[ENFP] This ENFP is confusing me

[strangecat]

ENFP man is telling me to call and text him but doesn't text or call first.

 

[Agent Washington]

Confuse him back by turning into a siren and dragging him into the sea

It's probably the testing stage where both of you still are sussing out whether or not you like each other. Congrats and enjoy.

 

[Amargith]

Im like that

Im aware i can be a bit much for others so i wait for others to come to me to err on the side of caution. That way, i know im not bothering them or accidentally overwhelming them with my attention. I dont like being where im not wanted, yet tolerated out of politeness.

Additionally, im usually chasing some shiney and going with the flow, so consciously reaching out disrupts that flow. Im a lot better at flexing , reacting and adapting to what life throws at me than consciously dictating my next move, which is the reason i suck at staying in touch with people i dont naturally run into in my daily life.

As for what youre describing - too soon to tell, but it looks promising. He is doing his homework on you and letting things organically unfold, id say.

Meanwhile his repeared statements to contact him and his eager responsiveness to you doing so would indicate he thoroughly enjoys your company.

 

[chubber]

I know this French redhead.

 

[chubber]

I see that you are joking. Are you implying that I'm asking stupid questions? I know that a lot of people are confused by ENFPs and ask a lot of questions like these... But isn't it what these forums are for?
Should I just leave it be?

What's your nationality?

 

[Starry]

Oh no...what happened here? I saw this earlier and thought I would come here to respond when I had time to do so and now I'm seeing that the thread has gone out of business. Is to say "I know a French redhead" an especially offensive comment? I'm not familiar with what this might mean...but to close up shop because of it seems a bit extreme/dramatic and now has me wondering if maybe an ENFP for you might not be an ideal match. Even moreso than editing posts I wrote without enough caffeine in my system... my time here is spent trying stop myself from writing completely bizarre and inappropriate things.


Anyway, I think you are right in your assessment. I no longer know what it was that you invited him to...but unless it was something like a family reunion...or a social/political event that crossed his values...if he was interested in you romantically at this time I do believe he would have accepted. This is not to say that he isn't currently in the process of developing feelings for you and hasn't yet acknowledged it to himself... I would look for him to pull back (it's not shyness but it may look like it from the outside) to know if that has occurred. I would look for sobriety in him to know that he has been taken off Ne autopilot and Fi has engaged.

 

[Avocado]

Oh no...what happened here? I saw this earlier and thought I would come here to respond when I had time to do so and now I'm seeing that the thread has gone out of business. Is to say "I know a French redhead" an especially offensive comment? I'm not familiar with what this might mean...but to close up shop because of it seems a bit extreme/dramatic and now has me wondering if maybe an ENFP for you might not be an ideal match. Even moreso than editing posts I wrote without enough caffeine in my system... my time here is spent trying stop myself from writing completely bizarre and inappropriate things.


Anyway, I think you are right in your assessment. I no longer know what it was that you invited him to...but unless it was something like a family reunion...or a social/political event that crossed his values...if he was interested in you romantically at this time I do believe he would have accepted. This is not to say that he isn't currently in the process of developing feelings for you and hasn't yet acknowledged it to himself... I would look for him to pull back (it's not shyness but it may look like it from the outside) to know if that has occurred. I would look for sobriety in him to know that he has been taken off Ne autopilot and Fi has engaged.

Look, I ask myself why the fuck I'm even alive all the time. I suck at gaining power and I suck at helping people. There is nothing useful I'm good at and people hate me. At least I have my $400 a month in partial disability...if that lasts.

Nothing engages my passions. Fake people, fake work, fake goals.

 

[strangecat]

Oh no...what happened here? I saw this earlier and thought I would come here to respond when I had time to do so and now I'm seeing that the thread has gone out of business. Is to say "I know a French redhead" an especially offensive comment? I'm not familiar with what this might mean...but to close up shop because of it seems a bit extreme/dramatic and now has me wondering if maybe an ENFP for you might not be an ideal match. Even moreso than editing posts I wrote without enough caffeine in my system... my time here is spent trying stop myself from writing completely bizarre and inappropriate things. Anyway, I think you are right in your assessment. I no longer know what it was that you invited him to...but unless it was something like a family reunion...or a social/political event that crossed his values...if he was interested in you romantically at this time I do believe he would have accepted. This is not to say that he isn't currently in the process of developing feelings for you and hasn't yet acknowledged it to himself... I would look for him to pull back (it's not shyness but it may look like it from the outside) to know if that has occurred. I would look for sobriety in him to know that he has been taken off Ne autopilot and Fi has engaged.

