[NF] Are INFJs and ENFPs really the 'perfect match'?

[Starry]

fuck no

 

[the state i am in]

The connection is pretty great. It definitely seems like one of the doable chemistries to build around. You both do need to be pretty motivated to build the relationship, since there are some pretty drastic lifestyle differences that can easily come up. I find the "extinguishment" dynamic they talk about in socionics to partly ring true, where things can get a bit unstable at times and we can both tend to get reactive and undo each other's efforts to be constructive. When we really work on finding a centered place to interact, the connection has an awesome spiritual quality to it, and the way we both want to work on emotional health echoes and supports each other beautifully. There is also a pretty easy time finding mutual admiration and ongoing interest in each other. The richness of working together and/or appreciating each other's way of building perspective makes things feel engaging and like a pretty limitless resource.

I'd only date an enfp that truly wanted a best friend, understood commitment, and was at a maturity level where slowing down and prioritizing was seen as constructive and healthy rather than limiting. Likewise, I wouldn't be very good for an enfp if I weren't willing to explore my actual needs and meet them in that space beyond my moral judgments or expectations. I keep learning again and again that when things are about needs, there's a lot more space to engage and explore solutions together than when they are about right and wrong, which admittedly is a more controlling way of going about asking for what one needs.

In my relationship, we both do the same kind of work, which also feels somewhat invigorating. I'd have a bit more trouble, I think, with a 7w8. The difference in how we construct boundaries is pretty drastic. Self-awareness is just really important to be able to stand on your own two feet and have a decent groundedness to relate to the differences of the other in a positive, adult way. Because we are both also masters of dissolving all the distance between us, but that can get disorienting without finding your own way again.

 

[enfpe]

fuck no

Would you be willing to elaborate a little bit?

 

[LucieCat]

I get along great with INFJs both on paper and in reality. One of my oldest friends is an INFJ. I've known her since we were kids. I think it has potential to be a good romantic fit.
Of course, it's dependent on the people.

There's also the ENFP and INTJ are the best camp. People are going to disagree. I've also known ENFPs to say that they find the NTP types to be a good match.

I think INJs are great, but as an ENFP I find that I pull in more IFPs romantically.

 

[Amargith]

Ive had many interesting potential attractions over the years, but found especially ISTP and INTJ to have the greatest potential - both in the moment and long term.
Somehow the opposite NiSe in both of them, combined with the introverted thinking to balance out my extraverted feeling tendencies work brilliantly together.

We each have our own turf, work neatly besides one another, handing back and forth situations to each other in full confidence of each others skills, with no qualms about our own limits. If that is not possible, we encourage and advise the other as they attempt their version of our skillset and forgive them their mistakes as they figure it out.

Meanwhile, INTPs, ISFPs and oddly ENFJs of the right caliber make a great second choice. That means an ISFP who isnt conflict avoided and secure in his Fi, an ENFJ who does NOT have control issues and lets his inferior Ti run rampant and an INTP who has an exceedingly well developed Ne to keep a lid on the black and white tendencies of his Ti scalpel.

It is my experience that these conditions arent always present in these types, making them and the corresponding attraction rare to come accross.

INFJs and I do seem to share a passing fascination with each other but we invariably end up in each others turf and disagree strongly about how to do the work needed there.

Their typical need to dampen Fi 'coz its too unruly, childlike and naive' according to their judgement and enlist their teenage Ti to be ' the saving hero' and introduce the supposed much needed rationality coz they feel too closely involved for comfort makes me feel like a stupid child being send to her room 'to let the grown ups talk'. I rarely take kindly to that kind of treatment and its about the biggest turn off possible to be condescended to like that

That said - I am in awe at what they can do when they are in their element. It is also endearing to see them bristle and feel lost when presented with a mirror for self reflection. Feeling vulnerable in front of others is definitely something that only the brave ones dont run from. Its inspring to see them pluck up the courage to take those first unsteady steps to use their brilliant analytical insights on themselves for a change

Ive met the odd Infj where this was barely an issue, bit it was still present, so on the whole, they re great partners in crime at a distance, ime.

We end up taking turns on the stage as it were - observing and appreciating each others work from afar (i find they tend to bite their nails til im done as a stress response, and i find myself frowning at times at the things they gloss over until i see the end result ) and learning what we can from a distance. That way, the respect and friendship works brilliantly, but it is unsuited to my needs regarding a more intimate pairbond - and theirs, from what ive seen.

 

[Virtual ghost]

There is no such a thing as "perfect match" in typology.

