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[INFJ] You know you're an INFJ when...

Skyward

Badoom~
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,084
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
9w1
And random people sense that you are safe to talk to. If I had a dollar for every time someone just started talking to me out of the blue, I'd be a millionaire by now.

Not for me. I think most people assume that I'm something dangerous or over-weird. Just means the people that are willing to get past the first layer are more awesome. I've never had a flakey friend, or one of those friends you think you can trust with your life and then they backstab you.
 

Lightyear

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Jul 3, 2008
Messages
899
I've never had a flakey friend, or one of those friends you think you can trust with your life and then they backstab you.

Same here. I had to end friendships but these friends were not close enough for me to be seriously affected by that, they hadn't gotten to any deeper layers. For me to really entrust you with knowledge about the core of who I am you have to jump through many hoops and pass many little tests (a bit like Indiana Jones I suppose :newwink:), so someone who gets that far isn't just anyone, they have been screened well. And if you get to that level I would seriously fight for that friendship because you are very valuable to me.
 

Skyward

Badoom~
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,084
MBTI Type
infj
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9w1
Same here. I had to end friendships but these friends were not close enough for me to be seriously affected by that, they hadn't gotten to any deeper layers. For me to really entrust you with knowledge about the core of who I am you have to jump through many hoops and pass many little tests (a bit like Indiana Jones I suppose :newwink:), so someone who gets that far isn't just anyone, they have been screened well. And if you get to that level I would seriously fight for that friendship because you are very valuable to me.

The only problem is, proven in stories on this forum, that INFJs can be horribly strict with these, at least more strict than many other types. These strictures can also be quite odd to many so then the INFJ doesn't make sense to them, making them hurt even worse. Then it's compounded when the INFJ can't explain it, like there's some wall between thought and communication.

We use the most subjective, and foggy function, Ni* as our primary function without a strong objective backup until Ti is developed.


*Fi is subjective, but is directly fed by other objective functions, making it more objective than Ni, Si has a foundation on the objectivity of memory, and Ti uses facts
 

Lightyear

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Jul 3, 2008
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The only problem is, proven in stories on this forum, that INFJs can be horribly strict with these, at least more strict than many other types. These strictures can also be quite odd to many so then the INFJ doesn't make sense to them, making them hurt even worse. Then it's compounded when the INFJ can't explain it, like there's some wall between thought and communication.

We use the most subjective, and foggy function, Ni* as our primary function without a strong objective backup until Ti is developed.


*Fi is subjective, but is directly fed by other objective functions, making it more objective than Ni, Si has a foundation on the objectivity of memory, and Ti uses facts

But my experience is that I in general know from the beginning if someone is going to be a close friend. If I don't listen to that gut feeling or befriend someone anyway because our circumstances happen to draw us together these friendships don't last very long or don't go very deep or I end up being the one listening all the time while the other person doesn't have a clue who I really am even after many months or even years of friendship. So now I tend to avoid these kind "friendships" from developing in the first place.
 

Sarcasticus

Circus Maximus
Joined
May 3, 2008
Messages
1,037
MBTI Type
ENTP
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5w4
But my experience is that I in general know from the beginning if someone is going to be a close friend. If I don't listen to that gut feeling or befriend someone anyway because our circumstances happen to draw us together these friendships don't last very long or don't go very deep or I end up being the one listening all the time while the other person doesn't have a clue who I really am even after many months or even years of friendship. So now I tend to avoid these kind "friendships" from developing in the first place.

What do you think underlies the "gut" feeling about someone? Are you sensing that the potential friend is someone who's interested in getting to know the real you? Or that they're "deep" or empathetic?
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
I'm not really sure what it is, but I am very much the same. Even though I'm open to changing my mind about it, it usually bears out to be the way my first impression was for reasons that become evident later. Sometimes it's quickly assessing shared interests or communication styles. Sometimes it's recognizing that we are not equals in terms of what we have to offer or are getting out of the relationship. Too one-sided becomes a mentorship or a project to help someone. It takes a sense of both having something equal to give and both having the ability to receive the other person's assets appreciatively before a friendship can ensue. Sometimes it's just knowing what doesn't mesh or it's a feeling of someone being foreign or akin.

