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[INFJ] (Gay) ENTP-INFJ Success Story

usernamehere

New member
Joined
Sep 29, 2017
Messages
3
MBTI Type
INFJ
First post, only doing so to add a glimmer of hope/inspiration/affirmation to the whole INFJ-ENTP thing. And our relationship is rather stereotypical, and stereotypically awesome.

I am a gay male INFJ. He is gay male ENTP. Ive read that female/male dynamics are way different -- probably due to the social/gender role thing. So, being 2 guys, in similar situations socially/psychologically, is really a blessing.

I'm a clinical psychologist in training (INFJ stereotype);
he's a lawyer in training (ENTP stereotype).

He's extremely quick, smart, intensely mental, sensual, sociable, and curious.
I'm extremely quick, smart, intensely mental, sensual, not AS sociable, but just as curious and open, Im just slower on the "draw" and I dont take social initiative.
I dont brag --- we only recognize each other's quickness, simply because we keep up with each other very well -- no matter the topic/lack of topic. We simply dont get this level of engagement outside of deep academic reads, complex historical, musical, cultural, political, legal topics, etc.

He absorbs his knowledge and experiential wisdom from the external world, and brings it in to himself, then will ask me my view.
I absorb my knowledge through my internal world, and express it out, and he will naturally soundboard, recapture what I say, reframe it, and boom -- new idea/talking point. Seamless conversational nonsense, of depth and quality I've only experienced within my own mind when im alone (stupid narcissist self-centeredness INFJ thing to say, I know).

We both ask each other "what" we are "getting" from an experience, as if to try to understand "our other self" better, as if this helps us understand our own selves, which is probably what the "growth" thing is -- where we both see ourselves, through each other, in varying vantage points, so there really isnt any "issue" that both of our minds cant somehow work to something positive.

Since the second we met, our chemistry was such that each date that begins as just a broad "lets see a show/hang out/go eat"-- turns into 5AM on a worknight, and we have to split and go home.
Today, the same follows. No matter what happens, our days/nights blur into a continuum of "what day/time is it? I have work tomorrow I guess I should go!"
We are at a position now where we just naturally plan stuff to do, and if it works out cool, if not, then another time. We aren't clingy -- we are independent, weird, do our own thing, and still come together and its like we're back home (at least, mentally/emotionally).

Yes, his "Thinking"-centrism is evident, in that when I have an "Emotional-Apocalypse" moment, he struggles to think of what to say, and even tells me he wish could reach down deep for some inspirational woo-woo. Personally, its enough for me that he cares this much to help mirror and support me, despite his having no clue what to do.
Yes, my emotional clinginess has been evident, as just a few days without him and I became a 12-year old middle school girl, and had a break down. He reassured me, and now I'm ok!
We've both been open about this sort of "blindness" we have (where my emotions consume and destroy my logic; and his logic is keeping him, he thinks, from finding the "right" thing to say.

He overthinks in his presentation, as his perception/vision is so broad and complex, he often worries of talking too much, writing too much, etc -- especially about himself.
Similarly, I would overthink, but I think my more "Judging" quality helps narrow down and refine.
He/we are idea generators; but typically I'm a bit more "practical" and "on it".

As an ENTP, he's prone to boredom, and is constantly looking to engage.
As an INFJ, I'm not bored too often, because I readily engage with the right person/environment.
Because I'm a slow-to-open/weirdo, he has plenty to pick at. And since we/I am always trying to grow, try new things, learn new knowledge, theres always SOMETHING to discover between us -- it just happens in natural conversation stream.

ENTPs do love debate -- supposedly, INFJs are delicate little flowers about this. I am not, and I personally hate when people cannot "debate" without getting feelings hurt or whatever.
INFJs supposedly dont love debate because we take it personally? Yes, I used to. I grew out of this when I realized its not personal. Simple as that.
So now, we can make fun of each other, call each other names, poke and prod at each others funny ideas and embarassments, and its totally for fun, openness, laughs, and acceptance. No feelings hurt. If anything, feelings/bond made stronger.

