[ENFP] How can I tell if an ENFP is into me?

[ed111]

Dont mistake INTJ arrogant confidence for the same confidence women look at...it will trap you.

For self control, do you have jealousy or aggressive over tone towards other guys if they hit on a girl you like?

Challenge...HA! We have a lot to discuss young ed111 san. Think of the "game" guys and girls play in relationship building, and past the immaturities of it, you'll see some hints on what challenge is.

I've learned just to be myself ... I know I'm a nice guy so I'm sure that will come out if people get to know me. I know that I annoy people with my arrogant demeanour. I find it strange that they don't realise how I see myself as being someone who realises his limitations, and is aware of his own insignificance in the world.

I don't feel aggression towards others. I'm quite philosophical, even defeatest when girls get hit on. It's something I've grown used to.

 

[AgentF]

I saw the ENFP in question this morning with an ESFP friend and she was literally hiding from me. She put herself behind someone else and a pillar. Is she being really shy or is this avoidance?

she is overwhelmed by her feelings and is avoiding having to show you them.

 

[the state i am in]

yeah...if you wait too long we get impatient and once its gone its gone.

is this universally true across the board? so far the thread seems extremely diffuse and inconsistent, but it makes sense because 7w6 and 7w8 enfps are so different, as are so/sx, sx/so, and so/sp subtypes. why does it go so easily? does it come back in the right situation? do you have to process it in a way that rationalizes it away to make it disappear, or do you just pop up in a different place and the relevancy factor of the other situation is now so far away that it would take too long to make your way back to that story that it just doesn't seem feasible? like you have to swim against the current of experience to access the Fi case files and open them up again. is there a noticeable difference or distinction you make between people who would easily be tabled and disappear and those who do not disappear so easily?

she is overwhelmed by her feelings and is avoiding having to show you them.

what are tell-tale signs that show this? is there any consistency on the exterior surface in terms of behavior, strategy, fear response, reasons for avoidance, etc, or is it just up to the particular situation and the experiences each one of you has had to guess at what you enfps would do in the story given?

 

[Thalassa]

Very easily. An ENFP who is into you will gush at you and hug you and love you and lust after you and possibly stalk you.

An ENFP who is merely nice, kind, chatty, or friendly either just likes you as a friend or may be using you for sex.

 

[Lily flower]

Yeah, pretty much all of the above. No idea when someone is into me, in thaaaat way.

And "is she flirting with me?" that one is a toughie. I've been told that I flirt with everyone. I know that I do tend to withdraw when I like someone, that's my way of flirting I guess

I have heard both ENFP's and ENFJ's say they withdraw when they are into someone. Why is that? Are you afraid they will know? Insecure? Need time to think? Is there a point where you go from withdrawn to assertive or pursuing the relationship?

 

[mmhmm]

I have heard both ENFP's and ENFJ's say they withdraw when they are into someone. Why is that? Are you afraid they will know? Insecure? Need time to think? Is there a point where you go from withdrawn to assertive or pursuing the relationship?

if i really admire them, like... completely fascinated by them,
i become very, very casual. it'll be very hard for me to be silly
around them at first. sometimes going slow is just the best way.
need to come out in small dosages.

i'm more impulsive for stuff i can tell straight off the bat that it
is probably best for a short term thing.
won't miss it when i go away.

 

[animenagai]

I have heard both ENFP's and ENFJ's say they withdraw when they are into someone. Why is that? Are you afraid they will know? Insecure? Need time to think? Is there a point where you go from withdrawn to assertive or pursuing the relationship?

Because believe it or not, we're shy. We don't want to scare you away. The perfectionist in us doesn't want to miss the opportunity, but we don't want to scare you away either (something that can quite easily be achieved), so we get awkward .

 

[Thalassa]

is this universally true across the board? so far the thread seems extremely diffuse and inconsistent, but it makes sense because 7w6 and 7w8 enfps are so different, as are so/sx, sx/so, and so/sp subtypes. why does it go so easily? does it come back in the right situation?

