[ENFP] ENFP's and Social Anxiety/Shyness...

[Rachelinpa]

i relate 100%. ive said this on another thread (i forget how) but it is intuitive-in-a-sensor-environment-syndrome

Me too!

Also, I can't stand when I'm mellow and more to myself and people think something is wrong. . I don't like to play the "life of the party" role all the time. A co-worker told me "You have to be consistent, you can't be talkative one day and be quiet and to yourself the next...you confuse people!".

Me too!

 

[soleil]

Me too. It's so strong. It's like my spirit doesn't take their spirit.

I can relate. My E is slightly higher than my I. If the vibes aren't good I tend to leave the situation.

 

[VanillaCat]

Also, I can't stand when I'm mellow and more to myself and people think something is wrong. :steam:. I don't like to play the "life of the party" role all the time. A co-worker told me "You have to be consistent, you can't be talkative one day and be quiet and to yourself the next...you confuse people!". WTH!

My mom says that to me all the time.

 

[nomadic]

It literally brings my spirit down. My extroversion/introversion is slightly higher than yours (60% Extroversion, 40% Introversion). It depends on where my mind is at, at times I think I'm 60% Introverted, lol. Positive energy is so important to me. It brings out the real me. Does that make sense?

Yeah, of course that totally makes sense.

I think it helps having people around who really know you, so you can be yourself when you meet new people too....

But yeah, when people's spirits bring me down... if they do it the wrong way, in a really bad way, i start getting restless and want to beat them up. lolz

sometimes i start thinking they're cracked out and not human. but really, they're sober. its weird!

 

[LadyJaye]

A lot of people don't understand that ENFP energy comes in arching patterns, like ebb and flow. Anyone who has a steady line of energy, say an ENTJ or an ESTJ, would say something like that to you. I've had more than a few people ask me if I was sick, or angry with them because I had been socializing and then eventually went into a low ebb. I can't sustain the energy.

I love being social with others and meeting new people, but without fail, I'll feel anticipation for the upcoming event, and it'll make me feel keyed up or a bit anxious. Even if I'm going to meet friends I've known all of my life. I can't seem to suppress the anticipation of the meeting. And it makes me physically uncomfortable - I always feel a hundred times better once we've already gotten to our event and have had time to start talking.

 

[IEE623]

auxiliary Fi is the answer for all those just-cant-seem-to-be-explained's

 

[soleil]

I often get ticked off! I think I could snap a few necks!!! I question people a lot. Are they for real? I get palpatiations all over, lol. I sometimes have to go for a walk or run some cold water, hehe. I think people are too insensitive, but lawd if you say something wrong to them they are quick to scream, shout, taking off their jewelry! Wooo.

Yeah, of course that totally makes sense.

I think it helps having people around who really know you, so you can be yourself when you meet new people too....

But yeah, when people's spirits bring me down... if they do it the wrong way, in a really bad way, i start getting restless and want to beat them up. lolz

sometimes i start thinking they're cracked out and not human. but really, they're sober. its weird!

 

[kyuuei]

(and yes, I just ranted about this in my blog. >.o) I can have social anxiety. It isn't really due to my E or I side of myself, but through other influences in my life.. but I tend to end up with a 50/50 chance that I'll read one statement one way.. then entirely different the next. For example, you'll catch me doing this about half the time.:

Me: <ring ing.>
Person: Hello?
Me: Hey! Where are ya'll at?!
Person: So-and-so's playing rock band!
(INSERT CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE NOVEL HERE!)
Me on page 2: Rockin! I love that game, can I come?!
Person: Sure!

Me on page 3: (Hmm.. there was no invitation in that sentence! Maybe they don't want me to go?! Surely they would have said something..)
Person: Hello?
Me: (Well if I just say something that might be rude.. what if they didn't want me there? Are they trying to drop a hint? I'm terrible at guessing games!)
Person: Heeeelllloo?
Me: Oh! Yeah. Okay, that's cool.

Me on page 4: (Hmm. No invitation?) Oh! Well that's cool! Ya'll having fun?
Person: (usually) Yeah!
Me: (Still no invite!?) Well that rocks! That games pretty hard.
Person: I know it. Blahblahblah. You know you can just come over.
Me: Oh! right!

