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Thread: You know you're an INFJ when...

  1. #2241
    Badoom~ Array Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lillyofthevalley View Post
    And random people sense that you are safe to talk to. If I had a dollar for every time someone just started talking to me out of the blue, I'd be a millionaire by now.
    Not for me. I think most people assume that I'm something dangerous or over-weird. Just means the people that are willing to get past the first layer are more awesome. I've never had a flakey friend, or one of those friends you think you can trust with your life and then they backstab you.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  2. #2242

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    Quote Originally Posted by Skyward View Post
    I've never had a flakey friend, or one of those friends you think you can trust with your life and then they backstab you.
    Same here. I had to end friendships but these friends were not close enough for me to be seriously affected by that, they hadn't gotten to any deeper layers. For me to really entrust you with knowledge about the core of who I am you have to jump through many hoops and pass many little tests (a bit like Indiana Jones I suppose ), so someone who gets that far isn't just anyone, they have been screened well. And if you get to that level I would seriously fight for that friendship because you are very valuable to me.

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    Badoom~ Array Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    Same here. I had to end friendships but these friends were not close enough for me to be seriously affected by that, they hadn't gotten to any deeper layers. For me to really entrust you with knowledge about the core of who I am you have to jump through many hoops and pass many little tests (a bit like Indiana Jones I suppose ), so someone who gets that far isn't just anyone, they have been screened well. And if you get to that level I would seriously fight for that friendship because you are very valuable to me.
    The only problem is, proven in stories on this forum, that INFJs can be horribly strict with these, at least more strict than many other types. These strictures can also be quite odd to many so then the INFJ doesn't make sense to them, making them hurt even worse. Then it's compounded when the INFJ can't explain it, like there's some wall between thought and communication.

    We use the most subjective, and foggy function, Ni* as our primary function without a strong objective backup until Ti is developed.


    *Fi is subjective, but is directly fed by other objective functions, making it more objective than Ni, Si has a foundation on the objectivity of memory, and Ti uses facts
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  4. #2244

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    Quote Originally Posted by Skyward View Post
    The only problem is, proven in stories on this forum, that INFJs can be horribly strict with these, at least more strict than many other types. These strictures can also be quite odd to many so then the INFJ doesn't make sense to them, making them hurt even worse. Then it's compounded when the INFJ can't explain it, like there's some wall between thought and communication.

    We use the most subjective, and foggy function, Ni* as our primary function without a strong objective backup until Ti is developed.


    *Fi is subjective, but is directly fed by other objective functions, making it more objective than Ni, Si has a foundation on the objectivity of memory, and Ti uses facts
    But my experience is that I in general know from the beginning if someone is going to be a close friend. If I don't listen to that gut feeling or befriend someone anyway because our circumstances happen to draw us together these friendships don't last very long or don't go very deep or I end up being the one listening all the time while the other person doesn't have a clue who I really am even after many months or even years of friendship. So now I tend to avoid these kind "friendships" from developing in the first place.

  5. #2245
    Circus Maximus Array Sarcasticus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    But my experience is that I in general know from the beginning if someone is going to be a close friend. If I don't listen to that gut feeling or befriend someone anyway because our circumstances happen to draw us together these friendships don't last very long or don't go very deep or I end up being the one listening all the time while the other person doesn't have a clue who I really am even after many months or even years of friendship. So now I tend to avoid these kind "friendships" from developing in the first place.
    What do you think underlies the "gut" feeling about someone? Are you sensing that the potential friend is someone who's interested in getting to know the real you? Or that they're "deep" or empathetic?

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    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    I'm not really sure what it is, but I am very much the same. Even though I'm open to changing my mind about it, it usually bears out to be the way my first impression was for reasons that become evident later. Sometimes it's quickly assessing shared interests or communication styles. Sometimes it's recognizing that we are not equals in terms of what we have to offer or are getting out of the relationship. Too one-sided becomes a mentorship or a project to help someone. It takes a sense of both having something equal to give and both having the ability to receive the other person's assets appreciatively before a friendship can ensue. Sometimes it's just knowing what doesn't mesh or it's a feeling of someone being foreign or akin.

    Some people you feel like you've known forever. I think that's having enough personality traits that jive to understand and feel understood. However, their character and their experiences shape the other factors that you get more to know about later. I've made errors in judgement based on the latter, but rarely on the former. A person may have the raw materials to be an incredible friend or SO but insecurity (usually resulting in poor communication skills, lack of confidence or character flaws) becomes more apparent only through time and a variety of shared experiences. Insecurity and its outgrowths are toxic to a good friendship.