Some people you feel like you've known forever. I think that's having enough personality traits that jive to understand and feel understood. However, their character and their experiences shape the other factors that you get more to know about later. I've made errors in judgement based on the latter, but rarely on the former. A person may have the raw materials to be an incredible friend or SO but insecurity (usually resulting in poor communication skills, lack of confidence or character flaws) becomes more apparent only through time and a variety of shared experiences. Insecurity and its outgrowths are toxic to a good friendship.
 

Z Buck McFate

Pepperidge Farm remembers.
Joined
Aug 25, 2009
Messages
6,048
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sx/sp
When I bounce my ideas off of another person, it has to come back (their response) resembling my intended meaning. I’m forever bringing up the ‘people are like mirrors’ analogy, but it’s a helpful metaphor. If the reflection I get back from someone doesn’t look like me (if how they respond to what I say doesn’t closely match what I meant), I usually assume they don’t ‘get’ me: the stronger the resemblance, the stronger the gut feeling.

This is true for me anyway. Though I think most INFJs are particularly sensitive to being understood because- as Skyward wrote- there is definitely a sort of wall between thought and communication. Miscommunication abounds. We sorely crave at least a few people who understand us incredibly well; it reassures us that the ‘wall between thought and communication’ isn’t insurmountable. It's more true for some of us than others, but I think it's safe to say it's an issue for most INFJs.

I'm not really sure what it is, but I am very much the same. Even though I'm open to changing my mind about it, it usually bears out to be the way my first impression was for reasons that become evident later. Sometimes it's quickly assessing shared interests or communication styles. Sometimes it's recognizing that we are not equals in terms of what we have to offer or are getting out of the relationship. Too one-sided becomes a mentorship or a project to help someone. It takes a sense of both having something equal to give and both having the ability to receive the other person's assets appreciatively before a friendship can ensue. Sometimes it's just knowing what doesn't mesh or it's a feeling of someone being foreign or akin.

Yeah, there’s just something about the back and forth exchanges when dealing with a person- little red flags can appear here and there in their actions and words, practically from the moment we meet them. Ni really seems like some kind of echolocation for morality at times. I almost never invest too much into it right away, for the sake of fairness, but the first impressions are often reliable.
 
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Lightyear

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Jul 3, 2008
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899
What do you think underlies the "gut" feeling about someone? Are you sensing that the potential friend is someone who's interested in getting to know the real you? Or that they're "deep" or empathetic?

I think it has a lot to do with depth, is the other person interested in looking deeper, do they question and have original thoughts that make me smile? Also often if someone doesn't get my sense of humour I am immediately cautious, obviously they don't have to find everything I say hilarious but if I just get blank stares I am thinking, "We are not clicking here." They have to return the ball I am throwing to them in conversations, if they just let it drop I don't feel like we are getting anywhere. Also they should be interested in me to some degree, if they are just talking about themselves I am getting cautious immediately, I had enough of these one-sided friendships.

I have realised it has also a lot to do with character if I want someone to be my friend. All my alarm bells start ringing immediately if someone badmouths other people behind their back but acts friendly when he talks to them face-to-face. If you have bad, skewed morals or are a manipulative person I don't want you in my life but sincere kind-heartedness and generosity are highly attractive. Someone once wrote on this forum that one can have interesting friends, good friends and friends that are both, good and interesting. If you are interesting but a crook I might consider you an interesting specimen and watch you from a distance but no way in hell am I going to let you anywhere near my emotional core, if you are a good person but not very interesting to me you might become my friend but we might also misunderstand each other a lot and at some point the friendship might die, if you are both good and interesting I will do my best to make you interested in me and become my friend.
 

ElizaJane

New member
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Mar 21, 2010
Messages
79
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INFJ
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6w5
When I bounce my ideas off of another person, it has to come back (their response) resembling my intended meaning. I’m forever bringing up the ‘people are like mirrors’ analogy, but it’s a helpful metaphor. If the reflection I get back from someone doesn’t look like me (if how they respond to what I say doesn’t closely match what I meant), I usually assume they don’t ‘get’ me: the stronger the resemblance, the stronger the gut feeling.