I got emotional and deleted it. And I am dramatic because I feel very intensely And I have no idea what he meant by that comment. It wasn't because I tought it was offensive but rather because I felt like I was asking silly questions and got embarrassed.

He is kind of pulling back and explaining himself (for example that it is his way of working. Basically by talking to people to make them more open so it's easier to work. But he wanted to know EVERYTHING!!! And a lot of the things had nothing to do with making me more open. And he told me once that we need to be COMPLETELY open with each other and made me promise. Doesn't sound "professional" to me. Why all the touching as well and the random jumping up and grabbing me? I doubt he is touching everyone like that...). Could it be that he sees that I like him but doesn't like me back that's why he's suddenly being kinder to me? He has started answering to all of my messages which he never did before. But sometimes in a strange way... they feel kind of formal almost but with some personal touches as well. For example he will write "good evening" instead of "hey". And then proceed to write a nice message (for example I hope you feel good etc) and wish me a nice day or a cozy evening etc. And the rejection text was kind of similar and he also mentioned my name in it which he never did before either. And he said that he would gladly come but that he has a very busy week and wished me a nice weekend. He keeps wishing me stuff all the time. Is he being nice because he is trying to reject me nicely? Would you answer to every single text if you felt bad that somebody liked you and you didn't like them back? And would you touch them in a kind way for them to not feel rejected? Or you wouldn't care? Ans would you keep flirting?

I have asked him why is he asking me all that stuff because he wants to know the tiniest details and that's when he started explaining himself. And the last time we met he asked me how I was doing and I said very good and that was the end of the conversation and we just worked. Could it be that he actually lost interest and found another shiny thing? Or he's not asking on purpose to not lead me on? He did try to kind of connect with me by trying to joke or saying "us" statements. He's always usuing a lot of us statements by the way if that means something.

And the thing I wrote previously but it's kind of silly that's why I deleted it. I've noticed that he likes other women's photos but never mine. He is working with these women and they are colleagues so maybe that's why. But wouldn't you like your crushes photos? I guess I wouldn't because they would see that I like them then. But I tought that ENFPs are more forward.
What would sobriety look like? And how do I tell that he is just not being like that because he's trying to reject me in a nice way? By distancing himself. I'm worrying that he is just being kind to me. And now after that rejected invite he's not even asking anything anymore and doesn't care how I'm doing because he's sending me a message that he's not interested?

He is lauging nervously sometimes and I feel like he is choosing his words more carefully. But it could also be because he knows I like him and feels uncomfortable and doesn't jnow how to act around me? And I feel like when he is keeping a straight face, really he feels differently, I feel like he is controlling his emotions.

Sorry, I'm overanalysing...

 

[Starry]

I got emotional and deleted it. And I am dramatic because I feel very intensely And I have no idea what he meant by that comment. It wasn't because I tought it was offensive but rather because I felt like I was asking silly questions and got embarrassed.

It's so weird because I actually edited in the word "dramatic"...having only used "extreme" at first. This is not a word I ever use and wondered why I felt compelled to use it then. The truth of it is...is it didn't even make much sense to me...to use this word...but I go with my feels and I'm now hoping that answering to this word encouraged you to come back. I don't think your questions are silly and can understand why you are asking them here in this instance.

He is kind of pulling back and explaining himself (for example that it is his way of working. Basically by talking to people to make them more open so it's easier to work. But he wanted to know EVERYTHING!!! And a lot of the things had nothing to do with making me more open. And he told me once that we need to be COMPLETELY open with each other and made me promise. Doesn't sound "professional" to me. Why all the touching as well and the random jumping up and grabbing me? I doubt he is touching everyone like that...). Could it be that he sees that I like him but doesn't like me back that's why he's suddenly being kinder to me? He has started answering to all of my messages which he never did before. But sometimes in a strange way... they feel kind of formal almost but with some personal touches as well. For example he will write "good evening" instead of "hey". And then proceed to write a nice message (for example I hope you feel good etc) and wish me a nice day or a cozy evening etc. And the rejection text was kind of similar and he also mentioned my name in it which he never did before either. And he said that he would gladly come but that he has a very busy week and wished me a nice weekend. He keeps wishing me stuff all the time. Is he being nice because he is trying to reject me nicely? Would you answer to every single text if you felt bad that somebody liked you and you didn't like them back? And would you touch them in a kind way for them to not feel rejected? Or you wouldn't care? Ans would you keep flirting?

