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  1. #11
    Senior Member VanillaCat's Avatar
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    Yeah, ENFPs won't really stay mad at you... I'm really sensitive and I probably would have done the same thing. Then I would think, maybe it was my fault, and feel guilty and sad. I might not forgive or forget what you did, but almost guaranteed that within a month, we'd be fine. Just call her as soon as you can and say that you didn't mean to hurt my feelings and end it there. And also, don't say anything like, "But you really should not have been late." or whatever. That would just negate the fact that you didn't want to hurt her feelings. Maybe you can make a nice joke and or talk about something that happened at the place you went to. Like, what she thought about it and stuff. You could invite her somewhere after you talk

    If you don't think you should apologize or anything, it is totally fine too. She will probably get over it within a month if not a week. Just a matter of how you want to go about it. I'd do the first, but whatever floats your boat!
    It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it.

  2. #12
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    @ indie

    If being late is really a pet peeve of yours, an ENFP generally would not make a good carpool mate for you.

    I suggest, as some others did, that you apologize for hurting her feelings, but to reduce frustration,
    you should ride with someone else, or learn to be comfortable with being late.

  3. #13
    Junior Member
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    We are cool with each other now. Apparently what had happened was that (unbeknown to me) she'd made it some personal improvement project to be better about being on time, esp. to church. My mention of our lateness was like pointing out her failure.

    Of course, she said she realized I didn't know this and apologized herself.

    I must say: It's *so* very nice that ENFPs don't hold grudges! Continually rehashing some old misunderstanding is such a waste of time.

  4. #14
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenix13 View Post
    ENFPs need to feel accepted for who they are. Your buddy is indeed overreacting, so I wouldn't appologize. Nevertheless, I would take steps to make her feel accepted despite the inperfection.

    I'd suggest that you reassure her that you still "like her", know she "means well," and [insert compliment], BUT, you have needs. And you need to get to church on time. Also add that even if she doesn't think she can ride to church with you, you hope it won't hurt your friendship. ...or some bs like that. Good luck.
    Best advice yet.

  5. #15
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GZA View Post
    Five bucks says she doesn't even care tommorow. I'm dead serious, too. I used to do that all the time -get mad at someone for like a day or whatever and sleep it off. Kind of silly and maybe immature, but it happens.
    also true

  6. #16
    Senior Member Maabus1999's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VanillaCat View Post
    Yeah, ENFPs won't really stay mad at you... I'm really sensitive and I probably would have done the same thing. Then I would think, maybe it was my fault, and feel guilty and sad. I might not forgive or forget what you did, but almost guaranteed that within a month, we'd be fine. Just call her as soon as you can and say that you didn't mean to hurt my feelings and end it there. And also, don't say anything like, "But you really should not have been late." or whatever. That would just negate the fact that you didn't want to hurt her feelings. Maybe you can make a nice joke and or talk about something that happened at the place you went to. Like, what she thought about it and stuff. You could invite her somewhere after you talk

    If you don't think you should apologize or anything, it is totally fine too. She will probably get over it within a month if not a week. Just a matter of how you want to go about it. I'd do the first, but whatever floats your boat!
    One month eh? Fascinating, I should do a social experiment over the mean time for ENFP's to get over something done unintentional.

    Joke's aside, I have been in (may still be in) a similiar experience with an ENFP over the past month. You all are very intriguing how you go about some of your emotional spurts, but unfortunately my bad habit of patience and a "will" that can't be beat seems to win out over time (at least with my family member ENFP's).

  7. #17
    Member BlownAway's Avatar
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    ENFP:s are hard to understand sometimes. Especially those who hasn't learned to control and develop their introverted feeling (Fi).

    I could burst out in flames and tears in the most strange situations when I was younger. Now I know what my inner values are and what happens if someone crosses them. I think "acceptance" is a strong value for most ENFP:s (maybe your friend was afraid that she wasn't accepted for some reason?). For me it's also "freedom from rules and control" and "fairness". When someone or something stepped on these things I used to overreact and become totally oversensitive. Now at least I know what is going on and can be more calm about it. Maybe you can help your friend to learn more about introverted feeling and sit down and define inner values?

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