  7. #2247
    wants Mifune clone minion Array Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    When I bounce my ideas off of another person, it has to come back (their response) resembling my intended meaning. I’m forever bringing up the ‘people are like mirrors’ analogy, but it’s a helpful metaphor. If the reflection I get back from someone doesn’t look like me (if how they respond to what I say doesn’t closely match what I meant), I usually assume they don’t ‘get’ me: the stronger the resemblance, the stronger the gut feeling.

    This is true for me anyway. Though I think most INFJs are particularly sensitive to being understood because- as Skyward wrote- there is definitely a sort of wall between thought and communication. Miscommunication abounds. We sorely crave at least a few people who understand us incredibly well; it reassures us that the ‘wall between thought and communication’ isn’t insurmountable. It's more true for some of us than others, but I think it's safe to say it's an issue for most INFJs.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I'm not really sure what it is, but I am very much the same. Even though I'm open to changing my mind about it, it usually bears out to be the way my first impression was for reasons that become evident later. Sometimes it's quickly assessing shared interests or communication styles. Sometimes it's recognizing that we are not equals in terms of what we have to offer or are getting out of the relationship. Too one-sided becomes a mentorship or a project to help someone. It takes a sense of both having something equal to give and both having the ability to receive the other person's assets appreciatively before a friendship can ensue. Sometimes it's just knowing what doesn't mesh or it's a feeling of someone being foreign or akin.
    Yeah, there’s just something about the back and forth exchanges when dealing with a person- little red flags can appear here and there in their actions and words, practically from the moment we meet them. Ni really seems like some kind of echolocation for morality at times. I almost never invest too much into it right away, for the sake of fairness, but the first impressions are often reliable.
    Last edited by fidelia; 06-18-2010 at 03:51 PM. Reason: Fixed my bad grammar
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  8. #2248

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarcasticus View Post
    What do you think underlies the "gut" feeling about someone? Are you sensing that the potential friend is someone who's interested in getting to know the real you? Or that they're "deep" or empathetic?
    I think it has a lot to do with depth, is the other person interested in looking deeper, do they question and have original thoughts that make me smile? Also often if someone doesn't get my sense of humour I am immediately cautious, obviously they don't have to find everything I say hilarious but if I just get blank stares I am thinking, "We are not clicking here." They have to return the ball I am throwing to them in conversations, if they just let it drop I don't feel like we are getting anywhere. Also they should be interested in me to some degree, if they are just talking about themselves I am getting cautious immediately, I had enough of these one-sided friendships.

    I have realised it has also a lot to do with character if I want someone to be my friend. All my alarm bells start ringing immediately if someone badmouths other people behind their back but acts friendly when he talks to them face-to-face. If you have bad, skewed morals or are a manipulative person I don't want you in my life but sincere kind-heartedness and generosity are highly attractive. Someone once wrote on this forum that one can have interesting friends, good friends and friends that are both, good and interesting. If you are interesting but a crook I might consider you an interesting specimen and watch you from a distance but no way in hell am I going to let you anywhere near my emotional core, if you are a good person but not very interesting to me you might become my friend but we might also misunderstand each other a lot and at some point the friendship might die, if you are both good and interesting I will do my best to make you interested in me and become my friend.

  9. #2249
    Member Array ElizaJane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    When I bounce my ideas off of another person, it has to come back (their response) resembling my intended meaning. I’m forever bringing up the ‘people are like mirrors’ analogy, but it’s a helpful metaphor. If the reflection I get back from someone doesn’t look like me (if how they respond to what I say doesn’t closely match what I meant), I usually assume they don’t ‘get’ me: the stronger the resemblance, the stronger the gut feeling.

    This is true for me anyway. Though I think most INFJs are particularly sensitive to being understood because- as Skyward wrote- there is definitely a sort of wall between thought and communication. Miscommunication abounds. We sorely crave at least a few people who understand us incredibly well; it reassures us that the ‘wall between thought and communication’ isn’t insurmountable. It's more true for some of us than others, but I think it's safe to say it's an issue for most INFJs.
    This is dead on for me. When I was young, people would constantly misunderstand anything I had to say. And I didn't say much to begin with, so it was really frustrating. When I got into my teens, I journaled, spent a long time on important emails to friends, and really focused on communicating through writing. It helped me learn how to have clearer conversations with others — especially non Ns. I learned how to better lay pathways between my thoughts so people wouldn't get quite as confused at my jumping.

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    Dali
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    Bumpity-bump!

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