Hexis, with parenting, it's not all or nothing. Show up when you can... When I was young, I saw my mom once every 2 weeks and she and I are very, very close. Things will get better and you'll get into a routine with your ex. Just try to do something special to express your respect for your ex next time you visit your son. Show up right on time with a fun plan (I don't know how old your son is, so maybe plans aren't possible).