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  1. #1
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    Default How to get back an ENFP

    Is it possible to get an ENFP back after you've both been hurt? What happened with this ENFP was that I fell in love with him, he led me on, then everything went wrong and we were both left in pain. But I love him so much that I would like to have him in my life even as a friend. I really care about him even though he hurt me a lot. And I want the best for him.
    I'm thinking of writing a heartfelt letter and give it to him. We are not talking right now. And it's been a few months. Would he want to talk to me again? Or is it done forever?

  2. #2
    Junior Member Brujx's Avatar
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    Hard to say.. we forgive but dont forget, many people returned to my life saying "sorry" after months, and remained as friends (thats why im friend with most of my ex's). The letter is good idea, but first you need to be determine on your goals, you want to be back as a couple, or a friend?, its better if you tell him the truth, what your expectations are.. The only reason to stop talking to a person forever! is that the thing they did is huge.. againts all our believes.. - You dont give too much information, but definetly the letter is a good tool. Thou again, be specific with what you want. Best of lucks
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  3. #3
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by strangecat View Post
    Is it possible to get an ENFP back after you've both been hurt? What happened with this ENFP was that I fell in love with him, he led me on, then everything went wrong and we were both left in pain. But I love him so much that I would like to have him in my life even as a friend. I really care about him even though he hurt me a lot. And I want the best for him.
    I'm thinking of writing a heartfelt letter and give it to him. We are not talking right now. And it's been a few months. Would he want to talk to me again? Or is it done forever?
    I think ENFPs - when they are done with another person and if it was a bad experience - they don't want to interact with you anymore. Not saying that was your situation. I have seen them have very long and close friendships with people. There always seem to be new people coming into their life though and they form friends quickly and then move onto new ones, etc.

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  4. #4
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    @Brujx
    He was my vocal coach, much older, he started getting very personal with me, wanted to know everything about me, we became close, talked on the phone late at night for hours, didn't work in vocal lessons anymore because we were talking about life. He flirted with me, gave me his watch because it matches my hair color. I always told him to not call or write if he doesn't want to but he always did. And if I was putting the walls up or backing away he would always do something to pull me back in. He didn't let me go but always kept me hanging. When I would hint that I need to know what's up or if I would basically beg him to just say something so it ends, he wouldn't. He would always be like "no, no, no..." and then say many nice things. Tell me he likes talking with me and be near me, I'm nice etc. I just wanted him to tell me if he didn't like me romantically and I was asking why was he acting the way he did. And he often replied in a filratious voice as well. When the time came to perform, I wasn't ready for obvious reasons. He stopped talking to me. I felt so guilty and apologized many times. I guess for falling in love? I realize now that it wasn't completely my fault but he made me feel that way and he let me take whole responsibility.

    If he doesn't like me more than a person, I would like to be friends with him because I like him as a person as well. If he does like me more then I would like to get to know him better.
    Last edited by strangecat; 11-12-2017 at 06:44 PM. Reason: Brujx

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I think ENFPs - when they are done with another person and if it was a bad experience - they don't want to interact with you anymore. Not saying that was your situation. I have seen them have very long and close friendships with people. There always seem to be new people coming into their life though and they form friends quickly and then move onto new ones, etc.
    Yeah I don't think I did something THAT bad. I fell in love? How can you punish somebody for that?
    I know that they make friends quickly. It sucks if you're not important. I'm just thinking.. if you were once important, does it go away that quickly?

  6. #6
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by strangecat View Post
    Yeah I don't think I did something THAT bad. I fell in love? How can you punish somebody for that?
    I know that they make friends quickly. It sucks if you're not important. I'm just thinking.. if you were once important, does it go away that quickly?
    They seem to have an uncanny ability to move forward in this way without a lot of thinking about the past. I think they can be very loyal in terms of friendships. In intimate relationships, if the thing is over it seems like it can be very difficult for them but then they move on.

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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    They seem to have an uncanny ability to move forward in this way without a lot of thinking about the past. I think they can be very loyal in terms of friendships. In intimate relationships, if the thing is over it seems like it can be very difficult for them but then they move on.
    Well we did have a friendship. We were never together. So could a friendship work? That's what I'm wondering

  8. #8
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
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    I feel like you need to read what you're actually writing. You seem to be apologetic about being treated poorly by him. Despite that, you're willing to just be friends because you think it's better than nothing and you'd rather have some relationship with him even if it doesn't go well for you. Sounds like you would be better off just completely moving on because he probably will and/or already has.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  9. #9
    Don't touch me. Peter Deadpan's Avatar
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    I think you are probably just experiencing the incredible pain that comes with heartbreak. I know you think having him around will be good for you, that it will ease this pain, but it won't. No matter how you spin it, things are not going to go back to how they were. I know it's super hard, but I would recommend that you just walk away and do your best to delete him from your life. By all means, hang on to some of the better memories, but don't romanticize them - catch yourself when you are doing this and remind yourself of 2 bad times so that you don't lose hold of reality.

    I've been there, I wish you the best.
    dead·pan
    /ˈded,pan/
    adjective: deliberately impassive or expressionless.

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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  10. #10
    Sweet Summer Child yama's Avatar
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    Unfortunately you can't make someone talk to you if they don't want to talk to you. Communication is a 2 way street and no matter how badly you want them to be a part of your life, if they decide they're not going to be, then there's nothing you can do because that decision is on them. Better to just find what closure you can and move on.
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