This is true for me anyway. Though I think most INFJs are particularly sensitive to being understood because- as Skyward wrote- there is definitely a sort of wall between thought and communication. Miscommunication abounds. We sorely crave at least a few people who understand us incredibly well; it reassures us that the ‘wall between thought and communication’ isn’t insurmountable. It's more true for some of us than others, but I think it's safe to say it's an issue for most INFJs.

:cheers: This is dead on for me. When I was young, people would constantly misunderstand anything I had to say. And I didn't say much to begin with, so it was really frustrating. When I got into my teens, I journaled, spent a long time on important emails to friends, and really focused on communicating through writing. It helped me learn how to have clearer conversations with others — especially non Ns. I learned how to better lay pathways between my thoughts so people wouldn't get quite as confused at my jumping. :)
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
3,932
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6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Someone once wrote on this forum that one can have interesting friends, good friends and friends that are both, good and interesting.

Hey! I think that was me! :D though, if it was, my exact words were "nice and interesting" (my only real requirements.) But yeah, pretty much. ;)
 

ilovelurking

New member
Joined
Aug 10, 2009
Messages
156
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INFJ
You know you're INFJ when...

...one of the things you want to do in the morning is to bump this thread only to find out someone already did! :D
 

Tabula

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Joined
Jun 16, 2010
Messages
302
MBTI Type
IxFx
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I apologize for the forthcoming massive wall of text. But…

Oh, my! After a marathon thread read, the similarities are so uncanny! Even the specific ones.

Speaking of which, and this may be one far too specific and personal to be something common among INFJs, but I need to know. When I was perhaps 3 or so, I came to believe that I had latent "magical powers." I truly thought that I was going to fully come into them on my 12th birthday. I was so impatient, that each Christmas up to my 6th, I'd ask the mall Santa Claus if he would please convince God to allow me to receive all my magic powers early. I got a lot of these: :shock: I thought that I came from a different universe and was sent here to do something widely influential and special. Maybe I was just a really deluded, egocentric kid, or maybe everyone--regardless of type--thinks something like this to some degree, but here's the thing: I still have to beat this belief over the head with a Logic Stick; it's still there, albeit, assuming varying incarnations as I grow older.

I used to think I could read people's minds and communicate with trees. I spent hours in my front yard singing songs for them as well. I thought that when the wind'd blow through their branches, they were applauding my performance. I referred to the Dogwood tree in my front yard as my best friend. To this day, I've never cried so much and for so long as when my parents had to cut it down to make room for an addition to the house. I still feel I have a very strange connection with nature, particularly trees.

I'd always know what we were going to have for dinner that night. For example; "spaghetti" would randomly pop into my head while on my walk home from school. Also, I knew my mother was pregnant with my brother before she told anyone, and before any signs of it were evident. I distinctly remember being 5 years old, clutching her abdomen and exclaiming,"Hi! I can't wait to see you!" and her with a :shock: I also believed I communicated with dead people, even though I did not believe in an afterlife. As I've become older, I've tried to find ways to discredit these and other similar things. "Maybe I was told and didn't remember?" "Maybe I saw spaghetti sauce on the counter, made the connection unconsciously, and forget about it?" But I've never been able to come up with any definitive answers, and don't foresee that ever happening. Memories and interpretations of them become warped and dog-eared from handling and re-handling, consequently, diminishing clarity and confidence in truth of them as the years pass, regardless of strength of conviction in present rightness (which, admittedly, is probably a bit warped as well...)

As if I haven’t written too much already... :doh:

Do any of you all have a serious issue with reality? It’s not that I don’t understand how unrealistic and crazy these things sound, and in which specific ways they’re illogical, but for some reason, acknowledgment isn’t enough to completely eradicate the belief from my subconscious and translate the recognition of absurdity into the full, assimilated adoption of wholly and explicitly logical “beliefs.” (Yes, logic negates the need for the “belief,” but I hope you know what I mean…) It bleeds discreetly and unwittingly into everything about me, and only in retrospect, analyzing how I’m thinking and why, am I able to realize it for what it is. It’s...just..so..FRUSTRATING! :steam:


I feel like I’m a bunch of complete, and completely different personalities in one person and there’s no basis from which to assert, “this one is me, and that one isn’t because of X, Y, Z.” There’s no reason to value or pick one over any of the others.


