress. "

    "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

    Mahatma Gandhi

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  8. #8
    EvanTheClown (ETC) Clownmaster's Avatar
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    i don't know if i can contribute much that hasn't already been stated above.

    I get confused with being a playa rather consistently. Even today at college I had a girl walk up, sit down and kinda slam my head on her breasts to use them as a pillow (yet I have no interest in this girl. Why's it always the ones you don't want that want you? lol). The playful, energetic, friendly, warm vibe definitely makes us seem like we're instantly successful in the game of girls, but I can count on my fingers (one hand, actually) the number of girls I've slept with.

    Because you can't spell "Slaughter" without "Laughter"

  9. #9
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    I don't think this is unique to ENFP's, I think it might be something about the general total openness of the ENxP that's often mistaken for something else. If I had a penny for every time I've been accused of 'leading someone on' when I had no idea they had any designs on me and nothing had been further from my mind...
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  10. #10
    Senior Member Simplexity's Avatar
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    I always get the leading on comment as well. I think the two biggest factors so far are Ne and the P openness. I think the E is how consistently you portray that image and how often you seek to express yourself in that manner. In my case when I feel like socializing I would say I'm more like a subdued ENTP, which is terrible for me because I can only hold that personna/image for so long before I feel the need to retreat.

    Actually the biggest thing I think is the genuineness factor, with some of my SJ friends it can be blatantly obvious when they try and lie to build themselves up, and act in a contrived way, which is something I don't think ENXP's do(or if they do they're so used to it they're naturals), maybe its that ability to harness the go with the flow mentality.
    My cold, snide, intellectual life is just a veneer, behind which lies the plywood of loneliness.

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