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  1. #1
    ThatGirl
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    Default Still mixed up, androgenously speaking

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    A lot of the guys that I talk to say that they want a well rounded girl that can hang with the guys and still be a lady. I get this. I am the type of girl who will jump off the pier at the ocean, kick back and hold my own in a group full of guys, and still get in my cocktail dress and heels to go out dancing at night. Here is the thing, I have a tendency to make a man feel like less of a man. This is not my intention. I either send men running for the hills after the slaughter of their ego or get guys that are really feeley and naturaly submissive.
    If guys want that all around woman then why are they intimidated when confronted by it? Or, did I somehow get it wrong? Do guys want women to be all feeley on the outside then tough on the inside? If so, how do you get in touch with your Fe? Fe can be repulsive to me at times. Any advice or insight?
    Ive been here for a while now and think you may have gotten more of a feel for my personality.

    I would like to revisit this thread and see if anyone has any further insight for me. I was once again confronted by a gentalman who gave his number to me but not first without telling me that I can really put men off. This was only during a three min conversation. What can I do to be more.....socially accurate?

    P.S. he still gave me his number I didn't ask for it

  2. #2
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Congratulations! You've been moved upgraded to Personal Threads!

    On second thought, I'm just going to split the last post into a new thread and retitle it.

  3. #3
    Mamma said knock you out Mempy's Avatar
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    It's a good title. It caught my attention.
    They're running just like you
    For you, and I, wooo
    So people, people, need some good ol' love

  4. #4
    ThatGirl
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    hm, thought you erased it.

  5. #5
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    I was trying to think on your post a bit.. I tend to be the same way. I dress like a girl when appropriate, and I don't have as much trouble (anymore) being in a girly environment with said girls. I also enjoy just as much sitting around with all my guy friends, and doing the things I do everyday.

    I ALSO tend to attract very submissive men, that aren't capable of just being themselves and enjoying the atmosphere for what it is.

    Personally, I think that men tend to complain about what they don't have, whether they want it or not. (I do this sometimes, even though I lack manparts..) They want to be the man in every situation, or not at all it seems to me. I'm sure this isn't true with everything, but here's my dating life: Submissive coward, clingy dependency, girly-acting slob, clingy-to-teh-extremez. All seemed like awesome guys when we were friends, went loopy when they realized what they were getting into.

    I hope we find ourselves a real man capable of handling a real woman someday *^-~*.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  6. #6
    Member Oleander's Avatar
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    There's a lot of women are quite sensible with male work colleagues but turn themselves into air-head bimboes to attract a man and forever complain both that men want air-head bimboes and that men don't respect them as competent individuals - but never consider the men who do respect them equally as potential mates.

    The same projected sexism is true of a lot of men. They believe that women expect them to take charge or else to be submissive and most porn and feminist writing that gets the most exposure backs this up.

    Then there are the women who feel they have to out-macho the men instead of being themselves and sometimes criticising men and standing up that women do some things better. A lot like this call themselves 'feminist' and start to foam at the mouth at any man sugggesting that men might have just got it wrong and would be better off being more like women. Because we have such a strongly macho-skewed society that so often promotes ideas of anything thought traditionally feminine 'inferior' to traditionally masculine it's kind of inevitable that few men will risk women seeing them as something women are taught to despise even in themselves and of those few, most will grow up learning that the world, and especially girls, think of them as gay and self-excluded from relationships with girls and later women.

    We do not have a sexually equal society. We have one that regards what were old masculine values as superior to what were feminine and applies them to both sexes. So while it is fine and often preferable for women to copy men, just the fact that they find it preferable makes it much harder for men to contemplate copying the femininity those women reject without seeing it as submissive and 'de-manned' when the women are 'manning up' instead of just plain gentle and loving and caring, all things that women are too often taught to despise as 'traditional submission' to the Mighty Male in themselves, so completely unexpected in what they have been taught to believe men are.

  7. #7
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Don't stop being yourself. If the guys you're around can't deal with it, then too bad. I know that sounds overly simplistic, but after dealing with years and years of men telling me I'm fantastic, and then starting up with the "being overwhelmed" garbage the minute we date, I've pared it down to that. I used to analyze my behavior into the ground, constantly asking myself if I was too forceful/too submissive/too pretty/too ugly/too smart/too stupid. It's a waste of time. If you're improving yourself for yourself, then that's all you can do. Trying to assuage the feelings of a guy who's feeling stopped short by you isn't your problem. You can only be responsible for yourself.

  8. #8
    Member Oleander's Avatar
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    I don't htink INFPs have 'dates'. We have Friends. Some of those friends we make love with, some we don't, but we can't manage going together with or without sex when the feeling for the person is not there. At best, we are available to any who like and want us but we're not going to be doing the pushing.

  9. #9
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    Don't stop being yourself. If the guys you're around can't deal with it, then too bad. I know that sounds overly simplistic, but after dealing with years and years of men telling me I'm fantastic, and then starting up with the "being overwhelmed" garbage the minute we date, I've pared it down to that. I used to analyze my behavior into the ground, constantly asking myself if I was too forceful/too submissive/too pretty/too ugly/too smart/too stupid. It's a waste of time. If you're improving yourself for yourself, then that's all you can do. Trying to assuage the feelings of a guy who's feeling stopped short by you isn't your problem. You can only be responsible for yourself.
    Oh, the woman speaks truth. Heed her words Thatgirl! You should also be aware of a phenomenon where you try to be what you're not and think you're fooling people, but you're actually just being yourself. Don't even bother. Be who you are... 'cause that's what you'll be anyway.

  10. #10
    ThatGirl
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    Im thinking that a three min conversation with a guy where he tells me blatatly, "You can really put a guy off" isnt exactly what happenes to every girl. Im not saying men are justified, only that I dont like the pattern. If I dont like the pattern, fix it.

    But fearing the bait and switch, I have decided I will most deffinatley become the neighborhood witch lady. You know the one, she gardens at two o clock in the morning. By day she yells, "Balls in my yard!, My ball now!", and turns to put the ball in her collection cabinet of social interaction so she can revel in it at will. "Haha, remember the time that ball came in my yard?" *laughs to herself* "That was funny wasnt it"
    While the kids stare through the windows tring to peek at her voodoo.


    LOL, see drunk thread *big smile*

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