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Thread: INFP Anger?

  1. #11
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niki View Post
    does doing it make your life harder, or much easier now?
    compared to the method that you're using in the past, which one would you choose/prefer? which one had a better result?
    and how HARD was it to learn that (ie: "effort to talk to people you care before it gets to that uncontrollable-anger stage") ?
    how did you do the 'inner-workings' inside yourself, until you've finally have the GUTS to just calmly tell the people for what it is, rather than waiting until you exploed (your method in the past?)
    Honestly I am still way at the beginning of getting a grip on it, I don't always say what's bothering me still now, the only difference being is that before I feel the snap coming on I talk myself into saying something.

    There are still some people in my life (like my ESFJ sister) who I see no point in talking to when I'm about to snap at her, because I know it would be a wasted conversation. She deserves every ounce of my rage once I'm at that level lol.

    It's not easier of harder, all it is is an awareness to work upon, a knowing that if I talk now I can prevent losing it towards someone I care about. It doesn't always happen, but I have moments in which I manage it. The moments I do manage it has been prompted by remembering that this is something I want to work on, remembering that it's an INFP weakness, and mentally talking myself through it with the remembrance mantra.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  2. #12
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    The only thing I've noticed like this with INFP's is that they are so sensitive that when they really care about something it must physically hurt them or something because they will have an outburst and get angry yet this anger is not really directed at anyone. They will complain about people when they're not around rather than confront someone directly.

    I worked with an INFP designer who was very talented yet he cared so much about the integrity of his work that it really bothered him to do anything he felt violated that, like if the client wanted to add something stupid. Generally, the best approach was to try to explain your position while acknowledging his desire to want things "good".
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  3. #13
    Senior Member Dwigie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    The only thing I've noticed like this with INFP's is that they are so sensitive that when they really care about something it must physically hurt them or something because they will have an outburst and get angry yet this anger is not really directed at anyone. They will complain about people when they're not around rather than confront someone directly.

    I worked with an INFP designer who was very talented yet he cared so much about the integrity of his work that it really bothered him to do anything he felt violated that, like if the client wanted to add something stupid. Generally, the best approach was to try to explain your position while acknowledging his desire to want things "good".
    Not infp but...
    right on target.(I get lenghty "panic pangs" in my chest, guilt, anger pangs as well. When I'm depressed it's as if I had been exhaling too deeply and opposite for "joyful?".But they last long so I monitor my relationships carefully or I'd get into pretty bad shape.
    Sometimes I feel like I'm "on Mercury"-

  4. #14
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    I get this way too. If I get really mad at someone, and i know what I'm thinking is ULTRA mean, I keep it to myself. Sometimes, even when people are mad, they do speak truth. In other words, they do spit out what they've really been feeling. Not that they were thinking irrationally, but it truly was what they felt inside.

    If I don't like something about someone/they deliberately try to pick fights with me, I don't resort to saying things I know would really hurt them deep-down-inside, because it's true. In my eyes, those who do, mostly do it out of lack of worth/self-projection.

    Sometimes, the most sensitive topics about a person are something I personally would not cross despite how angry I am. It's a matter of showing someone some kind of dignity even if they're acting like a foe.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Dwigie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viv View Post
    I get this way too. If I get really mad at someone, and i know what I'm thinking is ULTRA mean, I keep it to myself. Sometimes, even when people are mad, they do speak truth. In other words, they do spit out what they've really been feeling. Not that they were thinking irrationally, but it truly was what they felt inside.

    If I don't like something about someone/they deliberately try to pick fights with me, I don't resort to saying things I know would really hurt them deep-down-inside, because it's true. In my eyes, those who do, mostly do it out of lack of worth/self-projection.

