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Thread: INFP Anger?

  1. #1
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    Default INFP Anger?

    I know there have been a lot of topics about this lately, but I wonder if other INFP's or NF's or any other types do this. Do you get in fights with people when you are just so mad where you're unreasonable, and furious, but you can't bring yourself to say the really mean stuff you may have been thinking for forever but never said? Or you do and later you feel so guilty and want to apologize/do apologize and realize that it really wasn't worth it for all the guilt?

    Ok totally different scenario, do you find that some people you will NEVER get mad at or say mean things to, but like one person (like a family member) you will actually say really mean things to and get mad at all the time?

    For me, it's so weird because I absolutely hate fighting with friends, and if I do get into a fight, never say the things I know will really hurt them, I just try and end it without backing down on my side.

  2. #2
    Member Oleander's Avatar
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    Umm in one word YES

  3. #3
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    What? no. I get mad at my friends all the time and I yell at them when they are being silly/stupid.

    I do NOT yell or get mad at strangers or acquaintances though.. thats just rude.

  4. #4
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    I tend to enjoy disagreements. It feels good. It's gets the blood flowing in a relationship.

    Nothing like the bad kind of tension. The vague, buzzing, anxious tension... Yech.

    I like to say what needs to be said. I don't really keep things in the back of my mind. If I choose not to bring something up, it's because I've gotten over it, or am at least trying to.

  5. #5
    Senior Member niki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    I tend to enjoy disagreements. It feels good. It's gets the blood flowing in a relationship.

    Nothing like the bad kind of tension. The vague, buzzing, anxious tension... Yech.

    I like to say what needs to be said. I don't really keep things in the back of my mind. If I choose not to bring something up, it's because I've gotten over it, or am at least trying to.
    wow..i really wish i could be like you.
    'cuz dragging & hiding the true feelings usually never lead me into a happy life.
    but alas, after 5-6 years, i even still found it hard to change into more assertive & no "winding words", just straight to the point.

    i do wonder, disregard,
    were you always like this,
    or you've gone through some 'hard' process , until you finally be able to be like you are now (ie: saying straight-forwardly, don't keep things constantly back in mind,..which IMO, really one MAJOR problems for INFP, & i would even say, most INFP, including me) ?

    and for those of you who've changed from being passive (or aggressive, ie: "pointless, unfocused anger") into assertive person, can you tell or advise how or what made you finally changed into being that?

    please share.

  6. #6
    Senior Member blanclait's Avatar
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    ^
    as NT, i'm supposed to like arguments and discussions. But often i don't (with people, on paper, etc is different story). I rather keep things peaceful in terms of relationship and life.

    Reason is simple, it got annoying.
    there were just way too many people who are narrow minded, with the typical "sensor's argument," in theories, etc (which is is usually what i talk about)

  7. #7
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    niki, it did take time for me to be like that. I used to have a helpless, possibly passive aggressive approach to my relationships, but one day I threw all that out of the window and decided to grow up. The process consisted of giving my inner voice some, or lots, of "say" in what I choose to communicate to the people in my life, which I had previously avoided out of fear of being vulnerable to rejection, which I decided wouldn't rule my life anymore.

    But, I should clarify, I do not identify with the OP in harboring "really mean stuff you may have been thinking for forever but never said".. It's not because I'm a "good" person, but I'm just pretty easy-going and don't really have a lot of opinions on people.

  8. #8
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lindsay5889 View Post
    I know there have been a lot of topics about this lately, but I wonder if other INFP's or NF's or any other types do this. Do you get in fights with people when you are just so mad where you're unreasonable, and furious, but you can't bring yourself to say the really mean stuff you may have been thinking for forever but never said? Or you do and later you feel so guilty and want to apologize/do apologize and realize that it really wasn't worth it for all the guilt?

    Ok totally different scenario, do you find that some people you will NEVER get mad at or say mean things to, but like one person (like a family member) you will actually say really mean things to and get mad at all the time?

    For me, it's so weird because I absolutely hate fighting with friends, and if I do get into a fight, never say the things I know will really hurt them, I just try and end it without backing down on my side.
    I do this all the time , I want to let loose and unsult them until they cry yet i don't, I just keep it bottled up and then one day go nuts and get into fights instead.

    I feel angry alot of the time, and yes there are some people I never get angry with, but some people rub me up the wrong way. I had one friend who kept winding me up so badly I don't think I have had a friend I fought with physically so often.

    Mind you that was back when I was 18, I'm alot older now and don'[t get into fights as often, only with strangers who rub me up the wrong way and they pretty much take the brunt of my anger that I can't direct at the people directly responsible for the rage.

    It's been quite different since I read the INFP type description, especially about the bottling up and snapping, since I read that I have made more effort to talk to people I care about before it gets to that stage. So at least there's an awareness to work from now.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

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  9. #9
    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
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    My ISFP sister is like this.
    She only gets mad at people who she knows will forgive her afterward, such as me and other family members.
    I can't not forgive her and we never had any big disagreements- so if I'm the one she takes her anger out on- let it be.

    I am someone who disagrees for the sake of disagreeing. So, that doesn't help.

    If I get angry at someone, I'm usually responding to anger from them.
    If I have a disagreement or problem with someone, I will calmly reason with them.

    If I don't want a compromise, watch out, I get real :steam:.
    The inferior Te takes over.

    What I do..
    If they listen to reason= I give them reason
    If they don't listen to reason= Let the 'games' begin
    MBTI Type: iNTj
    Enneagram Type: 3w4 sp/sx

  10. #10
    Senior Member niki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    It's been quite different since I read the INFP type description, especially about the bottling up and snapping, since I read that I have made more effort to talk to people I care about before it gets to that stage. So at least there's an awareness to work from now.
    does doing it make your life harder, or much easier now?
    compared to the method that you're using in the past, which one would you choose/prefer? which one had a better result?
    and how HARD was it to learn that (ie: "effort to talk to people you care before it gets to that uncontrollable-anger stage") ?
    how did you do the 'inner-workings' inside yourself, until you've finally have the GUTS to just calmly tell the people for what it is, rather than waiting until you exploed (your method in the past?)

    you know,
    i really salute and admire for those INFPs who've managed to talk in assertive way, straight-to-the-point, and without fear, sustained anger, and most importantly, not to seek approval and pleasing everybody!
    because....i'm still struggling....very hard with it! (it's already been 4 years, for god-sake! and indeed, i still haven't got enough GUTS to boldly be assertive. perhaps disregard is right, the key is to give my inner-voice more "say" , as it's supposed to be!)

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