One of the things I wanted to ask you just because it is bothering me a little bit is...is there any chance that he is gay? I need to tell you that I very much recognize all of these behaviors and actions but depending on the degree of seriousness...it changes things in my mind. Like this....we need to be COMPLETELY open with each other and made me promise. <-I worked with a straight ENFP male that would say shit like this all the time...jump up, grab me, throw me all around (he was big on spontaneously grabbing anyone smaller than him and dipping them ballroom dancing style haha)...but it was all very clear (or at least clear to me?) that it wasn't meant to be taken seriously in spite of a determined delivery/action. In other words, he would often yell "promise me!"...but you knew he was just being weird. None of this is to say that your ENFP does or does not like you but I'm not sure if these would be the things to base that on. It is confusing...we are confusing...I recognize this as we do so many things to entertain ourselves...like I would most definitely switch it up and use "good evening" instead of "hey" merely for my own amusement and get such a great laugh if the other person even noticed by saying something like "wtf Starry...".

If he is being absolutely genuine in all of these gestures though and you know for certain that he is...then I want you to find out if he isn't gay.

I have asked him why is he asking me all that stuff because he wants to know the tiniest details and that's when he started explaining himself. And the last time we met he asked me how I was doing and I said very good and that was the end of the conversation and we just worked. Could it be that he actually lost interest and found another shiny thing? Or he's not asking on purpose to not lead me on? He did try to kind of connect with me by trying to joke or saying "us" statements. He's always usuing a lot of us statements by the way if that means something.

To the bolded...tell me what exactly he said in response to that. You indicate that he started explaining himself but I want to know specifically what he said. What was his explanation... Also...I have always been so off-put by this "shiny new thing" crap...like I've never been this way and honestly feel that is in actuality an Fe thing...or perhaps a social dom thing but the thought of that sickens me. Not that it always works out this way but I only bring people into my life that I expect to be around for the rest of it. People are people not things...and while I can become slightly all-consumed by an SO (on an ongoing basis though...not just when newly minted...) when it comes to everyone else in my life...they are all equal and perpetually interesting to me. I think what is going on is perhaps he does like you and is tripping out on reality...or he fears he is overwhelming you. Like if the other person I'm interacting with routinely fails to match my intensity I'll tap the brakes. This would be the same for liking your photos and laughing nervously ha. He is probably attempting to control his emotions...but of the two reasons I've provided...I'm not at this time confident why.

Sorry, I'm overanalysing...

Don't be. I'm confused too.

 

[strangecat]

It's so weird because I actually edited in the word "dramatic"...having only used "extreme" at first. This is not a word I ever use and wondered why I felt compelled to use it then. The truth of it is...is it didn't even make much sense to me...to use this word...but I go with my feels and I'm now hoping that answering to this word encouraged you to come back. I don't think your questions are silly and can understand why you are asking them here in this instance.





One of the things I wanted to ask you just because it is bothering me a little bit is...is there any chance that he is gay? I need to tell you that I very much recognize all of these behaviors and actions but depending on the degree of seriousness...it changes things in my mind. Like this....we need to be COMPLETELY open with each other and made me promise. <-I worked with a straight ENFP male that would say shit like this all the time...jump up, grab me, throw me all around (he was big on spontaneously grabbing anyone smaller than him and dipping them ballroom dancing style haha)...but it was all very clear (or at least clear to me?) that it wasn't meant to be taken seriously in spite of a determined delivery/action. In other words, he would often yell "promise me!"...but you knew he was just being weird. None of this is to say that your ENFP does or does not like you but I'm not sure if these would be the things to base that on. It is confusing...we are confusing...I recognize this as we do so many things to entertain ourselves...like I would most definitely switch it up and use "good evening" instead of "hey" merely for my own amusement and get such a great laugh if the other person even noticed by saying something like "wtf Starry...".

