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[ENFP] How to get back an ENFP

strangecat

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Mar 24, 2017
Messages
26
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infp
Is it possible to get an ENFP back after you've both been hurt? What happened with this ENFP was that I fell in love with him, he led me on, then everything went wrong and we were both left in pain. But I love him so much that I would like to have him in my life even as a friend. I really care about him even though he hurt me a lot. And I want the best for him.
I'm thinking of writing a heartfelt letter and give it to him. We are not talking right now. And it's been a few months. Would he want to talk to me again? Or is it done forever?
 

Brujx

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Oct 25, 2017
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9
MBTI Type
ENFP
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2w1
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Hard to say.. we forgive but dont forget, many people returned to my life saying "sorry" after months, and remained as friends (thats why im friend with most of my ex's). The letter is good idea, but first you need to be determine on your goals, you want to be back as a couple, or a friend?, its better if you tell him the truth, what your expectations are.. The only reason to stop talking to a person forever! is that the thing they did is huge.. againts all our believes.. - You dont give too much information, but definetly the letter is a good tool. Thou again, be specific with what you want. Best of lucks :)
 

highlander

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Is it possible to get an ENFP back after you've both been hurt? What happened with this ENFP was that I fell in love with him, he led me on, then everything went wrong and we were both left in pain. But I love him so much that I would like to have him in my life even as a friend. I really care about him even though he hurt me a lot. And I want the best for him.
I'm thinking of writing a heartfelt letter and give it to him. We are not talking right now. And it's been a few months. Would he want to talk to me again? Or is it done forever?

I think ENFPs - when they are done with another person and if it was a bad experience - they don't want to interact with you anymore. Not saying that was your situation. I have seen them have very long and close friendships with people. There always seem to be new people coming into their life though and they form friends quickly and then move onto new ones, etc.
 

strangecat

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Mar 24, 2017
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26
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[MENTION=35557]Brujx[/MENTION]
He was my vocal coach, much older, he started getting very personal with me, wanted to know everything about me, we became close, talked on the phone late at night for hours, didn't work in vocal lessons anymore because we were talking about life. He flirted with me, gave me his watch because it matches my hair color. I always told him to not call or write if he doesn't want to but he always did. And if I was putting the walls up or backing away he would always do something to pull me back in. He didn't let me go but always kept me hanging. When I would hint that I need to know what's up or if I would basically beg him to just say something so it ends, he wouldn't. He would always be like "no, no, no..." and then say many nice things. Tell me he likes talking with me and be near me, I'm nice etc. I just wanted him to tell me if he didn't like me romantically and I was asking why was he acting the way he did. And he often replied in a filratious voice as well. When the time came to perform, I wasn't ready for obvious reasons. He stopped talking to me. I felt so guilty and apologized many times. I guess for falling in love? I realize now that it wasn't completely my fault but he made me feel that way and he let me take whole responsibility.

If he doesn't like me more than a person, I would like to be friends with him because I like him as a person as well. If he does like me more then I would like to get to know him better.
 
Last edited:

strangecat

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I think ENFPs - when they are done with another person and if it was a bad experience - they don't want to interact with you anymore. Not saying that was your situation. I have seen them have very long and close friendships with people. There always seem to be new people coming into their life though and they form friends quickly and then move onto new ones, etc.

Yeah I don't think I did something THAT bad. I fell in love? How can you punish somebody for that?
I know that they make friends quickly. It sucks if you're not important. I'm just thinking.. if you were once important, does it go away that quickly?
 

highlander

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Yeah I don't think I did something THAT bad. I fell in love? How can you punish somebody for that?
I know that they make friends quickly. It sucks if you're not important. I'm just thinking.. if you were once important, does it go away that quickly?

