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Thread: You know you're an INFJ when...

  1. #361
    Senior Member Array Dwigie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ByMySword View Post
    So I was talking to a friend of mine (Metamorphosis) and we were talking about the motivations of INFJs.

    Earlier I pointed out that I notice (at least in myself) selfish motives for helping people and the like. It seemed I was the odd one out.

    lol, now I think part of that maybe some of us don't like to delve that far into ourselves to find something that could be perceived as negative, but I've never thought of it as necessarily negative, and after I talked to my friend I was even more sure of it.

    From what we could gather, INFJs are motivated by values moreso than actually caring about the individual.

    So hypothetically, when helping someone we have no emotional connection to, its not because we really care about their welfare as much as it is we want to make sure that we are upholding the values of helping someone. The person we're helping gets helped, and we get the personal satisfaction of knowing we upheld our own values.

    So this is what I was saying about selfish motivations. I didn't mean it as a bad thing, and I don't think its wrong to feel good about yourself for upholding your values.

    Can anyone identify with this?
    + 5
    !!! I mean most of us don't think we're angels, it's probably for that reason too . I do like to help people, it makes me sad to see them sad, so in a way relieving them if possible relieves me too emotion-wise.
    If I wasn't affected by them I don't think I'd lift a finger. You're completely right, concerning my case that is.

    I remember having that dilemma last year and wondering :
    Do my gestures of kindness come from "the heart" or are they simply "principles" I try to follow?
    If they did I should feel good about helping all the people I have so far in my life but I don't." Of course it's not like we never have any emotional connection, sometimes it does "move" us and not just our "principles".
    I concluded I was actually pretty "self-interested" in that way underneath it all...it kind of disappointed me at first but I got over it, Psht I'm not Jesus , I'm a human being. (But maybe that's just you being mature and honest with yourself?..wait how old are you?(Sometimes it feels wrong talking this way to someone over 30 )
    That's why some descriptions making us seem like goodhearted angels are a bunch of bs., in my opinion.
    Sometimes I feel like I'm "on Mercury"-

  2. #362
    Senior Member Array MrRandom's Avatar
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    - You have a natural connection with animals. You might occasionally feel that you more readily like animals than humans.

    Or maybe it's just me...

  3. #363
    Senior Member Array Dwigie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrRandom View Post
    - You have a natural connection with animals. You might occasionally feel that you more readily like animals than humans.

    Or maybe it's just me...
    ...I think like an animal (But I attribute that to the enneagram 6 "selfpreserving" mentality) I love them, they hate me.
    Sometimes I feel like I'm "on Mercury"-

  4. #364
    ByMySword
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dwigie View Post
    Of course it's not like we never have any emotional connection, sometimes it does "move" us and not just our "principles".
    Of course we do sometimes. Especially with the people we care about, i.e. friends, family.

    I concluded I was actually pretty "self-interested" in that way underneath it all...it kind of disappointed me at first but I got over it, Psht I'm not Jesus , I'm a human being. (But maybe that's just you being mature and honest with yourself?..wait how old are you?(Sometimes it feels wrong talking this way to someone over 30 )
    I'm 21. And I agree, we're not perfect. But we have to be mature enough to admit what could come across as a negative trait, but really isn't in light of things.

    My principles are what define me. If I don't back them up with action, then who am I?

    Sure, I helped someone and thats fine and grand, but if I had to weigh what its really about, its about self preservation.

    And because of it, there is a mutual benefit, so who cares if it was from the "heart" or not? Your principles and values come from the "heart", so that should be good enough.

