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  1. #51
    Senior Member ed111's Avatar
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    The situation has become hyptothetical now as I've discovered today that she has a boyfriend ... arrghh.

    My only hope is that she doesn't stay in the relationship long after it's died else I could be waiting a long time: although to be fair they looked happy together... oh well...

  2. #52
    Senior Member Angry Ayrab's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ed111 View Post
    The situation has become hyptothetical now as I've discovered today that she has a boyfriend ... arrghh.

    My only hope is that she doesn't stay in the relationship long after it's died else I could be waiting a long time: although to be fair they looked happy together... oh well...
    Ouch, sorry to hear that bro.

    Good luck with it, and don't forget rule #1 in the gentleman's guide to finding a good girl: Thou shalt do thine own research before pursuing.

    Personally, I recommend you skip that and follow rule #1 of the players guide: Tap it any way you find it dog...

    just kidding.

    You know, asking her if a rag smells like chloroform to her is usually a sure fire pick up line.


    I kid I kid. I am just trying to cheer you up.

  3. #53
    Senior Member Maabus1999's Avatar
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    From my experience. Some are shy. Some are forward.

    To my male friend, in the end it is going to be how much of a challenge you are to her world. In fact this applies to almost all women.

    Ironically, this is very hard for guys to apply. I still make mistakes that can drive a girls interest down related to this. Best is to live and learn, and try...and yes as an INTJ I can relate how hard that can be with the calculating.

    Actually I could go into this for some time, but I don't want to derail the thread. However the last time I tried opening up to an ENFP, even though she wanted to get through my wall (basically told it to me directly to drop the wall), her interest level apparently crashed...big time. I have been "consoled" when I do my head scratching later that she may have been immature or in a bad "manipulative" state by other older ENFP's but yeah, she basically proved to me that ENFP's can be just like every other women and some are not as "tolerant" or "different" then others when it comes to the whole "challenge" argument.

    I would just approach it geniunely how you feel but keep her a distance (i.e. dont rush into it fast or you may burn through it too fast) by not seeing her all the time for awhile(maybe a date every 7-10 days, avoid her by being busy after that. Even if you have to reorganize your sock drawer!) . You will know quickly know if she is interested in you (because she will slowly be coming after you since you are staying a far) or not by pulling back. I know some will disagree with me here though

  4. #54
    Senior Member ed111's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angry Ayrab View Post
    Ouch, sorry to hear that bro.

    Good luck with it, and don't forget rule #1 in the gentleman's guide to finding a good girl: Thou shalt do thine own research before pursuing.

    Personally, I recommend you skip that and follow rule #1 of the players guide: Tap it any way you find it dog...

    just kidding.

    You know, asking her if a rag smells like chloroform to her is usually a sure fire pick up line.


    I kid I kid. I am just trying to cheer you up.

    I will be tapping it any way I find it hehe . Now I've seen the guy I don't feel so bad: he's not a stud muffin and I'm sure he can't be as smart as me? Is that possible? [joke]. On a more modest note he's probably a lot more charming and charismatic than an INTJ fellow could ever dream of being.

    I'm glad I found out she had a boyfriend before I made a move on her: that would have been a disaster.

    By the way, I made a decision this morning based on the roll of a dice: e.g. should I make a move. I gave myself a number of options and rolled a 1: do nothing. I rolled again to make sure: 1 again. FATE!

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maabus1999 View Post
    From my experience. Some are shy. Some are forward.

    To my male friend, in the end it is going to be how much of a challenge you are to her world. In fact this applies to almost all women.

    Ironically, this is very hard for guys to apply. I still make mistakes that can drive a girls interest down related to this. Best is to live and learn, and try...and yes as an INTJ I can relate how hard that can be with the calculating.

    Actually I could go into this for some time, but I don't want to derail the thread. However the last time I tried opening up to an ENFP, even though she wanted to get through my wall (basically told it to me directly to drop the wall), her interest level apparently crashed...big time. I have been "consoled" when I do my head scratching later that she may have been immature or in a bad "manipulative" state by other older ENFP's but yeah, she basically proved to me that ENFP's can be just like every other women and some are not as "tolerant" or "different" then others when it comes to the whole "challenge" argument.

    I would just approach it geniunely how you feel but keep her a distance (i.e. dont rush into it fast or you may burn through it too fast) by not seeing her all the time for awhile(maybe a date every 7-10 days, avoid her by being busy after that. Even if you have to reorganize your sock drawer!) . You will know quickly know if she is interested in you (because she will slowly be coming after you since you are staying a far) or not by pulling back. I know some will disagree with me here though
    Its funny, I've never actually bought into the "challenge" theory. It seems to me that women respond much more favorably to confidence and humor than to anything else. But, hey, whatever works right.

