[ENFP] ENFP's and Social Anxiety/Shyness...

[soleil]

This thread is great. I've always had a hard time deciding if I'm an extrovert or an introvert. The ENFP descriptions always suited me spot on (while the I ones did not), that's the main reason I sticked with it, but I've always had that sort of social anxiety in some settings (mostly in environments where I don't really know many people intimately) and have needed time by myself regularly, to recharge. That ebb and flow theory of ENFPs energy is so perfectly right. I feel that all the time, I can't sustain my tremendous, legendary enthusiasm for large periods.

I'm the same as you. I can have really bad social anxiety, really bad (moderate to severe). ENFP's are the most introverted extroverts so, that could be why. I definitely need a lot of space to myself. Why do people see ENFP's as these people that are super hyper & have to chat away 24/7? I really don't like how ENFP's are profiled by people sometimes.

 

[Synarch]

Wait, I thought ENTP's were the most introverted extraverts?

 

[VanillaCat]

Nope.

 

[Clownmaster]

I'm severely extraverted. I may have a day or two spree of sitting in my house doing nothing, but thats after weeks of constant socializing and being in the spotlight.

 

[Lady_X]

i have my moments too...it has to do with the people in the room usually...sometimes i just get a vibe from them that tells we have nothing to talk about...or maybe it's just an odd mood?? usually i feel inappropriately comfortable with people and treat them as if i've known them for awhile....both are strange...whataya gonna do.

 

[Lady_X]

i relate 100%. ive said this on another thread (i forget how) but it is intuitive-in-a-sensor-environment-syndrome

wow...what a great way to put it!

i feel that way sometimes in places that are out of my element...i can pretend to be at ease and be friendly enough but i definitely feel the void...the lack of energy or connection....that's interesting.

ETA: haha...i had no idea i already replied to this topic!! and it's just ^^ up there.

 

[chatoyer]

i have my moments too...it has to do with the people in the room usually...sometimes i just get a vibe from them that tells we have nothing to talk about...or maybe it's just an odd mood?? usually i feel inappropriately comfortable with people and treat them as if i've known them for awhile....both are strange...whataya gonna do.

Yes! I agree, but for me I wouldn't call it social anxiety, it's more like a moment of painful self-consciousness, when I feel like I've been put on the spot in a social situation & I may feel judged or just uncomfortable revealing myself in a certain way in front of more than one person.

I think it's connected to an ENFP thing where I'm much more comfortable being in the interviewer mode, rather than revealing myself. Although it doesn't make sense-- because when someone is opening up to me, I usually like them more, even if they are talking about their flaws (it helps me understand them better, makes them more complex), but if my flaws come out, I worry that it will make me less appealing and less accepted by the person.

 

[Lady_X]

^^ oohh...right...yeah...i think i like to be the one asking the questions too! how's that work if the person you want to talk to doesn't like talking...hmm...that could be a problem huh...cuz...i don't like to yammer on about myself...i like to talk about ideas or concepts...or topics that i'm interested in...but not me...you know?

 

[JocktheMotie]

^^ oohh...right...yeah...i think i like to be the one asking the questions too! how's that work if the person you want to talk to doesn't like talking...hmm...that could be a problem huh...cuz...i don't like to yammer on about myself...i like to talk about ideas or concepts...or topics that i'm interested in...but not me...you know?

Oh no...I try to get someone talking as much about themselves as I possibly can. This phase I'm just feeding on information and lining up some talking points. If you don't talk about yourself a lot at first I'm lost...

 

[chatoyer]

^^ oohh...right...yeah...i think i like to be the one asking the questions too! how's that work if the person you want to talk to doesn't like talking...hmm...that could be a problem huh...cuz...i don't like to yammer on about myself...i like to talk about ideas or concepts...or topics that i'm interested in...but not me...you know?

Yeah, I think that's when the awkwardness and self-consciousness sets in, when you're trying to make a connection with someone, & they're not interested in the topic, or they're not holding up their end of the conversation and the ENFP keeps trying to make a connection, & it might go into personal territory, and you feel like "oh, no, I'm coming off this way, they think I'm so weird (or some other criticism)" and then it feels unnatural and you want to get out of the conversation to protect yourself.

If the connection is good and easy, I'm distracted from the self-consciousness, and I can talk about myself, & that's when I think ENFPs are at their best because it's natural and easy and spontaneous, not hampered by that judgment (we may only imagine!) and self-consciousness.

 

[Lady_X]

yeah!! totally...and...it's only if i really like them too i think...because i don't always care if i come off weird...i don't think?? maybe i do...shit i don't know!! haha

but you're right...there are times...or certain people that i do feel...safe..(is that the right word??) to be open with and then that's fine...i'll do the back and forth..and open up...but i think i have to be pretty certain they will relate and accept...cuz yeah i guess a fear of being judged or something....interesting...love how other enfp's make me realize stuff! pretty cool!

