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  1. #1
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    Default INFP disappearing acts.

    How many INFP's go on a mini hermit hiatus, every now and then?

    I have a bad habit of dropping off the face of the planet, only to reemerge as if nothing happened. I love my friends, but sometimes being social gets to be a bit too exhausting and I take a month or so to not-talk-to-anyone. Eventually, I feel like shit for blowing people off, and pop back n the social scene.

    There are those who understand (other introverts, or NF's) to the fullest extent possible.
    Other people who don't understand either get hurt, pissed, or feel as though I don't value their friendship. And I feel horrible, because even though I get hermit-ish, its because I need to realign my headspace, not from lack of love.

    I guess its the idealist in me, but I don't see why I can't pick up where I left off. as i've gotten older, I've tried harder to maintain my friendships. There's a few people that I care about dearly that have dropped me completely, and while it hurts quite terribly, I DO understand what an unreliable flake I've been over the past few years.

    Any others who have the same issue? Any other type's who've had problems with my type doing this? Feedback would be helpful.

    (I've rushed through this, typing rather fast. I hope my writing makes sense.)



    Much love.

  2. #2
    jump sleuthiness's Avatar
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    Yes, I frequently play the part of hermit. Day and night, night and day, and most of whatever is inbetween.

    What do you mean by "blowing people off"?

    My best friends are those who have similar desires to remain at a distance to develop ideas so that when we do see each other, hanging out is fun and/or intellectually stimulating. Most time is spent with an INTJ, an INFJ and a few INTPs. We are comfortable with not seeing each other for longer stretches.

    Maybe you need to look for other hermits.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Dwigie's Avatar
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    I tend to do that too, one party a month is more than enough for me .
    But really, it's not limited to INFPs, I think it's just an introversion trait?Not entirely sure. My friend is supposedly ISFP, so you know we understand each other, other people don't really, like me extroverted sister who is too "energetic?" for me.
    Sometimes I feel like I'm "on Mercury"-

  4. #4
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    Sometimes I get "in the zone" as I like to call it, and I completely blank out for a period of time..isolated from every centimeter of the outside world..It really soothes all of my problems, whether it be when I read, listen to music, sit and stare, or whatever.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  5. #5
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by ixquic_creation View Post
    I don't see why I can't pick up where I left off.
    Yeah, this is a question I'd like to be answered. Why do people think that absence means that I don't care about them? If I am gone for a month (even if it means I am not physically gone) why should that change anything?

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by candylandjoe View Post

    What do you mean by "blowing people off"?
    Blowing people off means... not calling, not going to parties, not taking, ect.

  7. #7
    jump sleuthiness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ixquic_creation View Post
    Blowing people off means... not calling, not going to parties, not taking, ect.
    Re-evaluate your friendships, I guess. Maybe there are too many people calling for you to handle.

  8. #8
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    I don't disappear IRL, but online I feel the urge to disappear a lot. It's because being "on call" socially often proves to be too burdensome for me. Sometimes I don't want to be available.

  9. #9
    Senior Member SuperFob's Avatar
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    INFJ's like me seem kinda prone to those disappearing acts, too. We're known to alienate everyone we know during tough/stressful times. I definitely do that. I can sometimes go for weeks avoiding everyone I know if my mind isn't in the right place.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    About once every three months I get on the computer, find a place I'd like to go, usually not too far from home, pack a suitcase and go by myself just to have a little down time. It's more of an energy-level thing than it is an avoidance thing.

    I've learned to give the people in my life a heads up so that they understand I'm not abandoning them or am indifferent to their needs. Then when I come back, I've found them less in bad sorts about my sudden split from the scene. More supportive of my self care if they understand what's going on.

    When I was in my teens and twenties it was more of a running-away thing when I was on emotional overload. Back then it was fight or flight stuff and given the day I could only think to choose one or the other. Neither were healthy or worked to sustain my relationhips with others.

    I've come up now with a long list of ways to deal with my intense feelings to retreat -communication skills, soothing techniques, rethinking, frequenting places that give me rest and renewal, friends who help me catch my perspective back.

    And I strongly resist any unhealthy urges to run away from any situation which isn't life-threatening. I still step back, based on how much energy I am willing to expend so it's a matter of evaluating my priorities. How important is it to me to try to "fix" this? Mostly I try to keep it about me and not about others. Works for me.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

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