Also it does help we are actually interested and passionate about 99% of the same things -- we can flip to any music, movie, etc and both of us will be completely into it-- either because we love it, or we just love taking in a new experience just for the sake of it.

So yeah we're gay, and that probably makes us minorities among minorities, and neither of us fit gender roles too well (both of us just nerdy sorta weird guys, not into a scene), so I dont know how this applies to the general population... but if its any encouragement -- the dynamic is real, is palpable, and almost scary at how quickly it hits -- dizzying. But, after the initial shock, the realization of what it is sets in... and its the coolest feeling in the world. Not a high. Not intoxication. But--- more, me. And he becomes more "him". And for two people to offer judgment free, supportive space for each other to be the weird unique freaks we truly are, and often have hidden in various layers of our personality/personas, is my definition of love. So, when you find that person... maybe their type is the match for you, maybe not -- but in my case, it was straight out of the "textbook" match. So, its real.

Of course, when he gets bored of me, all Ive asked is that he tells me, and we will go from there :) I'm a cautious optimist, or maybe a hopeful cynic --- but I've a good feeling/intuition (eyeroll) about this. Even if it doesnt stay intimate or romantic or whatever the label (dont care about labels) -- THIS feeling, THIS dynamic, the ENTP-INFJ thing, is real. So, to anyone wondering of an ideal match --- Idk much, but I do know Ive only felt this same feeling with 3 people in my life across multiple states, cities, schools, clubs, etc. -- and then, to add the romantic/intimate thing to it.... holy crap. Mountain moving.
 

entropie

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
16,767
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
783
I have no clue about INFJ woman nor ISFJ woman. The whole thing, aka those are entps perfect mates I consider as wishful thinking.

But a gay INFJ, he could be more easily understood. :)

Sorry tl;dr
 

Forever_Jung

Active member
Joined
May 23, 2009
Messages
2,644
MBTI Type
ESFJ
Sounds like true love, there's nothing like that intuitive click, is there? I also enjoy how stereotypological you two are. How long have you guys been together?
 

usernamehere

New member
Joined
Sep 29, 2017
Messages
3
MBTI Type
INFJ
Just a few months. We both admit it's moving quickly, deeply, and I think our openness to how new and sort of shocking this experience is is keeping us from getting too freaked out. So, should the dynamic remain the same, I've high hopes! And thank you thank you for response!
 

DressageDiva

New member
Joined
Oct 6, 2017
Messages
1
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
2
I am curious to hear how your story unfolds. I am an INFJ female that was married to ENTP male for 15 years, together for 18. The story of your fast-paced relationship evolution sounds very familiar! We were very young (college) when we met. He was smart, articulate and extremely handsome (British too). We didn't marry until our late 20s. At it's best, we were madly in love and passionate, and at it's worst, we were angry and shutting each other out. The shutting out was what broke us in the end. I didn't know about types until closer to the end of our relationship where I was typing ENFP and not INFJ. I now know I was trying to be someting I was not and when I finally got in touch with my real self, I typed INFJ and it made so much more sense! I loved my ENTP dearly and of course, as an INFJ, the end our relationship still plagues me. We also have 2 children from our marriage. My personal experience is that ENTP and INFJ are a true form of opposites attract because we fill the void the other doesn't have, but in the end we both were left feeling misunderstood and in my case I pulled way into myself and he just worked more! :( That is not a surprsing outcome in my opinion. There was always mutual respect and we had great debates! However, in the end, I tired of the never ending debates and what I began to take on as direct criticism of me and he tired of me seeming depressed and what he percieved as never being able to please me. I am now in a relationship with another INFJ! Scary? At first it was to be honest, however, I feel more at peace than I have in years and maybe that has to do with maturity, but it also has much to do with being with someone that functions so similarly to me especially as a rarer type. I do believe that types are just scratching the surface and they don't necessarily make or break a relationship, but I think they do lay foundation for where things can and do go wrong. This is simply my story of course and I do hope very much it works for the two of you!
 
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