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Thread: INFP with ISTJ co-worker = PAIN

  1. #11


    That for above posts- No, I'm not always following the rules. 99% of the tiem I feel like a fish out of water, working in IT. It's all about rules and process and following procedure. To keep things from going wrong. Thats why I dislike it. I'd rather just apply the firmware and see what happens, instead of writing out steps and possible issues and fail backs for each scenario. Goes against my grain :-) But I DO it! I write out change management requests and get approval and detail the steps I'm taking, etc. I am following the rules. Maybe not HIS rules, but I do my best at my job.

    Previously, I was kind of my own little department (I work in Storage, I'm the only one in the department who does it). Suddenly he was team lead, which is fine. but now when I have meetings with vendors that I've always dealt with alone, he takes over the meeting. And I mean he talks over me, interupts when I'm speaking, doesn't let me get a word in. Like I said earlier, I feel like a child. Sure he's a lead- and higher than me- but come on. I know more than he does I love correcting him LOL.

    It seems to me he likes a pecking order- and no, I'm not folowing the rules because I don't respect his position anymore. I want to say he's a control freak, and doesn't respect me because of my title. IE if I had a higher title but still did the same job, he'd treat me differently. Is that ST?

    One weekend we had a tech watching backups to make sure the new system worked. TL had told him to write down each backup and time it completed in spreadsheet, but he was having issues connecting to it remotely from home (he had to refresh screenmanually). I was cc'd. I replied back "why are we doign this? We can run a report in 2 seconds from the database, you don't have to manually record each item- just make sure they run properly!). Later on that day, when he checked his emails, he replied to us all and said Why did you change this? I told you how to do it, it was for a reason, now do it how I told you!). Later on that week when we were back at work, he admitted my way would have worked. So we had 2 guys stay up from 11 pm to 8 am Typing reports that could ahve been pulled in 5 minutes. I have to mentioned i spent about 20 minutes trying to explain to him over the phone. He didnt want to listen. It's my way or the highway. His atitude was, I'm the boss and it's not your place to question me. Ummm- even if it could ahve saved hours of work???

    ARGH. End rant. Sorry guys, just thinking about all the little things... FYI, I have brough this up with my manager, and he's had a talking to (I'm not only person complaining about him). but still. Little things like this keep happening, and it's FRUSTRATING, and I don't want to run to management with every little issue. Besides, it's more an attitude than any specific thing. Maybe I should just move companies, see if that helps.

  2. #12


    Quote Originally Posted by eternitybc View Post
    1) He overhears a phone conversation (sits next to me), he will interupt to tell me how to answer/do the request (usually wrong, sicne he only heard half conversation)
    Hmm I do this to the INFP who works for me... Granted I'm not usually wrong though. I wonder if this is an ST thing. I have an ability to hear conversations across the room and if I think I can help I offer my input. I do however recognise this can be frustrating My motivation for this is normally to help out though. The guy I keep refering to is fairly new at the job and does need help, and sometimes he is talking plain rubbish....

    Quote Originally Posted by eternitybc View Post
    2) He requested we submit status reports weekly. Not a big deal to most people, but people at levels higher than me don't have to do this. It's only people on HIS team (3 people). earlier this year I had a week FULL of meetings for a project, he was in all of them. Mon-Fri. The next Monday, he emaleld me asking for a status report of work the rpevious week. I replied back with the list- 1. Meeting for Backup RFP. He emailed me bnack for more details. That ticked me off and I just stopped doing them altogether. My manager (above him) won't give me heck, since I'm not required to do them anyways

    3. Not letting me do my job. This is kind of hard to explain. I used to just DO my work, no he required I detail everything out and asks the status of things and where i"m at- Constantly. Whereas my Manager will say - where are we at, when will it be done? I can say I've done this and this, I'll have it done by Friday. No, this guy needs to know what steps are left, when I'm doign them, how I'm doign them, etc etc. It's like he doesn't trust me??
    These 2 would do my head in. Sounds like he's a bit of a control freak - or his memory is not good. It may be that he is getting chased for this sort of information and rather than complie it himself he's asking the rest of you to do the leg work... IF this was the case and he explained it, would you have less of an issue doing the status reports?

    Quote Originally Posted by eternitybc View Post
    I'm thinking of becoming a real estate agent, I can be my own boss SO is it a problemw ith authority I have, or do you think it's just this person?? I also have to say he's a decnt enough guy, and outside of work we get along fine (lunch, coffee, after work outings). Or maybe I just hate my job and I'm pinning it all on him? I don't know. But I'm so stressed out lately coming to work, I HATE it!!! And at night, I'm too tired to try and think of a way out or something I'd like better. I just want to go to sleep (I get home at 5:30!). I knwo you shouldn't jump into a career just t leave the one you have, but if I stay here I won't make it to another one :-)
    something that was said to me about the INFP who works for me that may ring true for you is that he needs to understand the why's. Yes you may have a bit of a problem with authority - but hey who doesn't!!!