 

[1487610420]

yes

 

[Lyra.I]

i don't know about SOs but my gal best friend is an INFJ and i love her to bits. We connect on a really deep level and REALLY get each other, it feels like an absolutely perfect fit. We've never fought, not even once, OR even had an argument for that matter. Our relationship is pretty flippin' amazing :')

 

[sacredjade]

ENFP is not appealing to me. i am actually dating the opposite, INTJ.

 

[lovefool21]

As a (male) ENFP I always dreamed of INFJ love, especially as INFJs are very rare!

With my INFJ ex I found that her unrealistic expectations in the relationship (being extremely demanding internally, although she was too nice to whine and moan about it extern) and not setting boundaries/communicating properly about her comfort levels and disatisfaction with me or the relationship, was a major problem. And so all of this unexpressed disappointment and frustration could poison the relationship for the INFJ until they can take it no more.

Also I found that we thought similarly in a lot of ways, which was nice, but we never seemed to have quite the same subtle take on things. Like there was some disconnect. Perhaps as Poki said earlier in the thread, "I see the "connection" long term being a struggle. Mostly because they connect to each other differently."

Though as people have said, even within a given type there are variations. Perhaps a more assertive and self-aware INFJ with more life/relationship experience would have made our relationship work much better. After my ex I have become a little wary of going out with another INFJ, for the above reasons really. So maybe it isn't the perfect fit

 

[1487610420]

yes

gr8 minds think alike

 

[lovefool21]

I see the "connection" long term being a struggle. Mostly because they connect to each other differently. I see them getting along better with ISFJ

I found this really interesting Poki - could you elaborate on this? I.e. what you mean by "connection", and the ways in which you think said connection differs...

 

[Fidelia]

As a (male) ENFP I always dreamed of INFJ love, especially as INFJs are very rare!

With my INFJ ex I found that her unrealistic expectations in the relationship (being extremely demanding internally, although she was too nice to whine and moan about it extern) and not setting boundaries/communicating properly about her comfort levels and disatisfaction with me or the relationship, was a major problem. And so all of this unexpressed disappointment and frustration could poison the relationship for the INFJ until they can take it no more.

Also I found that we thought similarly in a lot of ways, which was nice, but we never seemed to have quite the same subtle take on things. Like there was some disconnect. Perhaps as Poki said earlier in the thread, "I see the "connection" long term being a struggle. Mostly because they connect to each other differently."

Though as people have said, even within a given type there are variations. Perhaps a more assertive and self-aware INFJ with more life/relationship experience would have made our relationship work much better. After my ex I have become a little wary of going out with another INFJ, for the above reasons really. So maybe it isn't the perfect fit

It's true that INFJs need to be a lot more up front about their expectations, stating when they are upset or hurt, and also being more proactive at drawing boundaries. In some cases, they really do think that what the other person is doing and how it affects them is obvious and must therefore be a deliberate choice that person is making. I think also they are hesitant to take up more than their fair share of emotional space, not realizing that they will probably end up doing so inadvertently down the road if they don't address those feelings now. In my case, I think I have often thrown out little feelers to see how responsive or receptive the other person is to me being honest about even the negative stuff, or about the things that matter a lot to me. In the past, I know I have just accepted that as an unchangeable fact, or even read too much into a person's lack of response (which wasn't intended to give an indirect message necessarily). So yes, maturity or experience communicating openly is helpful. A significant other also has to be aware enough of those tendencies to make it safe for the INFJ to venture out with things that they would normally be protective about because they are unsure. That maybe needs to be stated or indicated in overt and indirect ways.

I think Ne tends to try a lot of ideas on for size and also is very in the moment and more up front about their feelings, which may change (even though they may be felt strongly right then). Ni users are a lot more slow moving in noticing patterns and figuring out even how they feel about things. They rarely just state positions out loud as their own if they don't plan to incorporate that position longterm into their perspective. So if a Ne user assumes that something they bring up is just a temporary frustration, it could be a big mistake. Or if the Ni user gets frustrated at the Ne user for constantly shifting perspectives or "upsetting them for nothing", that also becomes an issue.

In both INFJs and ENFPs, I think it takes a lot of time for both types to work all that out and they probably are a better match much further on in life after they've learned some of those things on their own.

 

[Avocado]

fuck no

I can't stand INFJ...

My romantic pairings...all 5 of them...have been ISTJ. I have a type.