There are actually not universal truths, and I know I can feel very different from Enneagram 7 ENFPs when it comes to relationships - this whole attitude "well you better catch the train before it goes" and "if I'm not feeling it I split" - seems to be more common with ENFPs who are 7s.

I noticed that there are two ENFP females on this board who are 4s who I relate to in that A) they are more intense or devoted with their feelings and B) tend to be the stereotypical ENFP female who naturally will intiate or pursue if she has interest.

I do actually relate to some of these people talking about being shy in the beginning or not wanting to mess things up, trying to plot things out more, but I tend to be pretty expressive of my feelings which is what I was half-jokingly getting at when I said an ENFP will stalk you when they're into you. I think ENFPs are one of the more obvious types, though many do not agree since they think ENFPs equally flirt with everyone.

I've even gotten this before in vent, "Marm, you flirt with everyone." It's weird, because I feel inside like it's so obvious who I'm really flirting with and who I'm just being friendly toward. At least it's not as bad as when I was in high school and totally oblivious to how my behavior affected others.

 

[the state i am in]

what is the risk of maintaining normal enfp silliness? when you are more invested or know, briefly, what you want, it's easier for the e1 side to start cutting you down if you make mistakes? that your e7 strategy of keeping many possibilities open and not getting too attached to any is starting to close or constrict, and within that smaller space, there is much more risk of getting stuck/trapped in something painful and surging up with repressed critical negative thoughts + emotions? especially as directed at the self?

 

[Lauren]

is this universally true across the board? so far the thread seems extremely diffuse and inconsistent, but it makes sense because 7w6 and 7w8 enfps are so different, as are so/sx, sx/so, and so/sp subtypes. why does it go so easily? does it come back in the right situation? do you have to process it in a way that rationalizes it away to make it disappear, or do you just pop up in a different place and the relevancy factor of the other situation is now so far away that it would take too long to make your way back to that story that it just doesn't seem feasible? like you have to swim against the current of experience to access the Fi case files and open them up again. is there a noticeable difference or distinction you make between people who would easily be tabled and disappear and those who do not disappear so easily?



what are tell-tale signs that show this? is there any consistency on the exterior surface in terms of behavior, strategy, fear response, reasons for avoidance, etc, or is it just up to the particular situation and the experiences each one of you has had to guess at what you enfps would do in the story given?

I don't go away easily at all, if it's someone I care for a great deal and I have a sixth sense that it's something very special. And, if the person has shown me that he feels the same way. I'm very patient with the process. If you find that you feel you're falling in love, the feelings can be disturbing because they are so intense. If I fall for someone, it's because I feel, strongly, that it's being recriprocated. If the person (this has only happened in one instance) has a girlfriend and they are showing a strong and unmistakable response to me, then I'll wait and see if the two of us decide we want each other and if it is as strong as I perceived it to be. The SPs I've known have been much more up front about pursuing me. A fellow NF or NT: much like me in that they express feelings nonverbally and are much more sensitive to possible rejection or verbal expression of feelings.

I trust my intuition when it comes to men who I feel very strongly about. I'm not one to just say: that's it, I'm done, unless the other person has shown extreme inconsistency and if they cross a certain line, which is for me, ridicule or disrespect. But I tend to like, very much, the men I fall in love with. I like them first. Friendship means a lot to me. And truth. I may love someone body and soul, but at heart, they are my friend. That's what, in the end, lasts.

 

[HotpinkHeatwave]

When someone is interested in me, I know almost immediately. I can just tell by the way they look at me, and the way they act. Their interest is genuine, and they kind of have a wide-eyed, curious, (maybe even deer-in-the-headlights) gaze. And if they're not admiring/showing interest quietly, it's rather obvious when they're flirting bluntly.

I'm really cocky with the people that i'm attracted to. I'll insult you playfully, or just have really witty comebacks. If you can be just as cocky and witty, you'll have me intrigued.

