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[INFJ] Do you relate to this? (General portrayal of INFJ)

Jellyfish1234

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I'd like to develop my understanding of the 'general' picture of what an INFJ is typically like. I know obviously not all INFJ will be similar but I'd just like to see out of interest, whether this description of an INFJ relates to any on this forum? How far off is my very-generalised-and-probably-disgustingly-stereotypical-portrayal of INFJ to most here? What bits would you agree/disagree with? (Most of this portrayal is based on what I view myself to be like, and the example is pulled (and edited) from a real event in my life, so I suppose this may also help me see how far I am from other INFJ here to help me decide on if I think I am one or not). This portrayal is focused on a healthy INFJ, and focuses on strengths linked to people skills.

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INFJ - Observe, Analyse, Fix

Imagine a robot or android designed to observe and analyse human beings and to 'fix' them, emotionally. This is, in a sense, a generalised metaphor for the INFJ. The INFJ will use their ability to sense the underlying causes of events and behaviour coupled with their knack for observing behavioural patterns of others to gain analytical insights into people (Ni) - why they said what they said, what they are thinking, what they want, who they are, how they are feeling. Most of these insights are removed from judgement or emotion - it is a rather cold observational activity; "You are doing this because of this." rather than, "You are doing this because of this, and I dislike that." (Ni + Ti) The feeling/judgement side to the INFJ comes later, when the INFJ decides to use their information on somebody to DO something - usually, to care for them and to 'fix' them (Fe). If a person seems upset to the INFJ, who would sense this by understanding the usual behavioural patterns of the person or of people in the population in general, the INFJ may use the insights gained on that person to go about helping them to cheer up in a way that suits the individual in distress best. If two people are in conflict and the INFJ wishes to help resolve it, the INFJ may use their understanding of each person to manipulate the situation into being resolved, speaking their language, fixing things behind the scenes, knowing what to say to them to make them think about the other person in a different way. The INFJ is someone who knows your secrets - or at least thinks they do - , but can be trusted not to share them and to handle them with care, with your best interest in mind.

Example. John, 15, an INFJ, noticed some tension between his friends Ryan and Catrina. Catrina and Ryan were in different classes, and this week, the year group was divided into two - the lower ability classes, and the upper ability classes. They were then given two assembly meetings, where a visitor came in to give them advise on how to best prepare for their exams. Ryan and Catrina had been discussing what the assembly was about and it became clear that Ryan's group's assembly had been tailored to fit the average academic intelligence levels of the lower groups, as Catrina's assembly seemed to have been a lot more advanced. John could tell that Ryan was a bit upset with this - he was not engaging with the conversation as much as he normally would, and kept looking down at the ground, and kept mentioning his impressive A grade coursework he got last week (probably as a way to defend his intelligence). John thought that Catrina was oblivious as she was acting normally and continued to talk about the advanced lessons given in her assembly that weren't given in Ryan's. John decided he would help Ryan feel better. He knew Ryan was someone who was sensitive but didn't like people knowing, as he'd observed him for years and could tell he had a soft heart hid by a cold, uncaring persona, and so he knew that if he made it clear to Ryan that he knew he was upset, Ryan would be distressed and embarrassed. So John decided to slip in a joke about how the education system was stupid, and that people were treated as if they were stupid if they didn't excel, when usually it was the case that they were intelligent and just didn't put the effort in to do the work (something Ryan would openly admit himself and so wouldn't be offended). After he said this, Ryan seemed to perk up, and John felt he had helped his friend in a kind way.

------

Thank you in advance for any responses! And apologies if my portrayal is terrible!
 

Peter Deadpan

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I agree with the first half of your analysis.

Tbh, I didn't read the second half because my eyes glaze over when specifics start to be mentioned. INFJ, or ADHD? I dunno... both apply to me, haha.

Also, this preoccupation with analyzing and "fixing" people has caused me more pain than anything else. Because I am so focused on other people (usually a lover... I'm single now), I tend to me more concerned with their own "flaws" instead of focusing on "fixing" myself. I usually only "fix" myself when my partners get frustrated with me for constantly over-analyzing them because it becomes a problem that is pointed out to me. Because I am drawn to men with a bit of a mysterious side, I tend to attract partners with mental/personality issues. I married an alcoholic narcissist (ironically, I was raised by an alcoholic AND a narcissist, so how is that for a Freudian attempt at love?). We have been separated for over 2 years and he still abuses me mentally and emotionally (we have 2 kids together). My partner after him had SO MANY wonderful traits!! BUT, there is a bit of a chance that he has bipolar disorder. At the very least, he definitely suffers from depression and I endured a couple of outbursts from him because he is not good at regulating his emotional overflow or communicating issues before they explode. Although I still love him very much, we can no longer be together because of this, so now I am single. It was hard to walk away and I tried crawling back a few times, but I *know* that it's unhealthy for me to accept poor treatment just because I love someone and want to help them. I'm guessing this is a typical problem for INFJs.
 