If he is being absolutely genuine in all of these gestures though and you know for certain that he is...then I want you to find out if he isn't gay.





To the bolded...tell me what exactly he said in response to that. You indicate that he started explaining himself but I want to know specifically what he said. What was his explanation... Also...I have always been so off-put by this "shiny new thing" crap...like I've never been this way and honestly feel that is in actuality an Fe thing...or perhaps a social dom thing but the thought of that sickens me. Not that it always works out this way but I only bring people into my life that I expect to be around for the rest of it. People are people not things...and while I can become slightly all-consumed by an SO (on an ongoing basis though...not just when newly minted...) when it comes to everyone else in my life...they are all equal and perpetually interesting to me. I think what is going on is perhaps he does like you and is tripping out on reality...or he fears he is overwhelming you. Like if the other person I'm interacting with routinely fails to match my intensity I'll tap the brakes. This would be the same for liking your photos and laughing nervously ha. He is probably attempting to control his emotions...but of the two reasons I've provided...I'm not at this time confident why.






Don't be. I'm confused too.

I don't know how to quote parts of your post. But thank you so much for helping me.

But him being gay was one of the first things I thought of. How could I tell without asking him? He has many female friends and I don't know if he has any close male friends. But it might be because of his occupation. He is also very religious. Could that play a part? And he is my teacher but we are adults, sooo...

And he's not grabbing me that much. Just some delicate touches now and then. First time was when we hugged for the first time, after releasing the hug he took my hand into his hand and looked me in the eyes. Another time he randomly jumped up and touched my face. Another time also after releasing a hug, he grabbed my forearm and looked me in the eyes. And one of the last times when we were teasing each other and kind of flirting slightly, he randomly jumped up, came over and grabbed my forearm and also looked me in the eyes excitedly. And that same time, he also stood up and came over to me for a goodbye hug (I was the one who usually initiated the hug so this was surprising). I had dressed up and had somewhere to go after and he checked me out from top to bottom and told me that I looked good.
Some things that have changed... the first few conversations we had, he was very animated and expressive, we had intense eye contact that we didn't break for ages. Now when I'm talking and telling him something, he has a huge smile on his face and he has shiny eyes. But I have them naturally as well. He has told me what kind of humor he likes and to watch some movies and then write him how I liked them. And at this point he didn't reply back yet. He has told me what kind of women he doesn't like (and they are nothing like me.. blondes etc). But has never talked about relationships or anything.

The good evening messages started when I told him that he is an amazing person and that I can tell that he is a good friend as well... And after this he also used the phrase "I can tell you as a friend to a friend" (which he has only used once before at the beginning when we didn't talk that much and he was telling me something. But he stopped using it. And now he did it again. But right after this phone conversation was that day when he teased me and flirted with me.) So they could be as a joke or as a step back (but ironically he is replying now).

I just know that none of my gay friends are this "obsessed" with me. They don't want to know everything about me etc. They are not I almost want to say "fan girling" over me like this.

I cannot tell when he started to message me back every time, what caused that. But it happened at one point. One time when we talked on the phone and after like half an hour he had to go and he said that we will continue this conversation and he will call me later in the evening (and he said it like 3 times and I didn't even ask him to, he said it himself). And in the evening it was late and he actually texted me to say that he is not going to call me but that he hopes I fell good and wished me a good evening. He could have just not called. I don't get it.


His response to me asking why is he always asking stuff and wants to know everything was "I just wanna know" or "I'm curious". And after that when we talked on the phone and I had texted him that "you're a good friend" message, I felt like he had thought about it and that's when he told me that it's just his working method... ummm. And two days later when we met the whole teasing/flirting thing happened.

And the very last time, after I invited him to that event, when we met he totally pretended like nothing had happened and just asked me how I'm doing and I said very good and that was it. Why did he ignore it completely? Didn't even ask me how it was.