Anyone...? :blush:

Edit: This is probably wrong. The first examples were all during childhood. Any really introverted kid with an active imagination could probably share some of those, or something similar. I think they are too specific, looking at it now. Hmm. I won't delete it. Ya know, in case someone feels the need to blackmail me later or something.
 

Random Ness

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Aug 17, 2010
Messages
270
^^^

I used to think I would get kidnapped and go on this magical adventure, like in many movies/books. It was so disappointing when I realized that would never happen. :(

I used to think every inanimate object was alive, and I felt bad for them when they were broken, and I talked to them, too. :shock:

I haven't displayed any psychic powers, I'm not that awesome. :laugh:

I think I'm the most depressed when my Ti functions. I usually try to ignore logic, but then it comes up and I realize how fucked up life is or how much I fuck my own life up. :doh:

Well, everyone has different traits, opposing traits, opposing beliefs, and sometimes you're on one end of the spectrum, and sometimes the other. :shrug:
 

Skyward

Badoom~
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Jul 3, 2008
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9w1
I do relate to personifying inanimate objects, but since my best friend growing up was an INTP (and videogames) I learned to effectively use Ti in a way other than pointing out all my fallacies and how crappy life is. It crops up, yes, but only if I find out about a mistake I made after the fact (I am OK with making mistakes at the time if there is time to correct them, and if there isnt I plan ahead to accomodate for what might happen because of the mistake).

Sometimes I 'think' I had a psychic experience, but they are so minor that they can be easily passed off as a coincidence. Such as thinking that someone will come down the stairs just a second before someone does, or someone saying what I was thinking ( Especially with friends! ) or in reverse, me saying something someone else was thinking (I am fairly impulsive, my mind is doesn't usually have a say in what comes out of my mouth.

@Random Ness: I understand the feeling of having 'multiple personalities.' I think its from absorbing personality traits from the people we are around and developing mental skills from situations in our life. I always talk to myself about my 'logic side' and my 'feeling side' and my 'serious side' and my 'goofy side' - they all exist at once, but feel separate, and express themselves depending on the situation. I think it is an enneagram 9 thing, and it really adds to my thought of 'my mind is a world unto its own.'

My memory is also pretty odd. Deja vu is when you recognize something but don't truly remember it, and I sense this quite often and thing that much of the time I -should- be remembering it because there are so many situations where one thing reminds me of another (and that connection may be totally lost on other people because it doesnt take a lot for me to find a connection) This aspect of me enjoys abstract art, and with the addition of Ti, well thought out, surreal Rudy (Ruby?) Goldberg Machines are fascinating.
 

Custard

New member
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Oct 19, 2010
Messages
3
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INFJ
I recall what I believe was my first time as councellor to strangers!!. As a 12yr old naive-as-you-like little girl (I was a young 12 too... ribbons in hair and everything) I regularly gave relationship advice to a 19yr old neighbour! SHE LISTENED told her friends then after that, whenever any of the local girls had issues they would come to me.. 'The 12yr old usually found playing with her dolly'

I think some sort of spiritual gate opened up. As from then until now, random complete strangers have always told me their life stories!
 

PsychAustin

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Nov 1, 2010
Messages
2
MBTI Type
INFJ
I was the same way when I was a kid. Back then I gave advice relentlessly and always found myself talking to my friends parents about anything, I found I had much more intellectual conversations with them and would easily get bored playing games with my buddies. I can give relationship and a lot of other advice like it's nothing but taking it is another story. I've heard so many stories from so many people at this point, I feel like I can tell what someone's going to tell me before they really do. I think this is the "psychic" ability that Infj's have, as the result of being so intuitively knowlegdable about what people are feeling for so long.
 