 

[LeonardoLestat]

Was wondering if other ENFP's experience this? The thing with me is if I'm comfortable around my environment then all that shyness and anxiety is out the window, but if the energy isn't flowing I become extremely introverted and uncomfortable. It's weird because I would say I'm 50/50 in the extroversion/introversion department. The ENFP description suits me 100%, but I tend to become anxious in certain social settings.

I have that too. Anyone in his right mind I think does.

But when extroverts are comfortable, they easily get hyper. And when they're uncomfortable, it's just a matter of time before an 'explosion of energy' happens -- in any way.

 

[Soar337]

Yes. (Even though I'm an I, I can be an E. I actually like being an E but sometimes my shyness stops me. I'm actually overcoming it now, I tested as 45% I the other day )

 

[Liquid and Flammable]

Even though I get +50% E in the test, I experienced the same.

I think, it's an Ne-property. If there are some negative experiences, Ne warns early (and often wrong), when it could happen again. so there's much carefulness.

 

[ergophobe]

Also, I can't stand when I'm mellow and more to myself and people think something is wrong. :steam:. I don't like to play the "life of the party" role all the time. A co-worker told me "You have to be consistent, you can't be talkative one day and be quiet and to yourself the next...you confuse people!". WTH!

I identify. Our contradictions make so much sense to us but it's often difficult to explain the different sides to other people. It confuses them. Older friends and family know it's best to leave me be when I need to close the door and mix their enthusiasm with mine when the extrovert emerges.

I love being social with others and meeting new people, but without fail, I'll feel anticipation for the upcoming event, and it'll make me feel keyed up or a bit anxious. Even if I'm going to meet friends I've known all of my life. I can't seem to suppress the anticipation of the meeting. And it makes me physically uncomfortable - I always feel a hundred times better once we've already gotten to our event and have had time to start talking.

It always feels better once the conversation starts and then I forget the shyness/anxiety altogether.

Yes! I agree, but for me I wouldn't call it social anxiety, it's more like a moment of painful self-consciousness, when I feel like I've been put on the spot in a social situation & I may feel judged or just uncomfortable revealing myself in a certain way in front of more than one person.

I think it's connected to an ENFP thing where I'm much more comfortable being in the interviewer mode, rather than revealing myself. Although it doesn't make sense-- because when someone is opening up to me, I usually like them more, even if they are talking about their flaws (it helps me understand them better, makes them more complex), but if my flaws come out, I worry that it will make me less appealing and less accepted by the person.

 

[Cenomite]

Was wondering if other ENFP's experience this? The thing with me is if I'm comfortable around my environment then all that shyness and anxiety is out the window, but if the energy isn't flowing I become extremely introverted and uncomfortable. It's weird because I would say I'm 50/50 in the extroversion/introversion department. The ENFP description suits me 100%, but I tend to become anxious in certain social settings.

I've tested pretty low on E before, and I can relate to this a lot. People in most of my classes probably think that I'm very introverted because the environment is really is awkward and tense, and I feel uncomfortable. Same with various other situations. If I can find even one or two people who I get a good vibe from, then I'll all of a sudden be off-the-walls attention whore mode GO.

I'm guessing it's not just an ENP thing, but more of a human trait . I can't imagine most people are more outgoing in situations that they don't like.

 

[Snuggletron]

my ENFP friend has social anxiety disorder. He went for treatment for it but still occasionally gets mild panic attacks in big crowds/lots of confusion. Social anxiety doesn't care if you're an I or an E, although more introverts seem to display symptoms for obvious reasons. I've never been diagnosed and I am not self-diagnosing but I've always seemed to become anxious in certain social situations, more so than my peers, but I try and hide it by avoiding events that could trigger my anxiety. I think that is the thing for a lot of extroverts with social anxiety. They learn that participating in certain social environments makes them uneasy so they avoid them, believing they are introverts instead because they are 'shy'.

 

[Gin-raine]

I never have any problem with being shy, I'm not usually off-the-walls crazy though. I often go into 'buisness mode' where I'm all about getting things done or having fun, which ever one suits the atmosphere best.
The only time I seem to zip it and remain quiet for awhile is around my mother for the usual 'she wouldn't like a thing I'd have to say' reason.

 

[Dailtone]

I dont have any problems with social anxiety now, but when I was a teen I would get tingly palms and hyperventilate before meeting people who I really, REALLY wanted to like me.

Naturally I would go somewhere private first to gain some composure.