And he usually has this huge smile on his face or a completely straight face (but I feel like he is controlling his emotions). He also has a straight face when he is teasing me and he's waiting for my response. And he also had a straight face (but I felt like he is controlling it) when he saw that I was nervous that time the whole flirting happened. And when he asked me or told me that he thinks I'm shy because of him, he had a sneaky smile on his face. And I've seen him with other colleges and he's not flirty with them, he is just kind and he doesn't have the shiny eyes or the huge smile. Another thing is that I've heard him laugh out loud with colleagues but with me he is trying to control his laughter so it's not that loud. He often leaned in when we talked. He also remembers the tiniest details I've told him about myself or what I liked or didn't like but he always forgets all kinds of practical things etc. But he often promises something that I didn't even ask for and then doesn't do it (like the phone call).
He often tries to find out things through kind of manipulating (not in a bad way) with words etc. For example, when we talked about feeling of loneliness or feeling alone, he said that it will change when "you find your.... other... half" and waited for my reaction. And this was early on. At first I took it as him saying that he's not interested but then I realized that he just wanted to know if I have someone. And when I was telling him about my best friend, he asked if that's the guy from my pictures (he had checked them out and kind of gave it away). And two times when I accidentally mentioned other guys, his face changed to serious both times. It's hard to explain but the sudden change was visible. Why? And I just remembered that the first time when he used the phrase as a friend to a friend, he didn't know if I'm single. But after he found out, he didn't use it again.. until this.
I don't know but these things kind of made me think he is not actually gay.

And two weeks passed before that last time with flirting and the very last one when we didn't talk about anything personal. So I'm worried he actually has a new interest and gave up on me IF he liked me. And I feel like I ruined it

 

[Starry]

Are you deleting your posts strangecat? I'll try to come back in a bit...reread what you previously wrote and see if I can close some more gaps...

 

[strangecat]

Are you deleting your posts strangecat? I'll try to come back in a bit...reread what you previously wrote and see if I can close some more gaps...

No, I replied to you but it didn't get posted

- - - Updated - - -

It's so weird because I actually edited in the word "dramatic"...having only used "extreme" at first. This is not a word I ever use and wondered why I felt compelled to use it then. The truth of it is...is it didn't even make much sense to me...to use this word...but I go with my feels and I'm now hoping that answering to this word encouraged you to come back. I don't think your questions are silly and can understand why you are asking them here in this instance.





One of the things I wanted to ask you just because it is bothering me a little bit is...is there any chance that he is gay? I need to tell you that I very much recognize all of these behaviors and actions but depending on the degree of seriousness...it changes things in my mind. Like this....we need to be COMPLETELY open with each other and made me promise. <-I worked with a straight ENFP male that would say shit like this all the time...jump up, grab me, throw me all around (he was big on spontaneously grabbing anyone smaller than him and dipping them ballroom dancing style haha)...but it was all very clear (or at least clear to me?) that it wasn't meant to be taken seriously in spite of a determined delivery/action. In other words, he would often yell "promise me!"...but you knew he was just being weird. None of this is to say that your ENFP does or does not like you but I'm not sure if these would be the things to base that on. It is confusing...we are confusing...I recognize this as we do so many things to entertain ourselves...like I would most definitely switch it up and use "good evening" instead of "hey" merely for my own amusement and get such a great laugh if the other person even noticed by saying something like "wtf Starry...".

If he is being absolutely genuine in all of these gestures though and you know for certain that he is...then I want you to find out if he isn't gay.





To the bolded...tell me what exactly he said in response to that. You indicate that he started explaining himself but I want to know specifically what he said. What was his explanation... Also...I have always been so off-put by this "shiny new thing" crap...like I've never been this way and honestly feel that is in actuality an Fe thing...or perhaps a social dom thing but the thought of that sickens me. Not that it always works out this way but I only bring people into my life that I expect to be around for the rest of it. People are people not things...and while I can become slightly all-consumed by an SO (on an ongoing basis though...not just when newly minted...) when it comes to everyone else in my life...they are all equal and perpetually interesting to me. I think what is going on is perhaps he does like you and is tripping out on reality...or he fears he is overwhelming you. Like if the other person I'm interacting with routinely fails to match my intensity I'll tap the brakes. This would be the same for liking your photos and laughing nervously ha. He is probably attempting to control his emotions...but of the two reasons I've provided...I'm not at this time confident why.






Don't be. I'm confused too.

I don't know how to quote parts of your post. But thank you so much for helping me.