 

[soleil]

That is true for me too. If I have to meet up with people I've known for years, I get very overwhelmed. My mind wanders and I imagine how it'll be, visual the setting, etc. My brain starts overworking and I get anxious. I've cancelled meet-ups because of this.

On a side note...I was wondering if people put pressure on you to maintain a conversation? When I keep my answers brief, there is a long awkward silence. Then I have to keep it moving. Then they talk. I usually stay quiet on purpose just to see if they'll talk. Now, I just talk for them because I can't bear that moment of silence. At the end, they thank me for the great conversation and I think to myself "what conversation it was me doing all the talking and probing!!". I guess it has more to do with the fact I mostly know S's and people I don't have much in common with. I feel very disappointed. I want to engage in a conversation not do all the talking. I only met one ENFP who was a professor. He was amazing, very creative, and could talk about anything with anyone!

A lot of people don't understand that ENFP energy comes in arching patterns, like ebb and flow. Anyone who has a steady line of energy, say an ENTJ or an ESTJ, would say something like that to you. I've had more than a few people ask me if I was sick, or angry with them because I had been socializing and then eventually went into a low ebb. I can't sustain the energy.

I love being social with others and meeting new people, but without fail, I'll feel anticipation for the upcoming event, and it'll make me feel keyed up or a bit anxious. Even if I'm going to meet friends I've known all of my life. I can't seem to suppress the anticipation of the meeting. And it makes me physically uncomfortable - I always feel a hundred times better once we've already gotten to our event and have had time to start talking.

 

[soleil]

. That is so me! I have to be directly invited or else I feel like I'm not welcome. I don't know what it is, but I never tag along unless I am asked. You aren't alone on that one!

(and yes, I just ranted about this in my blog. >.o) I can have social anxiety. It isn't really due to my E or I side of myself, but through other influences in my life.. but I tend to end up with a 50/50 chance that I'll read one statement one way.. then entirely different the next. For example, you'll catch me doing this about half the time.:

Me: <ring ing.>
Person: Hello?
Me: Hey! Where are ya'll at?!
Person: So-and-so's playing rock band!
(INSERT CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE NOVEL HERE!)
Me on page 2: Rockin! I love that game, can I come?!
Person: Sure!

Me on page 3: (Hmm.. there was no invitation in that sentence! Maybe they don't want me to go?! Surely they would have said something..)
Person: Hello?
Me: (Well if I just say something that might be rude.. what if they didn't want me there? Are they trying to drop a hint? I'm terrible at guessing games!)
Person: Heeeelllloo?
Me: Oh! Yeah. Okay, that's cool.

Me on page 4: (Hmm. No invitation?) Oh! Well that's cool! Ya'll having fun?
Person: (usually) Yeah!
Me: (Still no invite!?) Well that rocks! That games pretty hard.
Person: I know it. Blahblahblah. You know you can just come over.
Me: Oh! right!

 

[Lizzy1813]

Me: <ring ing.>
Person: Hello?
Me: Hey! Where are ya'll at?!
Person: So-and-so's playing rock band!
(INSERT CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE NOVEL HERE!)
Me on page 2: Rockin! I love that game, can I come?!
Person: Sure!

Me on page 3: (Hmm.. there was no invitation in that sentence! Maybe they don't want me to go?! Surely they would have said something..)
Person: Hello?
Me: (Well if I just say something that might be rude.. what if they didn't want me there? Are they trying to drop a hint? I'm terrible at guessing games!)
Person: Heeeelllloo?
Me: Oh! Yeah. Okay, that's cool.

Me on page 4: (Hmm. No invitation?) Oh! Well that's cool! Ya'll having fun?
Person: (usually) Yeah!
Me: (Still no invite!?) Well that rocks! That games pretty hard.
Person: I know it. Blahblahblah. You know you can just come over.
Me: Oh! right!

And for me:

Me on page 5: (Hmm. No invitation. Does that mean they are angry with me? Did I do something yesterday to get them all upset? I don't think
I did anything...though I think I might have been a little emphatic about relating my choking-on-a-grape story. Maybe that was a bit too gross for them. Maybe they think I'm too wierd now. They've decided to let me go--this game thing is just the beginning. *Inward moan as thoughts continue to spiral*)
Person: HELLOOOOO??
Me: Oh! Sorry, I was lost there for a second, what did you say?
Person: I said: you wanna come over?
Me: Oh! Yeah! Great!!!