They seem to have an uncanny ability to move forward in this way without a lot of thinking about the past. I think they can be very loyal in terms of friendships. In intimate relationships, if the thing is over it seems like it can be very difficult for them but then they move on.
 

strangecat

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They seem to have an uncanny ability to move forward in this way without a lot of thinking about the past. I think they can be very loyal in terms of friendships. In intimate relationships, if the thing is over it seems like it can be very difficult for them but then they move on.

Well we did have a friendship. We were never together. So could a friendship work? That's what I'm wondering
 

Metamorphosis

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I feel like you need to read what you're actually writing. You seem to be apologetic about being treated poorly by him. Despite that, you're willing to just be friends because you think it's better than nothing and you'd rather have some relationship with him even if it doesn't go well for you. Sounds like you would be better off just completely moving on because he probably will and/or already has.
 

Peter Deadpan

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Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,883
I think you are probably just experiencing the incredible pain that comes with heartbreak. I know you think having him around will be good for you, that it will ease this pain, but it won't. No matter how you spin it, things are not going to go back to how they were. I know it's super hard, but I would recommend that you just walk away and do your best to delete him from your life. By all means, hang on to some of the better memories, but don't romanticize them - catch yourself when you are doing this and remind yourself of 2 bad times so that you don't lose hold of reality.

I've been there, I wish you the best.
 

Yama

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Unfortunately you can't make someone talk to you if they don't want to talk to you. Communication is a 2 way street and no matter how badly you want them to be a part of your life, if they decide they're not going to be, then there's nothing you can do because that decision is on them. Better to just find what closure you can and move on.
 

Zarathustra

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Oct 31, 2009
Messages
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They seem to have an uncanny ability to move forward in this way without a lot of thinking about the past.

That's not how I've seen it.

That sounds more like ESFPs.

Yes, ENFPs do have a lot of people come into their lives.

And many aren't there long, and the ENFP moves on.

But inferior Si, ime, can make them extremely past-oriented.

Like all things regarding the inferior, it tends to be dual-edged.

They can have a problematic relationship with the past.

But along with rejecting it, not wanting to think about it, etc.

Comes a large dose of being completely caught up in it.

Just my observations. No two people are the exact same.
 

Abcdenfp

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As an ENFP Sometimes I almost feel that in intimate relationships we are months ahead emotionally than the other person in the relationships and we know what we are feeling so quickly by the time the other person has figured out what they are feeling we have decided to move on. Not always, but that has been the case for me several times , it's like 6 months later the person says I realize that I feel xyz but I'm mentally gone. I don't ever go back Emotionally usually the person would have to be exceptional for that to happen.
I have had people fall in love very fast and told them that it was not a good idea to get so emotionally attached to me. I can be inconsistent with feelings.
With friends however I have a lot of long lasting friendships but always new people on the scene.
OP I think that writing the letter would be a good idea if you want friendship, if it was me I would be open to reading it and I am friends with al my Exs .so I say go for it .
 

Starry

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May 22, 2010
Messages
6,103
[MENTION=35557]Brujx[/MENTION]
He was my vocal coach, much older, he started getting very personal with me, wanted to know everything about me, we became close, talked on the phone late at night for hours, didn't work in vocal lessons anymore because we were talking about life. He flirted with me, gave me his watch because it matches my hair color. I always told him to not call or write if he doesn't want to but he always did. And if I was putting the walls up or backing away he would always do something to pull me back in. He didn't let me go but always kept me hanging. When I would hint that I need to know what's up or if I would basically beg him to just say something so it ends, he wouldn't. He would always be like "no, no, no..." and then say many nice things. Tell me he likes talking with me and be near me, I'm nice etc. I just wanted him to tell me if he didn't like me romantically and I was asking why was he acting the way he did. And he often replied in a filratious voice as well. When the time came to perform, I wasn't ready for obvious reasons. He stopped talking to me. I felt so guilty and apologized many times. I guess for falling in love? I realize now that it wasn't completely my fault but he made me feel that way and he let me take whole responsibility.

