i'd like to start this by saying i'm going to try to be as honest as i can about my shortcomings. I am 23 years old and i have had a rough life so far. My parents got a divorce when i was 7 and my mother soon remarried. My mom has bipolar disorder and struggled with it through out my childhood. I faced the brunt of her illness daily with frequent arguments and verbal/emotional abuse. My stepfather was a very strict and stern man, almost militaristic. Anyways i would describe myself as smart, funny, and caring. At my best I can be a very creative problem solver. I like to think of solutions and ways to fix something(not mechanical). For instance @ my current job people often ask my advice about a problem or a patient even though i'm young and don't have any qualifications. People have often said i seem older than my age and that i'm mature. I also have a good sense of humor. In groups im usually the one constantly cracking everybody up, i like to be the center of attention in certain situations. On the other hand i have pretty bad social anxiety at times and even though i love people, it takes alot of energy for me to meet a bunch of folks and get comfortable with them.

One negative aspect of my personality that i notice is that when im interacting with people im constantly aware of how something i say or somebody else says to them makes them feel. So im constantly trying to say whatever i need to to make that person feel better. THe reason this is negative is because i get exhausted socializing sincew i feel like i need to take care of everybody's feelings. I wish i could just sit aside and let it flow but its a compulsive need to keep harmony in the group. I also have bipolar disorder like my mom and this has been a big factor in my life. I've taken mbti tests many times before and i don't think they were accurate due to my illness not being controlled at the time. When im depressed i come off extremely introverted and when im manic the opposite.

Anyways another clue ill give that will help hopefully is that when I get stressed out i tend to become a different person. I abuse copious amounts of drugs and alcohol, i become manipulative and short tempered, and i become reckless. Im sober now but it seems that my shadow function is SE im not sure though. Im very good at poking holes in peoples arguments and bringing them to a conclusion closer to my own. I can be very charming and warm to people when at my best. I am not detail oriented at all, im constantly losing stuff and screwing up at my job because of this.

At times i like to zone out and play music that we'll bring me back to a certain period in my life. For some reason i find it pleasurable to reminisce not just about the good times but the bad. Especially the bad and i don't know why this is, it's just fun for me to remember exactly where i was at during certain periods of my life. I play guitar but ive never been creative artistically per se. I dont write lyrics, dont paint or do any art, i just play other peoples stuff. Im fairly passive but when somebody crosses a certain line i tend to lay down the law pretty abruptly. I have to admit that i can be extremely manipulative when in a bad space or if i specifically dont like someone and justify the manipulation because i feel they deserve it. I'm very good at understanding peoples motives and whether they are being truthful or not.

So from this little bit can anybody take a guess? sorry for the grammar and misspellings i wrote this in kind of a rush