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Thread: INFP Anger?

  1. #31
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    I'm not good at fighting.

    But you piss me off, I will fight back. Maybe not well, but I'll fight.

    I'm more prone to being irritated than angry though. Anger comes from someone stepping on my boundaries, or on the boundaries of those around me.

    Problem is I get emotional, and I feel every word I say loses an ounce of credibility with each rise in emotion. I try very hard to keep my cool so that doesn't happen, but it can happen. And has. Enough for me to be annoyed about it.
    4w3, IEI, so/sx/sp, female, and Cancer sign.

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    DISCLAIMER: If I offend you, I'm 99.9% sure it's unintentional. So be sure to let me know, m'kay? (And yes, an INFP would stick this in their signature, lol.)

  2. #32
    Senior Member mockingbird's Avatar
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    Conflict really stresses me out but after ten years of being married to an INTJ, his more agressive attitude has worn off on me a bit. He never let's me get away with saying "I'm fine" when he asks me what's wrong. He just prods until I tell him the truth. That's gotten me in the habit of expressing my anger before it blows up and though Im still a lot more tactful than he is Im a lot less passive agressive.

    My mom is an INFP. When she finally blows up, it's actually pretty comical. She gets really melodramatic and goes into these florid speeches like she's some kind of tragic wounded heroine. I swear I can hear a choir humming His Truth is Marching on in the background! Lol!

  3. #33
    Senior Member SciVo's Avatar
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    I think it's interesting to compare and contrast different personality theories. At one enneagram site, INFP, INFJ, ISFP and ISFJ all had 9 for the second-most-common enneagram type; INFP and INFJ both had 4 for the most common, while ISFP and ISFJ had 6 for the most common. Those three are all in different centers, so they're very distinctive.

    9s are the one in the Instinctive Center, where anger is the dominant emotion (in terms of the unconscious response to the forgetting of self, if I understand correctly). However, what characterizes 9s is the suppression and denial of our anger. 4s are in the feeling center, where the dominant emotion is shame, which they deal with by focusing on what makes them special. So, I'd expect that a thread about INFPs and anger could be divided into two parts: one about its paradoxical centrality and suppression that would be applicable to a significant minority of all IFs, and one about... however 4s experience anger... that would be applicable to a larger portion of both INFs.
    INFP ~ Fi/Ne/Ni/Te ~ 9-2-4 sp/so

  4. #34
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    SciVo, that's interesting. I'm a 4, but my stress point is two, and also 4s tend to dramatize their emotions to an extent. Stress point being two means when stressed I fall into people pleasing, aka I take on the traits of an unhealthy 2. I also score very close to a 9, so I definitely think there's some correlation between that, but I also know for a fact I'm 4.

    But a 4's dramatic tirade and a 9's explosion of bottled anger, I believe, would seem quite similar to the untrained eye.
    4w3, IEI, so/sx/sp, female, and Cancer sign.

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    DISCLAIMER: If I offend you, I'm 99.9% sure it's unintentional. So be sure to let me know, m'kay? (And yes, an INFP would stick this in their signature, lol.)

  5. #35
    Member Tropics's Avatar
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    INFP's angry? NEVER. Well almost never in my case, that's why when it does happen it's an emotional explosion, somebody gets hurt, mostly me, I feel so BAD even if the person deserved it and most of these people really had it coming. I went off on my supervisor at work a few months ago, (after months of holding it in)the woman walks on everybody and I was trying to find some good in her but I realized she was just MEAN because she was given power. One of my coworkers said she was shaking when I was done, she was so terrified. Strangely, the supervisor is so nice to me now. I guess she realized I have some backbone. I hate bullies. Yep, INFP's do get angry for a CAUSE.

  6. #36
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tropics View Post
    INFP's angry? NEVER. Well almost never in my case, that's why when it does happen it's an emotional explosion, somebody gets hurt, mostly me, I feel so BAD even if the person deserved it and most of these people really had it coming. I went off on my supervisor at work a few months ago, (after months of holding it in)the woman walks on everybody and I was trying to find some good in her but I realized she was just MEAN because she was given power. One of my coworkers said she was shaking when I was done, she was so terrified. Strangely, the supervisor is so nice to me now. I guess she realized I have some backbone. I hate bullies. Yep, INFP's do get angry for a CAUSE.

    This is my experience....when I do actually blow up (after being pushed & pushed & pushed), it strikes fear into the hearts of the people witnessing it
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #37
    Senior Member mockingbird's Avatar
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    SciVo, that's really interesting. You know I'm familiar with MBTI, but the enneagram is very new to me. Most of my knowledge about it comes from the conversations of ladies in my painting group. Not extreamly helpful. And I have no idea what a stress point is. Very curious though...
    About expressions of anger, though, I have observed that other INFPs are nothing like my mother in this sense. Maybe the enneagram has more to say about how differrent types express anger? I don't know enough about that to say myself.
    I have noticed that my INFP mom doesn't seem to really get how others percieve her angry outbursts and that it ruins her credibility no matter how right she often is. Maybe she doesn't care and just wants to give the unfortunate recipient of her tirade a bad day. She often succeeds! Me on the other hand, I am so obsessed with proving myself right that Ill shut myself away for hours writing out my thoughts and organize them as though I were preparing for a highschool debate. Does anyone else do that?

  8. #38
    Senior Member mockingbird's Avatar
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    ....but then, I usually end up feeling guilty after asserting how right I am. It often sucks to be right.

  9. #39
    Magical BlackCat's Avatar
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    I'm an enneagram 9w8 sx/so, and my dominant emotion is indeed anger. To prevent myself from exploding onto people I try to vent as much as I possibly can, when I don't like someone they will know it. If I don't vent my anger in some way then I WILL explode at them. Or my attitude toward them will get worse and worse, and then eventually something will trigger me.

    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    I tend to enjoy disagreements. It feels good. It's gets the blood flowing in a relationship.

    Nothing like the bad kind of tension. The vague, buzzing, anxious tension... Yech.

    I like to say what needs to be said. I don't really keep things in the back of my mind. If I choose not to bring something up, it's because I've gotten over it, or am at least trying to.
    I pretty much agree with this whole post, I'm pretty sure disregard is also a 9w8 INFP. It's really weird... I enjoy conflict yet not really bad conflict. Non bad conflict is integral for me to have with someone.

    When I get mad or I disagree with something someone is doing, I pretty much make these feelings clear so that they don't bog down my psyche. If I don't assert them they will just get worse and will build up more and more.

    If I get more steadily angry, then I reach my limit. I get physical, get very verbally aggressive, and just generally very, very mad.

    And along with all of this I do harbor things that would be hurtful that annoy me about people within me. I do this with people I respect, since the positives much outweigh the negatives, and as I said non bad conflict is integral for me. If it's someone I don't respect I just simply don't associate myself with them so I don't get more annoyed with them.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  10. #40
    Magical BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbles View Post
    But a 4's dramatic tirade and a 9's explosion of bottled anger, I believe, would seem quite similar to the untrained eye.
    Indeed.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

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