[MBTI General] NF-NT pairing

[thinkinjazz]

Falling head over heels for this INFJ mostly because he's got a lot of attitude and calls me on any BS I give him. Went rockclimbing with an ENTP the other day- we're fun together, but most of time we're playfully using eachother as punchingbags so I could probably only take him in small doses. I'm pretty sure most of the guys I've liked have been INFJ's, with only two exceptions: ISFJ (which I'm starting to think was a serious misreading of our friendship) and what I'm pretty sure was an INTJ.

 

[Nyx]

So is that painting *waggles eyebrows*

I know! It turns me on and I'm mostly straight.

 

[Lily Bart]

Ever since I read Keirsey on N relationships, I've had a lot of fun collecting N relationships. Here's what I've found (my own first!):
INFJ-ENTP (22 yrs) great although challenging at times. He gets me to be more outgoing and spontaneous and I try to get him to remember to take out the garbage and be a better listener
ENFP-INTJ (25 yrs) great -- a really strong, creative partnership, although it's my understanding that she got him to sign a contract before she'd have a second child with him
ENFJ-INTP (16 yrs) -- really bad. He works full time plus does all the cooking, housework and takes care of the kids. She works on a book she's been writing for 13 years and yells at him for not being more sensitive.
INFP-INTP (19 yrs) -- really, really sweet and very family-oriented although she says he was a jerk early on.
INFP-INTJ (12 yrs) (I may be wrong here, I've having trouble typing them) anyway, very family-oriented although he comes down kind of hard and she seems too easygoing, hide-in-a-corner. Seems to be some tension between them.
ENTP-ISFJ (31 yrs) she complains a lot about him and he seems like he's never had a really satisfying sex life
ENTP-ESFP (38 yrs) sex seems to be the glue between these two but there doesn't seem to be much else. He can be borderline abusive-domineering.

 

[Gothmawg]

For me the NT-NF is definitely the best pairing. Most of my relationships have been with NF and honestly it's waaaay too passive.

What the NT gets from me is someone who will call them on their BS and make them realize there are other people who need to be considered in their equations.

What the NF(me) gets is a good swift kick in the arse when I'm day dreaming too much.

See...balance. lol

 

[Curious1]

ENFP-INTJ (25 yrs) great -- a really strong, creative partnership, although it's my understanding that she got him to sign a contract before she'd have a second child with him

What kind of things would one want in a contract regarding children? I've never heard such a thing, not that I'm totally shocked but just curious.

 

[nynesneg]

How an ExTJ feels with all the fuzzy NF luuvvv...

 

[Waffle]

It's a very thin line. I dated an INTJ and it would never work out. He was too critical and cold for me. Too selfish (Not to generalize!!!!). However, I'm dating an INTP, and it's been my best relationship yet. He being an introvert, we don't butt heads for the spotlight, but he still has a strong enough personality to not fall in to the background entirely. We can cater to each others overemotional needs. We make a good solution team with a thinking and feeling, and can usually figure a way out of any situation, albeit with a bit of crying and a bit of poutingon both our parts.

I've dated a couple NFs and even an SP, and we were all just too stubborn or didn't want to deal with the little details of relationships. They were all extroverts, so neither of us wanted to be the anchor for this ship. My NT focuses on the details that I have issues dealing with, while I come up with the big picture. He makes sure that I always know I'm with him, and not everyone else's. When I was with an extrovert, they always seemed to be floating around. Neither of us was willing to buckle down and and let it be known we were a couple. Therefore, one of us always seemed to be checking the playing field (Though it wasn't usually me being nervous about conflict and all). I've found that the NT is the perfect compliment to my NF.

 

[cafe]

LOL. You can't pull out the logic on me until you've let me vent and shown me that you get what I'm saying. After I've calmed down we can do logical. OTOH, if I want something from my INTP, it's really a lot more efficient to ask calmly and possibly with a little humor. If I whip out the strong emotions, he sort of reacts like a deer in the headlights and it takes him awhile to unfreeze. Really inefficient. So if I'm flipping out, it had better be something really flip out worthy, like I just cut off my finger or Apple is going to stop making computers or something. :horor:

I drive. He navigates and reminds me not to run into things. I get to be in control, he gets to be the expert. Everybody's happy.

NTs are more about principles than values in the NF sense, but values and principles can match up pretty well. My INTP is more ethical than I am. I'm more compassionate. But we admire those traits in each other. We both consider honesty, compassion, and respect very important.

And NTs may not be natural hedonists, but they do have a drive for competence.