 

[nomadic]

I often get ticked off! I think I could snap a few necks!!! I question people a lot. Are they for real? I get palpatiations all over, lol. I sometimes have to go for a walk or run some cold water, hehe. I think people are too insensitive, but lawd if you say something wrong to them they are quick to scream, shout, taking off their jewelry! Wooo.

yeah, i usually like.... crack my knuckles pretty obviously and stare at them in the eyes if they are really rude or give off some arsehole vibe. i guess it helped that i was on the boxing team in college...

this happens to me a lot less after i moved back to la tho...

 

[PinkIceTD]

Yeah I'm around 68% Extroverted, but I def feel uncomfortable in certain social situations. I think I read somewhere that ENFPs are the most introverted of the extroverted types. I can see how that is true

 

[PinkIceTD]

Yeah me too, I must be invited. But sometimes even when I'm invited I dont go, even if I really want to...

 

[kyuuei]

And for me:

Me on page 5: (Hmm. No invitation. Does that mean they are angry with me? Did I do something yesterday to get them all upset? I don't think
I did anything...though I think I might have been a little emphatic about relating my choking-on-a-grape story. Maybe that was a bit too gross for them. Maybe they think I'm too wierd now. They've decided to let me go--this game thing is just the beginning. *Inward moan as thoughts continue to spiral*)
Person: HELLOOOOO??
Me: Oh! Sorry, I was lost there for a second, what did you say?
Person: I said: you wanna come over?
Me: Oh! Yeah! Great!!!

Omg! I don't know how I missed that one XD I've definitely had that conversation before.

 

[Twixt]

Haha i totally get this too. Sometimes i'm not even sure if I'm an ENFP, or more of an INFP? My E percentage is only a litttle higher than my I percentage.

I think i get that 'intuitive-in-a-sensor environment' thing. And I DEFINITELY get those worries about INVITATIONS (ahh the agony!)

Like, i always worry if im imposing on others, forcing my company on them when they didn't EXPLICITLY say they wanted me there. Or even if they DID, how can i be sure they really meant it? Maybe they just invited me to seem polite, or because it was the socially acceptable thing to do, or...? Okay i know im probably not making any sense at all.

I don't know, is this like mild paranoia or something? Is it just me or do other ENFPs get this feeling of extreme uncertainty and discomfort?

I think this has something to do with ENFPs being very affirming creatures... We need LOTS of concrete affirmation as well??

 

[Hexis]

My E has scored 100% the past three times ive tested and i do have the same problem you have. Its really weird, depending on my mood, whos there, what the conversation is about and where we're at. If all is just right, which happens way too often for my comfort, i get really secluded and isolate myself. But its not really being shy its like i just dont want to be noticed while i take in my oponion of said new people, conversation or uncomfortable enviroment. Its like im trying to get my bearings.

 

[niffer]

Haha I always test to almost 100% on Extraversion, so I can only relate to this a little bit. I only really have these feelings when I'm a noob at something and everyone else is pro...yeah these are more just incompetence-related.

 

[Twixt]

i get really secluded and isolate myself. But its not really being shy its like i just dont want to be noticed while i take in my oponion of said new people, conversation or uncomfortable enviroment. Its like im trying to get my bearings.

That's me, all right. Because im taking in so much info from my surroundings, the people and the conversations and the ideas and everything, its like i have to sift through them all and think through them all before i can actually say anything. so i guess that makes me seem introverted and quiet. i need to get a feel of the situation before i add to it.

 

[jurma]

This thread is great. I've always had a hard time deciding if I'm an extrovert or an introvert. The ENFP descriptions always suited me spot on (while the I ones did not), that's the main reason I sticked with it, but I've always had that sort of social anxiety in some settings (mostly in environments where I don't really know many people intimately) and have needed time by myself regularly, to recharge. That ebb and flow theory of ENFPs energy is so perfectly right. I feel that all the time, I can't sustain my tremendous, legendary enthusiasm for large periods.