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  1. #31
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    I don't think he's punishing himself. In some cases, it's "not cool" or a burden to bring food with you to school. And why beg someone to eat if they don't want to? People have to learn their own good habits.

  2. #32
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I agree with what L4BIU says, though experience tells me you still need to calm the emotional storm before you can even have any chance at all of reaching Fe types, before they're even receptive to any advice or criticism. I've learned the hard way that trying to tell it straight to an Fe type when they're in that sorta frame of mind (panicking, highly anxious, stressed etc) tends to only result in them yelling and accusing you of being against them, they magnify and twist whatever you say to sound like you're attacking them.

    You've still gotta do a hella lotta ego stroking and soothing and stuff before you can say, even in the gentlest tones, what amounts to "You screwed up, you've only yourself to blame, quit blaming others and pull your socks up, boy!"

    Then again experience also tells me that there's nothing you can do to stop kids from screwing up. You can't put an old head on young shoulders, etc...
    I agree. Sometimes it's not a matter of them screwing up.
    It's just a matter of that the way they're thinking isn't helpful.

  3. #33
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    yeah Cze, I don't eat anything usually 'til about 1pm, have been that way since childhood and it never did me any harm lol

    very rarely, if I've got a slow, lazy morning in, I might have coffee and some honey on toast, but not 'til I've already been awake and had my first coffee at least an hour ago.

    Otherwise it's just the coffee that keeps me going 'til lunch.

    I wouldn't fret too much about breakfast INTJMom, honestly... no big deal... and Pink's right, if he feels you're 'making' him do something, he'll kick against it all the more. Remember one of the main points of the teenagers' creed: do that of which thy parents disapprove, do nothing which they command if thou canst help it
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  4. #34
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    I can kinda indentify with your son here. I am not and never was a morning person and 7am can be an unholy hour for a teenager with hormones rushing through their bodies. I know when I was a teen, I often felt frazzled and rushed in the morning and I had no desire to eat. I'm sure I was hungry, but I just couldn't register the hunger because I was so occupied by other things (irritation, anxiety, etc.). My parents would make me eat sometimes and I was like NO.

    If your son normally does eat breakfast, perhaps he felt so tense about possibly being late and all that he lost his appetite?

    I know this is about the larger problem, but specifically about "eating when you should" -- I know for me, if I turn down breakfast and then I smell a delicious breakfast cooking and/or see people eating in front of me, that can make me want to eat. Or if I take a first bite, then I'll want to eat.

    I don't really do breakfast bars though. Or milk.

    So maybe for the larger issue of "being led to water, but can't make them drink" you can slightly change the water around to make it more palatable?

    Or if he's really into being valedictorian, showing him how eating a healthy breakfast helps improve school performance? I'm sure there's stuff like that on the net because that argument is the basis for 'free school lunch/breakfast' programs. Or that *not* eating regularly is correlated with poor performance in school.

    Maybe that would make him at least grudgingly do things that are good for him?
    I don't know. That's not what I thought it was.
    I will have to see if I can ask him when he's rational, if he even wants to talk about it.

  5. #35
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    You're being very patient, Mom.
    Thanks, Luv.

  6. #36
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    typical teenager..I'm one too, but I'm just saying it may not JUST be because of his MBTI type, which ONLY ALWAYS counts for less then half of our personality, but rather that he's just a teenager. it's what we do sometimes.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  7. #37
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Upgraded to Personal Threads. (I'll leave an expiring link.)

  8. #38
    Senior Member Hexis's Avatar
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    My mother use to always try to push breakfest on me and normally I did eat it so when I didnt I guess it could have been strange.

    But if I didnt eat it was because I wasnt hungry, not some obscure masocistic punishing myself thing. And if hes an INFJ, or at least an NF I highly doubt (as in i dont believe it would ever happen) that he felt guilty for wakeing up late, and punished himself by not eating breakfest.

    Oh and I do have a son, hes only 7 months old so not as old as yours. But once hes in school I will of course push breakfeast on him but if he where to not eat it I could care less, he wont die from a lack of food for 5 hours...
    SDMF

  9. #39
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithSoul View Post
    typical teenager..I'm one too, but I'm just saying it may not JUST be because of his MBTI type, which ONLY ALWAYS counts for less then half of our personality, but rather that he's just a teenager. it's what we do sometimes.
    Yeah, I hear ya, but he's been doing this since he was two.

  10. #40
    Senior Member ArbiterDewey's Avatar
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    Personally I hate all things breakfast, especially deserts passed off as "breakfast." (donuts, pancakes) My grandparents tried to shove it down me every morning all through school. Some times I didn't mind, other times, I was completely on the defensive (especially if it contained eggs...)

    Anyways, if this is a consistent problem and it rooted from him waking up late, try setting your alarm and waking him if he oversleeps. If he hates being woken up, find out why. It took my grandmother at least 13 years to understand I hate being woken by flipping on a light first thing. You want me woken up pissed, click on a light when trying to wake me.

    It seems like, if your assessment is correct, that he suffers from all-or-nothing thinking. Ex: If I wake up on time, then I can eat breakfast, get to school on time, and get to class, OR if I wake up late, then I have no time for breakfast, which, if I do eat it, will make me even later to school and class. I'm actually working to correct this in myself. This paired with perfectionism (me too) is very much like punishing yourself, especially when you set unreasonable expectations such as "I must make it to school early/on time EVERY day." It's just not gonna happen. My specific case is that I'd set expectations for others and never tell them about it, so, when they'd inevitably fail, I'd become disappointed. Because of this I'd never allow people to set expectations of me, answering questions like, "When will you be there?" with, "Sometime around 8," instead of "Eight."

    Don't know if this is terribly insightful/helpful, but here it is.
    Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
    --Isaac Asimov, Salvor Hardin in "Foundation"

    Nothing is worse than active ignorance.
    --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

    Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
    --Isaac Asimov

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