  5. #365
    Senior Mugwump Array Apollanaut's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gloomy-optimist View Post
    I get this deal where I'll get really stressed way too easy, and things go downhill from there. I'm a wonderful picture of the ideal INFJ....in a stress-free environment where I have all the time in the world and a dream to move towards.
    Otherwise, I can be overly shy in new situations; I can be very irritable to people I know well, which is really kind of bad because they notice I'm courteous to people I don't know well. I just feel more comfortable around my friends so they have to hear my wrath.
    Not to mention I can be selfish, unmotivated, spacey, unable to sort my priorities, etc. etc. And I'm not afraid to admit it: I can be a real bitch if you catch me at the wrong time.
    And then I can also be very self-absorbed because I want to understand myself better (or understand myself period)...and I get lost in that sometimes.
    Oh that so goes for me too! On a bad day, I can give off a sort of festering irritability that keeps others unsure how to deal with me.
    INFJ 9w1 sx/sp/so

    "A wizard is never late. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to." - Gandalf The Grey

    And if I only could,
    I'd make a deal with God,
    And I'd get him to swap our places,
    Be running up that road,
    Be running up that hill,
    With no problems.

    - Kate Bush

  6. #366

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    Quote Originally Posted by ByMySword

    Quote Originally Posted by Dwigie
    Maybe that's why people think we're angels.
    Yeah, whats up with that?
    I think its because we hold them up to higher standards? I do anways, I always want people to act like me (hahaha that didnt sound narcissistic )


    Quote Originally Posted by Kyrielle View Post
    I do hate giving up, because I know I'll get it next time!
    Haha u sound like a gambler!

  7. #367

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    Quote Originally Posted by ByMySword View Post
    So I was talking to a friend of mine (Metamorphosis) and we were talking about the motivations of INFJs.

    Earlier I pointed out that I notice (at least in myself) selfish motives for helping people and the like. It seemed I was the odd one out.

    lol, now I think part of that maybe some of us don't like to delve that far into ourselves to find something that could be perceived as negative, but I've never thought of it as necessarily negative, and after I talked to my friend I was even more sure of it.

    From what we could gather, INFJs are motivated by values moreso than actually caring about the individual.

    So hypothetically, when helping someone we have no emotional connection to, its not because we really care about their welfare as much as it is we want to make sure that we are upholding the values of helping someone. The person we're helping gets helped, and we get the personal satisfaction of knowing we upheld our own values.

    So this is what I was saying about selfish motivations. I didn't mean it as a bad thing, and I don't think its wrong to feel good about yourself for upholding your values.

    Can anyone identify with this?
    I'm with you 110% here. I've had to think about this a bit recently for various reasons. I came to the conclusion that my value of helping people may give me some personal satisfaction but it's also my motivation for helping people. So it serves a good purpose I think.

  8. #368
    Senior Member Array Dwigie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ByMySword View Post
    Of course we do sometimes. Especially with the people we care about, i.e. friends, family.



    I'm 21. And I agree, we're not perfect. But we have to be mature enough to admit what could come across as a negative trait, but really isn't in light of things.

    My principles are what define me. If I don't back them up with action, then who am I?

    Sure, I helped someone and thats fine and grand, but if I had to weigh what its really about, its about self preservation.

    And because of it, there is a mutual benefit, so who cares if it was from the "heart" or not? Your principles and values come from the "heart", so that should be good enough.
    Yeah but it's just that I used to try and be selfless before, because I admired that "trait" then I realized it was impossible to be completely selfless.
    I'm pretty much all or nothing in my view of things usually. Rarely any in betweens.
    I was mixing up generosity and selflessness which is unhealthy in the long run because I kept little for myself and felt guilty for doing so then resented people when it didn't go the other way around o.O= dumb kid, thank god I grew out of that. I've always had trouble defining boundaries as a kid, and sometimes even now.) Basically I started having more realistic expectations for myself and I became happier.
    Sometimes I feel like I'm "on Mercury"-

  9. #369
    Senior Member Array batumi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Apollanaut View Post
    Your life is ruled by strange coincidences (I'll shut up for a while now - I don't want to hog this thread!)
    Yes. Thank you!!!

  10. #370
    ByMySword
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dwigie View Post
    I'm pretty much all or nothing in my view of things usually. Rarely any in betweens.
    I too am like this. It can be an issue sometimes as I feel everything in moderation is the best philosophy. I try my best to avoid the extremes, but its hard for me sometimes.

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