    Sometimes, the most sensitive topics about a person are something I personally would not cross despite how angry I am. It's a matter of showing someone some kind of dignity even if they're acting like a foe.
    I won't lie, I've sometimes stepped out of line.
    Keeping things inside results in the above...not good.Not good.
    I just go away nowadays but when I was a kid I'd curse people out no matter who they were. But now I have a huge self-control I didn't know I had.
    Sometimes I feel like I'm "on Mercury"-

  6. #16
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    YES and I'm kind of glad to hear that other INFPs feel the same way, because I always feel terrible when I get so mad at someone, it rives me to thinnking really mean things :\, and I don't mean any of them..
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  7. #17
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    [q]Sometimes, the most sensitive topics about a person are something I personally would not cross despite how angry I am. It's a matter of showing someone some kind of dignity even if they're acting like a foe.[/q]

    This is what kills me. Because when I'm mad at people I can't say why I'm really mad, because it's usually something about their personality or something they do that makes me furious, and it's just crossing a line to tell them that. So I just get blow up and get mad at them for things I don't care about rather than tell them the truth and be cruel. So after I fight one time with someone, I keep fighting with them more and more because I get more and more frustrated with whatever they're doing and can't tell them.

  8. #18
    Resident Snot-Nose GZA's Avatar
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    I was an angry kid. Like I was fucking apeshit, people were afraid of me. If you asked my close friends and neighbors where they thought I'd be at 17 they'd say I'd be in a courthouse for beating someone senseless or soemthing . Or that I'd be missing everything in my life to go get high. I'm not even joking, that would be the logical sequence of events based on how I reacted to things.

    At some point I changed though, just as I got older and started to truely become concious of actions and reactions and other people and everything. When I started playing guitar, that gave me a lot of peace, too. I went through a way-too-nice-guy phase for like a year or two, as well, which was bassically just way overcompensation, and I've since then basically cleaned up the mess from that. I'm not sure if this is even relevant to anger anymore, but fuck it, it needs to be said. All that -angry, too-nice, ect, is all from being dishonest or unfair to yourself. I didn't know what I wanted, and rather then acknowledging my weak point and making it stronger I just lashed out. Rather then going with the flow, I tried to disrupt it. When I over-changed into the too-nice guy, I was going with the flow without being involved in it. I may have begun to know what I wanted, but I wasn't honest with myself about it, I wasn't honest in my actions with my intentions and values, and it crumbled. All you have to do is look at your intentions and needs/wants and make your actions/words follow suit. This way nothing gets bottled up, either. You go with the flow, and help shape the flow, too, even if that means some real conflict with yourself and your surroundings.

    I don't get angry at other people anymore, either. The way I see it, it all has to do with the flow. Those people will get whatever their attitude and actions will serve them -I don't even need to say or do a thing, or even think a thing, it will happen anyway. Their outcome is the sum of their habits, so who am I to condem them?

  9. #19
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    Its a great thing when you find that balance. I spent alot of my life on extremes as well. I was either too confrontational or I was too much of a pushover. Both ways I never really got what I wanted and I've learned to live my life more in the middle.

    What I keep learning from this whole personality deal is to be "balanced in all things." And it really does seem to work best that way for me.

  10. #20
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    I'm at fault for when I get mean/explode when I'm really mad, but not to the extent of vindictiveness, even though in my mind, my blunt & honest assessment about that person could really hurt. That's what I mean.

    For instance, if someone who's cocky thinks they're ultra good looking, buff, drives a monster-truck talks like they're the shit sent from above. If I'm mad/get into a fight with them, I could not just flat out say, "I'm sorry. Small packages come in big cars, don't they??" I just for the life of me, cannot blurt out anything cruel like that. Boundaries are important- some lines we just really shouldn't cross, no matter how angry we are, especially when it comes to a person's physical or mental attributes. It could really hurt.

    That's why if I know I don't get along with someone, I'd rather just avoid them in general so that the mean thoughts I have of them don't even have to cross my mind, which is also another reason why I'm not good at kissing butt/bureaucracy. Being personally vindictive and sucking up are two things I inherently cannot force myself to do. I just can't! =)

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