But him being gay was one of the first things I thought of. How could I tell without asking him? He has many female friends and I don't know if he has any close male friends. But it might be because of his occupation. He is also very religious. Could that play a part? And he is my teacher but we are adults, sooo...

And he's not grabbing me that much. Just some delicate touches now and then. First time was when we hugged for the first time, after releasing the hug he took my hand into his hand and looked me in the eyes. Another time he randomly jumped up and touched my face. Another time also after releasing a hug, he grabbed my forearm and looked me in the eyes. And one of the last times when we were teasing each other and kind of flirting slightly, he randomly jumped up, came over and grabbed my forearm and also looked me in the eyes excitedly. And that same time, he also stood up and came over to me for a goodbye hug (I was the one who usually initiated the hug so this was surprising). I had dressed up and had somewhere to go after and he checked me out from top to bottom and told me that I looked good.
Some things that have changed... the first few conversations we had, he was very animated and expressive, we had intense eye contact that we didn't break for ages. Now when I'm talking and telling him something, he has a huge smile on his face and he has shiny eyes. But I have them naturally as well. He has told me what kind of humor he likes and to watch some movies and then write him how I liked them. And at this point he didn't reply back yet. He has told me what kind of women he doesn't like (and they are nothing like me.. blondes etc). But has never talked about relationships or anything.

The good evening messages started when I told him that he is an amazing person and that I can tell that he is a good friend as well... And after this he also used the phrase "I can tell you as a friend to a friend" (which he has only used once before at the beginning when we didn't talk that much and he was telling me something. But he stopped using it. And now he did it again. But right after this phone conversation was that day when he teased me and flirted with me.) So they could be as a joke or as a step back (but ironically he is replying now).

I just know that none of my gay friends are this "obsessed" with me. They don't want to know everything about me etc. They are not I almost want to say "fan girling" over me like this.

I cannot tell when he started to message me back every time, what caused that. But it happened at one point. One time when we talked on the phone and after like half an hour he had to go and he said that we will continue this conversation and he will call me later in the evening (and he said it like 3 times and I didn't even ask him to, he said it himself). And in the evening it was late and he actually texted me to say that he is not going to call me but that he hopes I fell good and wished me a good evening. He could have just not called. I don't get it.


His response to me asking why is he always asking stuff and wants to know everything was "I just wanna know" or "I'm curious". And after that when we talked on the phone and I had texted him that "you're a good friend" message, I felt like he had thought about it and that's when he told me that it's just his working method... ummm. And two days later when we met the whole teasing/flirting thing happened.

And the very last time, after I invited him to that event, when we met he totally pretended like nothing had happened and just asked me how I'm doing and I said very good and that was it. Why did he ignore it completely? Didn't even ask me how it was.

And he usually has this huge smile on his face or a completely straight face (but I feel like he is controlling his emotions). He also has a straight face when he is teasing me and he's waiting for my response. And he also had a straight face (but I felt like he is controlling it) when he saw that I was nervous that time the whole flirting happened. And when he asked me or told me that he thinks I'm shy because of him, he had a sneaky smile on his face. And I've seen him with other colleges and he's not flirty with them, he is just kind and he doesn't have the shiny eyes or the huge smile. Another thing is that I've heard him laugh out loud with colleagues but with me he is trying to control his laughter so it's not that loud. He often leaned in when we talked. He also remembers the tiniest details I've told him about myself or what I liked or didn't like but he always forgets all kinds of practical things etc. But he often promises something that I didn't even ask for and then doesn't do it (like the phone call).
He often tries to find out things through kind of manipulating (not in a bad way) with words etc. For example, when we talked about feeling of loneliness or feeling alone, he said that it will change when "you find your.... other... half" and waited for my reaction. And this was early on. At first I took it as him saying that he's not interested but then I realized that he just wanted to know if I have someone. And when I was telling him about my best friend, he asked if that's the guy from my pictures (he had checked them out and kind of gave it away). And two times when I accidentally mentioned other guys, his face changed to serious both times. It's hard to explain but the sudden change was visible. Why?
I don't know but these things kind of made me think he is not actually gay.

And two weeks passed after the time he flirted with me and the last time we met when we didn't talk abut anything personal. That's why I'm worried he has lost interest and maybe has a new one. I think I ruined it IF he liked me

 

[strangecat]

Could it be that he's pulling back and got put off by me inviting him? Even if he was interested before, it put him off when he noticed that I'm interested?
Is there any way for me to fix this now? Maybe I should just let it go.