    Quote Originally Posted by ed111 View Post
    On a more modest note he's probably a lot more charming and charismatic than an INTJ fellow could ever dream of being.
    Why would you ever think that?! Haven't you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Prime example right there.

  6. #56
    Senior Member Maabus1999's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neo Genesis View Post
    Its funny, I've never actually bought into the "challenge" theory. It seems to me that women respond much more favorably to confidence and humor than to anything else. But, hey, whatever works right.



    Why would you ever think that?! Haven't you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Prime example right there.
    There are three principles for a guy to maintain with a girl (plus keeping yourself in shape never hurts for the "first" impression):

    confidence
    self control
    challenge

    If I were to psychoanalyze myself: confidence post first meeting no problem, self control is no problem except in a few cases where something gets under my skin (and I become more INFJ like suddenly too), and third challenge, gotta keep practicing as I can preach and coach it very well with others, but the Se part makes it a failure at times. Booo at self traits!

  7. #57
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    You should try try socializing. I hear it improves social skills.

    /asshole

  8. #58
    Senior Member ed111's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maabus1999 View Post
    There are three principles for a guy to maintain with a girl (plus keeping yourself in shape never hurts for the "first" impression):

    confidence
    self control
    challenge

    If I were to psychoanalyze myself: confidence post first meeting no problem, self control is no problem except in a few cases where something gets under my skin (and I become more INFJ like suddenly too), and third challenge, gotta keep practicing as I can preach and coach it very well with others, but the Se part makes it a failure at times. Booo at self traits!
    Confidence is not an issue with me. I know exactly who I am and what I'm capable of. I have to be careful to restrain my confidence, to ensure that I tone down my statements. There is a quote I very much like from a UK TV show called Holby city (a hospital drama) in which the head surgeon states, "there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance: a line I walk every day". I feel that way too.

    I like to show emotion, but only occasionally in flashes. Other than that I do typically have a very stern expression on my face. I have been described in the past as looking like I want to kill someone, and was constantly told to 'cheer up' in my youth. The comedian Bill Hicks summed this up:

    To Bill: "Hey buddy, you know it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile?"
    Bill: "Oh yeah? Well, you know, it takes more energy to say that than it does to leave me alone. So why don't you go away, so I can really start fuckin' smiling?"

    Challenge? As in challenge ideas and the status-quo? Question opinions, theories, beliefs. Again, this is something I have to restrain as it can tend to annoy people.

  9. #59
    Senior Member Maabus1999's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ed111 View Post
    Confidence is not an issue with me. I know exactly who I am and what I'm capable of. I have to be careful to restrain my confidence, to ensure that I tone down my statements. There is a quote I very much like from a UK TV show called Holby city (a hospital drama) in which the head surgeon states, "there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance: a line I walk every day". I feel that way too.

    I like to show emotion, but only occasionally in flashes. Other than that I do typically have a very stern expression on my face. I have been described in the past as looking like I want to kill someone, and was constantly told to 'cheer up' in my youth. The comedian Bill Hicks summed this up:

    To Bill: "Hey buddy, you know it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile?"
    Bill: "Oh yeah? Well, you know, it takes more energy to say that than it does to leave me alone. So why don't you go away, so I can really start fuckin' smiling?"

    Challenge? As in challenge ideas and the status-quo? Question opinions, theories, beliefs. Again, this is something I have to restrain as it can tend to annoy people.
    Dont mistake INTJ arrogant confidence for the same confidence women look at...it will trap you.

    For self control, do you have jealousy or aggressive over tone towards other guys if they hit on a girl you like?

    Challenge...HA! We have a lot to discuss young ed111 san. Think of the "game" guys and girls play in relationship building, and past the immaturities of it, you'll see some hints on what challenge is.

  10. #60
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    I don't know about other female ENFPs, I didn't read the previous messages. When I like a guy, I tend to:

    1. Get coy. Smile a lot, blush, but shy away and walk the other direction.

    2. Be in denial if a guy likes me. I play it off. Other times, I'm pretty aloof/really don't try to think much about it, because in my experiences, guys who really like a girl will flat out say it/do the chasing.

    3. Not act like myself around him. I find that the more I like a guy, the more self-aware I tend to be, which isn't good. That's why I tend to be more comfy around guys I don't like and have no worries about being totally care-free/myself around them.

    If I don't like a guy, I find that I'm extra friendly, extra playful, cheery and completely 'Me' around them. I feel more at ease, which isn't too good, because it sends an unintented vibes that get misinterpreted. If I like a guy, it's a different story. It's puzzling.

    If there's suspicion she's into you, test the waters a bit. Do a little playful teasing. See how she reacts. If she's feeling it, then she'll at least smile. If she's not feeling it, she'll show slight dissonance by her unresponsiveness. That's how I work. G'Luck! ;D

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