 

[*poke*]

LOL. You can't pull out the logic on me until you've let me vent and shown me that you get what I'm saying. After I've calmed down we can do logical. OTOH, if I want something from my INTP, it's really a lot more efficient to ask calmly and possibly with a little humor. If I whip out the strong emotions, he sort of reacts like a deer in the headlights and it takes him awhile to unfreeze. Really inefficient. So if I'm flipping out, it had better be something really flip out worthy, like I just cut off my finger or Apple is going to stop making computers or something. :horor:

I relate to this, as my INTJ (formerly described as ENTJ) boyfriend and I had to spend at least a year of our 3-year relationship working out the kinks in relating to each other communication-wise. As I've discussed in previous posts, we used to get into frequent arguments over even mundane things, stemming from a lack of communicated understanding and basic validation. One of our biggest accomplishments was learning to express these things and establish a basic trust and respect in the context of the conversation before we could discuss anything logical. Often I'm the one who wants to be listened to, I want to feel empathized with and have my feelings validated, and when I start talking in circles it's because it hasn't been communicated to me that my message was received. At the same time he doesn't require such basic premises, and is good at not taking things personally as long as I maintain some facade of objectivity .

When I used to watch him with other people I knew to be NFs, who did not have the implicit trust that he and I have, they (specifically, she) would get into terrible fights. These consisted of her getting strongly emotional so him getting flustered, or him getting strongly indignant so her getting irrational. Each of those adjectives is something bound to piss off a person of the other personality type. Needless to say, these interactions infused me with a reasonable doubt quite early in our relationship, but with absolute trust in each other's motivation and intentions towards the other, we are able to overcome it . As you mentioned, cafe, we've discovered it's more efficient in preventing misunderstandings if we take the time to really let the other know they are heard and are respected, in the way they are looking to be shown.

 

[nynesneg]

^ This reminds me of a classic example as children growing up with an ENTJ dad. We'd genuinely be hurt or upset about something and crying - dad would insist that we must be faking it to manipulate him into feeling sorry for us. Thus we would try to do our crying in the other room or closet so he wouldn't find out.

Of course dad meant well, he just didn't understand.

 

[Fecal McAngry]

I read in David Keirsey's "Please Understand Me II" that the most common marriage pairing for NFs was with NTs, and NTs with NFs.

Does he actually say this is the most common pairing, as opposed to DK's current idealized pairing for NFs & NTs?

 

[Fecal McAngry]

I think Keirsey had to get to that conclusion or his NF wife wouldn't talk to him anymore. I wouldn't know personally, thought, since I'm not sure I've ever met NT girls.

Myers has a different approach that seems to work out better. Three letters in common. There were some statistics supporting this in "gifts differing"...

IIRC this was merely an observation re: average numbers of letters married couples tended to have in common...

 

[Thalassa]

It makes sense to me. I tend to respect and admire NT men, and I think being with an NF could get boring. SPs are attractive, and I've been with a few, but I don't think that's ideal.

I think this is all most ideal - but is it really most common?

 

[Fecal McAngry]

May I admit something? I feel like INFPs are the irresistible force. Like they can have whatever/whomever they want because they're so mysterious and strong. I always feel unequal to them.

Some of them get away, sadly. 3%? 5%? Not all the women I covet fall for my admittedly overwhelmingly intoxicating charms

 

[Domino]

Some of them get away, sadly. 3%? 5%? Not all the women I covet fall for my admittedly overwhelmingly intoxicating charms

Perhaps if you didn't smell of poo?

 

[Fecal McAngry]

Perhaps if you didn't smell of poo?

And lose the other 95%?

 

[FaithBW]

I'm married to an INTJ. We connected intellectually and I think that's why we're still together. Emotionally, being the feeler that I am, I sometimes find my husband to be a bit distant. He doesn't mean it. I'm beginning to learn that he can't quite help it. It does bother me sometimes though because I come from a family of feelers who always express their love for each other. I'm use to telling my family "I love you." DH does not say it unless I say it first. For him, showing love is taking care of the bills, making sure I'm well taken care of and being supportive of my goals. I'm learning that he shows his love differently than me and I'm slowly starting to learn to be ok with that.

 

[HollyGolightly]

I find it hard to stay with NTs. I understand that they express love in different ways and just because it's different to how I express love it doesn't mean it's worth any less. But I was really starved of love and affection for a long while so getting with NTs wasn't a good idea. I was very attracted to them, probably because I saw it as more of a challenge to get them to be affectionate and fluffy with me than it would be with an NF. I do like NF/NT partnerships as I like the contrast and sometimes it is needed. But I'm super feeling, I am totally governed by my heart and I have no logic whatsoever ;P People have argued that's why I should go for NTs, but I find it hard to get used to a different way of expressing love. I feel I have to apologise for being sensitive and I can feel unwanted and unloved. I feel much better with other feelers because I don't feel that I have to explain myself or apologise for the way I am but sometimes two people can be so feeling that in a crisis there is emotional meltdown. So in the long run I think the NT/NF pairing is better than NF/NF, but I find it hard work and extremely stressful. I have left every T I have dated, I couldn't hack it. It's a failing on my part, I need to feel loved and secure which can lead to my partner thinking I am a little too demanding.