I am wondering if my curious nature is just that aspect of my Ti that comes out to play when things get rough.
Is it the Ti in conjunction on an abstract level of awareness with Ni that turns everything into a puzzle to figure out and solve and learn the angles so I can "win" at it? I do this with EV-ER-Y thing now! I didnt used to do this even as early as 6 or so years ago... now its like everything gets put into a small system and I learn its components and how this thing effects that thing, a very big picture way of looking at it, but its all very abstract and its not entirely clear. Its mostly an intuitive understanding of it.
It almost makes me feel like a goof boy, in bad boys clothing trying to accomplish good things...
I want money, control, and security over my life. It is not in my nature to want these things other then the fact that they are valuable to others in that as tools they can provide a method to live life freer of pain because its double down in comfort.
I dont give a shit about possessions... I could be a homeless wanderer and be happy with that, but there is that aspect of me that greatly desires to fall deeply head over heels in love with someone and to produce a family and completely give myself over as a devoted father and husband, to me thats the best I can do with my life, I know its not really that extravagant or anything but its what I aspire to be... now the funny part is how I have gotten to where I am so close to what I want.
I refuse to work a 9 to 5 job the rest of my life and lose 1000000s of hours away from my loved ones toiling away, not gonna be me... hence the money/security. I need to be able to control my time and schedule, I want to spend it with the people that have meaning for me.
So I figured out the quickest way to get to what I want,that crazy Ti maybe again, putting everything into a system looking at possibilities and boom I follow through.
The stuff I do isnt always ethical, its highly wrong in some instances and it carries great risk, but the rewards I think would be worth it. I am kind of all or nothing in general, its a pretty absurd way to be, but lord how I love to make dramatic exits and such. Much rather burn out then fade away.
Most of my goals get loftier and grander after the building of a family (heart) I want to open shelters in Thailand and Cambodia for battered women and children in the sex ring teach them lucrative skills.
This is all shit thats tossed together in some grand plan I been hatching since I was a teenager. Is that kind of long term strategic planning Ti? what the hell is that? Its getting stronger in me like crazy as I enter my 30s.