 

[Starry]

I don't know how to quote parts of your post. But thank you so much for helping me.

But him being gay was one of the first things I thought of. How could I tell without asking him? He has many female friends and I don't know if he has any close male friends. But it might be because of his occupation. He is also very religious. Could that play a part? And he is my teacher but we are adults, sooo...

Thank you for allowing me to help. Wow...this is a bit challenging to me because again...I recognize all the building materials but the design is very different to me. I mean, this is so/sx construction as well as triple positive outlook I'm assuming but there's a unique influence here that you will want to uncover ((I'm just now realizing I no longer know what your ultimate objective here is since you deleted your posts. I mean I understand that you are trying to ascertain whether or not he is romantically interested in you but what I can't remember is if this is because you are romantically interested in him and view him as a potential partner. I think that's what it is...and so what I'm saying is there's something *there* that figures prominently that you will want to know about))...like *gay*.

So what I'm thinking is...just ask him outright about it quite casually...seeing he was the individual that laid the "we must be COMPLETELY open and honest with each other no matter what ok promise?...and I want to know every tiny detail with regards to your existence" groundwork. With that kind of treaty in place I'm surprised it hasn't already been discussed to be honest. If someone said that to me with purpose like that...I'd be asking them all the tough questions starting with "Are you currently in a relationship?" Okay, actually...I'd just start with "Are you gay? I thought you were when I first met you but today I'm not so sure..." but you could ease your way into it with "Are you currently in a relationship?" (something like this).

EP 7s often have a strange quality in that they are often surrounded by people and cut-off/detached from people at the very same time. It is difficult to explain in spite of the fact I just spent a great deal of time trying to in a different thread. An ENFP male with a few close female friends makes sense to me. An ENFP male with many female friends and no male friends that you have heard of in equal amounts seems pretty gay to me. Also where you mentioned 'fangirling you' sounds pretty gay. An adult ENFP male standard model...that is not only old enough to be a teacher...they actually are a teacher...is going to have an understanding of his charm and what influence that has on female students and females in general (<-I totally forgot what point I was going to make with that but will leave it in...) Being very religious may play a prominent role in all of this if he believes homosexuality is the devils work...for sure. I just recently saw some poll that I thought was fairly credible showing that most devout Christians, Jews and Muslims still believe that homosexuality can actually be cured...so I would consider that.

I'll come back and answer more in a bit...

 

[Avocado]

Thank you for allowing me to help. Wow...this is a bit challenging to me because again...I recognize all the building materials but the design is very different to me. I mean, this is so/sx construction as well as triple positive outlook I'm assuming but there's a unique influence here that you will want to uncover ((I'm just now realizing I no longer know what your ultimate objective here is since you deleted you posts. I mean I understand that you are trying to ascertain whether or not he is romantically interested in you but what I can't remember is if this is because you are romantically interested in him and view him as a potential partner. I think that's what it is...and so what I'm saying is there's something *there* that figures prominently that you will want to know about))...like *gay*.

So what I'm thinking is...just ask him outright about it quite casually...seeing he was the individual that laid the "we must be COMPLETELY open and honest with each other no matter what ok promise?...and I want to know every tiny detail with regards to your existence" groundwork. With that kind of treaty in place I'm surprised it hasn't already been discussed to be honest. If someone said that to me with purpose like that...I'd be asking them all the tough questions starting with "Are you currently in a relationship?" Okay, actually...I'd just start with "Are you gay? I thought you were when I first met you but today I'm not so sure..." but you could ease your way into it with "Are you currently in a relationship?" (something like this).

EP 7s often have a strange quality in that they are often surrounded by people and cut-off/detached from people at the very same time. It is difficult to explain in spite of the fact I just spent a great deal of time trying to in a different thread. An ENFP male with a few close female friends makes sense to me. An ENFP male with many female friends and no male friends that you have heard of in equal amounts seems pretty gay to me. Also where you mentioned 'fangirling you' sounds pretty gay. An adult ENFP male standard model...that is not only old enough to be a teacher...they actually are a teacher...is going to have an understanding of his charm and what influence that has on female students and females in general (<-I totally forgot what point I was going to make with that but will leave it in...) Being very religious may play a prominent role in all of this if he believes homosexuality is the devils work...for sure. I just recently saw some poll that I thought was fairly credible showing that most devout Christians, Jews and Muslims still believe that homosexuality can actually be cured...so I would consider that.