Mazaretti

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Oct 25, 2010
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8
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INFJ
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432
5 Revelations

Hi! Im new at the forum and reading this ”You know you're an INFJ when...” thread like crazy. I was intending to read it all and only then write something, but im currently on page 74 and its not even a half of it... :) But I have some revelations from myself and also some continuation of some thoughts I have read here so far. I have no idea if there is something like this past page 74, but you will understand me why Im posting this! :D
One thing what I realized is that if I wont stop canceling my efforts on things that are not yet as perfect as I would be wanting to achieve before releasing for others to see and judge – They just wont see the daylight at all!
So there are 5 revelations which are somewhat different and connected at the same time – I hope you like to read much.. :)

#1 of 5

All my time Im living in like a half-dream-and-half-reality. Its hard to connect with everything what is going on around me and that is the reason why I cant really recall some details of what someone told or what really happened at some moments in time except if its something Im really connected to/being enthusiastic about. But the interesting part of it is that if someone tells me what happened there at some moment of time where I also was at place – Im starting to recall some details too.. And even if he tries to tell me something what didnt actually happen – I will be able to tell it if he lies or at least something feels wrong.. So its a daydreaming messing with me.. But the most interesting thing is that my night dreams usually are very vivid and lot of times they even messing with my real memories – its like I cant really remember if something happened for real or in my dream.. I can recall one really good and freaky example:

One time I was talking with one friend who I didnt know really well at that time.. He told me that his grandpa has recently died and that he must go to the funeral to his home country.. I was sitting and showing no surprise at all and said to him: ”Hmm? Didnt you tell me that the last week already?” That was because I was really confident about it, that I remember exactly the situation and words he said about it.. Then he was also surprised.. I mean – how often your only grandpa dies and has the funeral and you must travel outside the country? Then I was a bit confused and started to think if I havent dreamt this at some time...

Actually things like these is happening time by time through my life.. And its freaky that I somehow cant trust some things because I cant tell firmly if some of them are really happened or arent happened yet?
 

Mazaretti

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Oct 25, 2010
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#2 of 5

All my life I cant really experience a boredom. The reason is that further Im moving through my life, more interests I found and more questions keeps finding me. There are many things Im interested which Im enthusiastic about and abilities or knowledge I would like to acquire – and they are so different, in different fields... The truth is I cant get or do everything especially if one day holds ONLY 24h... :) (I wish there was more or I shouldn't go to sleep and eat... which consumes a lot of useful time) So the only thing is to focus on something that is really important to me. The hardest thing actually is to find what do I really want to do or know... To set the priorities.. Because there are lot of interests I just cant throw away.. So Im jumping from one priority to other all the time and the interesting part is that those priorities changes if I find some inspiration for one of them. If that happens, Im really focused just on that and cannot do pretty much anything else – at least not at good level.. So my abilities and knowledge about things are constantly growing, but just one by one... So if one person only has single biggest interest which he develops through his life – he will grow in that field much faster than me if I had his interest as one of many of mine.. That means I would remain with a feeling that I cant be the best of something anywhere If Im continuing with growing also other interests of mine...

Also if Im choosing one field – I always find more and more questions to be answered and realizing that there are actually many other sub-fields in this field... Truth is that even to smallest field/interest you can think of it is possible to dedicate all your life to....
 

Mazaretti

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Oct 25, 2010
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#3 of 5

Everywhere I go, everything I find – Im just getting more and more new questions I want to answer or at least I have the necessity to do that. So most of the time Im harvesting the information about something, generating new questions in my head, but sometimes its too much that I fell very overwhelmed and cant really focus on the stuff I have to do in my school or work. So there are currently two phases of that –
1.the information harvesting and question generating phase;
2.the processing and conclusion making phase. And this phase happens when I can completely relax and free my mind. Then my head finally somehow becomes clear and starts processing all the information like crazy machine. And then one by one Im getting answers to some random questions which has been asked recently or a long time ago. The answers are falling like from conveyor belt and then the only reasonable thing is to write them down somewhere...

The saddest thing is that these moments does not happen very often.. And currently Im thinking thats because there are not so much times when I can relax.. I hate that since the harvesting time happens mostly – I cant be very productive and efficient to other people in group-works for example. If there was a way to quickly switch between these two modes manually – I would really save some time and be much more efficient to everybody and especially to myself..
 
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