If he doesn't like me more than a person, I would like to be friends with him because I like him as a person as well. If he does like me more then I would like to get to know him better.



Just found this after a bit of a search...

strangecat...there is a good chance you have already disappeared again or are no longer interested in commenting on this topic. But a while back I saw your user name attached to something with ENFP in the title and thought Oooh! what's going on...? Unfortunately, I may have taken too long to finally get here.

I don't know if you remember me but I discussed this topic with you the first time around (I have kinda a different avatar currently and no longer have ENFP listed...but Starry yah)...and expressed my opinion in a very gentle and compassionate way by saying that to me the dude seemed like a total fuckin weirdo.

The bolded above is what is new to me...and I'll just tell you right here right now...that unless my actual life depended on you being ready to preform whatever you ended-up not being ready to preform for...I can't really imagine shutting you out of my life for good. What was his stake in this? Like...is his name even being mentioned? I've never heard of this...I've never been to a vocal performance of any kind where they say "coached by"...or anything. And so I wonder what would anger him in this regard...or if it was merely a point where he could cut you off for some reason that made some sense.

I'll tell you that if the only place you had contact with him was through this voice coaching + age difference = he won't be talking to you again anytime soon. And from all I have heard I can't help but think you would be far better off this way.

This will pass and I hope other than...you are doing quite well.
 

strangecat

New member
Joined
Mar 24, 2017
Messages
26
MBTI Type
infp
Just found this after a bit of a search...

strangecat...there is a good chance you have already disappeared again or are no longer interested in commenting on this topic. But a while back I saw your user name attached to something with ENFP in the title and thought Oooh! what's going on...? Unfortunately, I may have taken too long to finally get here.

I don't know if you remember me but I discussed this topic with you the first time around (I have kinda a different avatar currently and no longer have ENFP listed...but Starry yah)...and expressed my opinion in a very gentle and compassionate way by saying that to me the dude seemed like a total fuckin weirdo.

The bolded above is what is new to me...and I'll just tell you right here right now...that unless my actual life depended on you being ready to preform whatever you ended-up not being ready to preform for...I can't really imagine shutting you out of my life for good. What was his stake in this? Like...is his name even being mentioned? I've never heard of this...I've never been to a vocal performance of any kind where they say "coached by"...or anything. And so I wonder what would anger him in this regard...or if it was merely a point where he could cut you off for some reason that made some sense.

I'll tell you that if the only place you had contact with him was through this voice coaching + age difference = he won't be talking to you again anytime soon. And from all I have heard I can't help but think you would be far better off this way.

This will pass and I hope other than...you are doing quite well.

Thank you I'm going good otherwise. I did have a deep depression the whole summer because of this and I'm still recovering.
This is strange for me because I've never fallen for somebody like this before and it still hurts.

Another thing that is confusing to me is that he is still "stalking" me and even stealing my expressions/they way I talk etc, stealing ideas from my fb posts/photos etc.
If he doesn't want to be with me I would just like him to leave me alone. Why does he keep stalking me?

And I hope you're doing great!!! ☺
 

Starry

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May 22, 2010
Messages
6,103
Thank you I'm going good otherwise. I did have a deep depression the whole summer because of this and I'm still recovering.
This is strange for me because I've never fallen for somebody like this before and it still hurts.

Another thing that is confusing to me is that he is still "stalking" me and even stealing my expressions/they way I talk etc, stealing ideas from my fb posts/photos etc.
If he doesn't want to be with me I would just like him to leave me alone. Why does he keep stalking me?

And I hope you're doing great!!! ☺



holy fuck I know that pain very well. Of having risked and put yourself out there because you truly cared and getting shot down for it...

I still don't understand this story...but if he is in fact ENFP and he is still aware of your existence on this planet...then he cares for you on some level... (if he is stalking you there's interest there but do you want that kind of interest? I still think something is way weird with him...)

But you are well...you sound good to me and that is all that matters.
 
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