I'll come back and answer more in a bit...

I have virtually all female friendly acquaintances (more than I can count) and only like, 3 male friendly acquaintances. I tend to get along better with females. I've felt attraction to females before, but I've had virtually no sex drive the last 5 years or so, except for fetishism over slowly shapeshifting into a red fox, which is a weird kink, I admit.

I have no real friends, and people think I'm an open book, but I have layers I still don't show people.

 

[Starry]

I have virtually all female friendly acquaintances (more than I can count) and only like, 3 male friendly acquaintances. I tend to get along better with females. I've felt attraction to females before, but I've had virtually no sex drive the last 5 years or so, except for fetishism over slowly shapeshifting into a red fox, which is a weird kink, I admit.

I have no real friends, and people think I'm an open book, but I have layers I still don't show people.

Yes, and I considered you when writing what I did...but you are in no way a standard model ENFP male and have a shitload of the "unique influences" I mentioned. Still, other than the red fox shapeshifting thing that you might want to consider keeping private between you and a future SO...your layers...which I acknowledge exist and wish you would bring those to the surface instead of this other stuff you are currently relying on...you are very predictable to me.

 

[Avocado]

Yes, and I considered you when writing what I did...but you are in no way a standard model ENFP male and have a shitload of the "unique influences" I mentioned. Still, other than the red fox shapeshifting thing that you might want to consider keeping private between you and a future SO...your layers...which I acknowledge exist and wish you would bring those to the surface instead of this other stuff you are currently relying on...you are very predictable to me.

It started as a fantasy to get away from the tight strictures placed on me when I was younger, then it became fetishy later on. I've become a very strange person.

 

[Starry]

And he is my teacher but we are adults, sooo...

^^He is your teacher and the two of you work together as well? As someone that has taught a variety of different courses to a variety of different age groups including higher learning I almost want to say that I think it is entirely inappropriate for him to be demonstrating romantic interest in you if that is what he is in fact doing. I don't understand the actual circumstances here though. Just please don't tell me that the setting here is a university you attend and are doing a work study in his department because I will become very... dramatic. It is really hard for me to envision a teacher-student scenario of any kind where grabbing and texting would be appropriate accompaniments. The other thing that would need to be considered here though is if what is being experienced as flirtation is actually a desire to encourage whatever potential he may see in you.

And he's not grabbing me that much. Just some delicate touches now and then. First time was when we hugged for the first time, after releasing the hug he took my hand into his hand and looked me in the eyes. Another time he randomly jumped up and touched my face. Another time also after releasing a hug, he grabbed my forearm and looked me in the eyes. And one of the last times when we were teasing each other and kind of flirting slightly, he randomly jumped up, came over and grabbed my forearm and also looked me in the eyes excitedly. And that same time, he also stood up and came over to me for a goodbye hug (I was the one who usually initiated the hug so this was surprising). I had dressed up and had somewhere to go after and he checked me out from top to bottom and told me that I looked good.

Okay, I get this now and you are right in that this behavior is different from what I described of the male ENFP I worked with whom was sx/so. What you describe is something I've noticed in so/sx ENFPs. All iNtuitive dominants can easily miss the moment as we experience time so differently but when it comes to one-on-one interactions this disconnection can be compounded for those that are also social doms because their purview has a tendency to spread them a little thinner. My ENFP so/sx friend has done this same thing to me since childhood and it is her trying to connect with me in the moment in a determined way that she will remember...and in a determined way that she then knows she is communicating what she wants to communicate...how much she cares.

I think you can feel certain that he certainly thinks rather highly of you.



*sorry for these short messages but this is the best of what I can do for now...

 

[Starry]

I've become a very strange person.

you wish. it's the only way this all makes sense isn't it? signing off on "strange person"...uniquely strange...then there's nothing left to concern yourself with.

 

[Avocado]

you wish. it's the only way this all makes sense isn't it? signing off on "strange person"...uniquely strange...then there's nothing left to concern yourself with.

I don't get it.