I think most ENFPs are really warm towards the people they like.. They might be openly affectionate, verbally and physically.

And if they make an effort to contact YOU and see YOU, that's a sign that they probably like you.. At least a little.

 

[Onceajoan]

The situation has become hyptothetical now as I've discovered today that she has a boyfriend ... arrghh.

My only hope is that she doesn't stay in the relationship long after it's died else I could be waiting a long time: although to be fair they looked happy together... oh well...

How about saying to her, "It's too bad you have a boyfriend... because I really wanted to ask you out. Oh well..."

I think that's an innocent enough of a comment - wanting to go out with her. You're not risking rejection because it's hypothetical. If she does break up with her boyfriend, she might keep you in mind.

 

[Lauren]

When someone is interested in me, I know almost immediately. I can just tell by the way they look at me, and the way they act. Their interest is genuine, and they kind of have a wide-eyed, curious, (maybe even deer-in-the-headlights) gaze. And if they're not admiring/showing interest quietly, it's rather obvious when they're flirting bluntly.

Absolutely. Same here. I can always tell. I usually become very quiet and awkward if I'm attracted to someone. I'll ask questions and listen generally. It puts me at ease. I'll also touch the person lightly or move into their body space. I also don't want to scare someone off, almost to the point where I think they can't tell that I'm really interested. But if I get a clear sign (touching, obvious looks), then I'll usually be brave enough to make a more definitive move, if they don't do so first.

I agree with Onceajoan that an innocent remark like that might be the way to go if you're interested in someone who has a girfriend/boyfriend. If they are showing interest in you, that may be a sign that the other relationship is not wholly satisfying to them.

 

[Rex]

Soo... how do i see the difference from a manipulation attemt? Last time i meet a ENFP i knew it quickly but that was spesial. I was already on Guard. She did touch me ligthly and asked quiestions. Big fat smile on her face.

I confirmed it. by observing that she did what i expected. she left for her table and friends and was sitting there smiling and staring at me. I smiled back, feeling good because i had foreseen it, took a big glass of water and left the bar.

She had a magical stare and she knew it.

 

[Thalassa]

Soo... how do i see the difference from a manipulation attemt? Last time i meet a ENFP i knew it quickly but that was spesial. I was already on Guard. She did touch me ligthly and asked quiestions. Big fat smile on her face.

I confirmed it. by observing that she did what i expected. she left for her table and friends and was sitting there smiling and staring at me. I smiled back, feeling good because i had foreseen it, took a big glass of water and left the bar.

She had a magical stare and she knew it.

This sounds paranoid. I'd doubt an ENFP would stare at you if she didn't like you. She might talk and giggle and be friendly, but not stare.

 

[Poki]

Just watch them and listen, its pretty obvious, not just in if they are interested, but in what ways and why.

 

[Rex]

This sounds paranoid. I'd doubt an ENFP would stare at you if she didn't like you. She might talk and giggle and be friendly, but not stare.

She did take the beer and left. And she did kinda end the conversation.

Poki post your MBTI result.

 

[Thalassa]

Sure your not biased because your a ENFP?

She did take the beer and left remember. And she did kinda end the conversation.

Poki post your MBTI result.

If she kept staring at you after she took the beer and left, though, then she probably expected you to pursue her, then.

If she was just using you for a drink I don't know why she would stare at you even after she got what she wanted.

I try to be objective, because I like INTJs (and wished to god they came with a manual, thank god for INTJforum, but it's too little, and probably too late) and I'm sure some women are bitches who are using you for beer.

I'm just saying in my experience I don't stare at men I've manipulated to other ends.

 

[Rex]

If she kept staring at you after she took the beer and left, though, then she probably expected you to pursue her, then.

If she was just using you for a drink I don't know why she would stare at you even after she got what she wanted.

That is a possibility.

Next time will tell as im pretty sure i will see her again.

 

[skylights]

duck duck goose.

if you're attentive, you can tell by my voice...