    Have you been able to approach him about his attitude? It may be that he doesn't realise he's making you feel like this, and it may not be intended. I know I've been in that situation before and have been mortified that i've upset the person. Us ST's are nice people really, but we can come across as very blunt and harsh to NF's at times...

  3. #13
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    COMPATIBILITY: INFPs and ISTJs generally exhibit a natural predator/prey relationship, which, though it might appear harsh and cruel from the outside, is all part of the natural cycle of life. In fact, were it not for the predation of the ISTJ, the population of INFPs would soon grow to unsustainable levels, overwhelming the ability of their ecological niche to support them.
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  4. #14
    Senior Member Array mlittrell's Avatar
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    i haven't read all the posts so sorry if i repeat information. first off, if you aren't happy with your job, think of a different career path that makes you happy whether it makes money or not. second, as far as the ISTJ boss, all you need to do is show him respect and follow the rules as best you can and you will find that he will be quite an enjoyable boss. i have an ISTJ boss and an ESTJ boss, but as long as i do what they say to the best of my ability they will ask for my opinion and show respect to me in many ways. and whats awsome about ISTJ bosses is they always when i do something extra for them which leads to lots of extra little benefits.

    believe me though, i understand your situation. just hang in there
    "Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress. "

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  5. #15
    Senior Member Array swordpath's Avatar
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    I don't think you like your job, nor being told how to do your job. Understandable but at work you pretty much always have superiors and its not really one's place in a position like yours to do much to contend that. If he's invading privacy or breaking company policy, best you can do is discuss the matter with him and hope for the best outcome, lol. If its still a problem, jump your chain of command and go to the manager or whoever is directly above team lead.

    My advice: You're already planning to quit, so suck it up and avoid conflict.

  6. #16
    IRL is not real Array Cimarron's Avatar
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    Aug 2008
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    Well, if the guy has an attitude problem, then he has an attitude problem. I can't tell that from where I'm sitting. The parts of this related to "type" is what I've tried to explain here. He doesn't sound too much like a jerk, just a control freak as you said.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  7. #17
    Emerging Array Tallulah's Avatar
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    Feb 2008


    Can you maybe have a talk with him and point out to him that you always deliver the results he wants, even if you don't explain your process? And that you have a certain way of doing things that is probably very different than the way he'd do it, and having to write up step-by-step details and goals is actually taking away from your productivity, rather than enhancing it?

    I'd be frustrated in your situation, too. I like to be left to my own devices, and just given a deadline. Having to take time out of my day to explain to someone HOW and WHERE and WHY I'm going to accomplish something, instead of just being allowed to accomplish it on my own, makes me extraordinarly cranky and resentful.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Array The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Sep 2007


    The promblem sounds simple at heart. He likes to micromanage everything you guys do and since I work in IT I know what kind of pain in ass that is. Sorry to hear man.
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  9. #19


    I work wiht an ISTJ. She is my boss--we do not get along *at all.* I just put in my notice of resignation today... woohoo! FREEDOM!

    My sympathies go out to you. I've been here for 15 months and I still haven't figured out a way to make it work any better.


    "We must apply our humble efforts to build a more just and humane world. I want to affirm emphatically: such a world is possible. To create this new society we must reach out our hands, without hatred and rancour, for reconciliation and peace, with unfaltering determination in the defense of truth and justice. We know we cannot plant seeds with closed fists. To sow we must open our hands."

    ~Adolfo Esquivel

  10. #20


    MacGuffin, you made me LAUGH!! I have to point out though that I'm not good prey- I fight back, which is probably causing the issues (Yes, I stand up to him when he interupts, etc- I call him on it. he gets upset because it's not my "place" to question his authority).

    Thanks for responses everyone. yes, I'm leaving. I'd already decided to leave after Christmas and contract for another company (yet to be decided). I just hope I'm leaving for the right reasons, and won't have the same issues elsewhere.

    Arilee- I've already asked if status reports are for a reason, but what what I've gathered- they're for his eyes only. If it was for my Manager, who isn't around 24x7 and DOES need to be kept up to date- I'd happily do it. But I like my manager

    FWIW, he's been approached by me a few times, and also management (others have complaiend). He apparently didn't realsie he had a people problem. Which is scary!! But yeah. I have to say his behavious has GREATLY improved the last few weeks (he was essentially put on probation), but i'm still finding it hard to respect him.

    Anyways, I'll tough it out for a few weeks, and hopefulyl I'll have figured out what I want to do by Christmas. I do feel better- thanks everyone :

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