 

[Abcdenfp]

Ive had many interesting potential attractions over the years, but found especially ISTP and INTJ to have the greatest potential - both in the moment and long term. Somehow the opposite NiSe in both of them, combined with the introverted thinking to balance out my extraverted feeling tendencies work brilliantly together. We each have our own turf, work neatly besides one another, handing back and forth situations to each other in full confidence of each others skills, with no qualms about our own limits. If that is not possible, we encourage and advise the other as they attempt their version of our skillset and forgive them their mistakes as they figure it out. Meanwhile, INTPs, ISFPs and oddly ENFJs of the right caliber make a great second choice. That means an ISFP who isnt conflict avoided and secure in his Fi, an ENFJ who does NOT have control issues and lets his inferior Ti run rampant and an INTP who has an exceedingly well developed Ne to keep a lid on the black and white tendencies of his Ti scalpel. It is my experience that these conditions arent always present in these types, making them and the corresponding attraction rare to come accross. INFJs and I do seem to share a passing fascination with each other but we invariably end up in each others turf and disagree strongly about how to do the work needed there. Their typical need to dampen Fi 'coz its too unruly, childlike and naive' according to their judgement and enlist their teenage Ti to be ' the saving hero' and introduce the supposed much needed rationality coz they feel too closely involved for comfort makes me feel like a stupid child being send to her room 'to let the grown ups talk'. I rarely take kindly to that kind of treatment and its about the biggest turn off possible to be condescended to like that That said - I am in awe at what they can do when they are in their element. It is also endearing to see them bristle and feel lost when presented with a mirror for self reflection. Feeling vulnerable in front of others is definitely something that only the brave ones dont run from. Its inspring to see them pluck up the courage to take those first unsteady steps to use their brilliant analytical insights on themselves for a change Ive met the odd Infj where this was barely an issue, bit it was still present, so on the whole, they re great partners in crime at a distance, ime. We end up taking turns on the stage as it were - observing and appreciating each others work from afar (i find they tend to bite their nails til im done as a stress response, and i find myself frowning at times at the things they gloss over until i see the end result ) and learning what we can from a distance. That way, the respect and friendship works brilliantly, but it is unsuited to my needs regarding a more intimate pairbond - and theirs, from what ive seen.

so well put this explanation of the dynamic with these pairings. its like being in sync without actually imposing on each other its complimentary contrast.

 

[risha]

I'm not saying it wouldn't work, but I definitely don't think they're the perfect theoretical match.

Where it could go wrong: INFJ's will likely struggle with the inconsistency of attention, and ENFP's won't like feeling like an underachieving pupil.

I agree with Fidelia to some extent. I have dated an INFJ in the past (for 2 years) and it was a beautiful disaster. Now this same INFJ is my best friend. We have intense appreciation for each others' perspectives and unique wisdoms. HOWEVER, in a relationship setting we quickly lose balance: I suddenly feel too flighty for him, as if everything I'm doing is really over the top when before I didn't question it. My hard-earned peace of mind is quickly eroded by his more serious approach to life. He, on the other hand, annoys me with his relentless self-improvement crusades and the high standards he holds for others too. I feel judged. He feels as if he can't get a grip on who I am because I keep shifting.

On the positive side (my sister is also an INFJ so I have some experience): between two mature adults, the INFJ-ENFP relationship can be truly beautiful. Both types are highly empathetic and attracted to the "big" questions: the meaning of life, how to live a good life, how to keep growing in wisdom, etc. We really stimulate each others' minds.

The ENFP can provide the INFJ with some much-needed empathy, grace, and humour when the INFJ is becoming overloaded with worries about the world or falls victim to perfectionism. A mature ENFP is also much more theoretical and well-spoken than we are assumed to be (well-developed tertiary Te), allowing us to often voice the thoughts of INFJs in a way that makes them feel seen and understood (which is a rare feeling for them). On the other hand, a self-aware ENFP appreciates the drive, caring and curiosity that propels an INFJ; we can learn a lot bout focus and self-discipline from these rare birds. I don't know about sustainable romance between these two, but you may have the beginnings of a beautiful friendship on your hands!

 

[Forever]

ENFP’s find me way too serious

 

[risha]

ENFP’s find me way too serious

We kinda do But that's also what's attractive about your type. You really go for life guns blazing with idealism and determined intent.

 

[Yara the Corpse]

I dated an ENFP but I can't comment until I figure out my type.

 

[StarFollowed]

No, because “perfect matches” have nothing to do with type.

The biggest sleazebag I knew was an INFJ. He, very inappropriately, revealed his feelings for me and wanted me to leave my now-husband. He was immature and desired sympathy and was very manipulative/not respectful of boundaries.

I’m married to an ISTJ type 2w1, sp/sx. He’s the kindest, most supportive man. Better than any NF man I’ve met.