Polaris

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I don't really see myself as a fixer of people unless doing small things to cheer them up or otherwise make them feel better counts.
 

Jellyfish1234

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I agree with the first half of your analysis.

Tbh, I didn't read the second half because my eyes glaze over when specifics start to be mentioned. INFJ, or ADHD? I dunno... both apply to me, haha.

Also, this preoccupation with analyzing and "fixing" people has caused me more pain than anything else. Because I am so focused on other people (usually a lover... I'm single now), I tend to me more concerned with their own "flaws" instead of focusing on "fixing" myself. I usually only "fix" myself when my partners get frustrated with me for constantly over-analyzing them because it becomes a problem that is pointed out to me. Because I am drawn to men with a bit of a mysterious side, I tend to attract partners with mental/personality issues. I married an alcoholic narcissist (ironically, I was raised by an alcoholic AND a narcissist, so how is that for a Freudian attempt at love?). We have been separated for over 2 years and he still abuses me mentally and emotionally (we have 2 kids together). My partner after him had SO MANY wonderful traits!! BUT, there is a bit of a chance that he has bipolar disorder. At the very least, he definitely suffers from depression and I endured a couple of outbursts from him because he is not good at regulating his emotional overflow or communicating issues before they explode. Although I still love him very much, we can no longer be together because of this, so now I am single. It was hard to walk away and I tried crawling back a few times, but I *know* that it's unhealthy for me to accept poor treatment just because I love someone and want to help them. I'm guessing this is a typical problem for INFJs.

Thank you for the response.

I personally have no experience with issues such as yours, but I can't imagine how difficult it must be to love someone but be hurt in some way by being with them, so I am very sorry, and hope you find a happy relationship that you can safely and healthily stick with. No idea if it's a common problem with INFJ or not, to feel like you must fix someone who you love despite them hurting you, but I'm sure you're not alone in it regardless of how it links into MBTI. Maybe there are others here who can give you advice if you need some, though. Just remember that the happiness you seem to try to give to others is what you yourself deserve, and you shouldn't focus so much on fixing other people if it's becoming harmful to you - treat yourself as an equal to them, view yourself from an outside perspective and treat yourself as you would treat yourself if you weren't you. Make sure you're happy before you go out of your way making sure you make others happy, especially if it harms you in the process. But that's just my advise, and I'm very young so maybe this isn't useful at all, so sorry if it isn't. I hope you find happiness.
 

Jellyfish1234

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I don't really see myself as a fixer of people unless doing small things to cheer them up or otherwise make them feel better counts.

That's really what I was going for, yeah: If people that you care about are upset, 'fix' as in do something to make them feel better, using insights into them to assist your method in doing that. Or 'fix' conflict between two people using insights into them. Things like that.
 

Peter Deadpan

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It's probably because I've been through a lot in life and can relate to other people's struggles. I mostly just want everyone to feel loved and appreciated and not fatally flawed, but I have no problem identifying these "flaws" in others.

I have a feeling that I'm going to be chronically over-sharing here :/ Sorry if my personal tangent was off-topic.
 

Doctor Cringelord

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Sure, if I only went by the INFJ descriptions, then I'd call myself one with 110% certainty.
 

Jellyfish1234

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It's probably because I've been through a lot in life and can relate to other people's struggles. I mostly just want everyone to feel loved and appreciated and not fatally flawed, but I have no problem identifying these "flaws" in others.

I have a feeling that I'm going to be chronically over-sharing here :/ Sorry if my personal tangent was off-topic.

Well I think that's understandable. Just make sure you make yourself feel loved and appreciated and not fatally flawed too, if it ever came to the point where you would be willing to sacrifice that for someone else.

No don't worry, not off topic at all, thank you for sharing.
 

Doctor Cringelord

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And do you identify as INFJ, or are you saying this description would convince you you'd be INFJ even though you aren't one?

I do not identify as INFJ.

If I were unfamiliar with Jungian theory OR insisted only on going by INFJ descriptions, then yes, there is a good possibility I'd find that description relatable. I don't know if it would be enough to convince me though.
 

Jellyfish1234

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I do not identify as INFJ.

If I were unfamiliar with Jungian theory OR insisted only on going by INFJ descriptions, then yes, there is a good possibility I'd find that description relatable. I don't know if it would be enough to convince me though.

Okay, interesting, thank you. Could I ask what type you do identify as?
 

Starry

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I am not INFJ...but I did receive an honorary degree and was subsequently given the official t-shirt so....

I just thought I would contribute these two things in the off-chance they might be helpful...

While I understand what the author is describing 1.) there's something that seems a little too practical in all of it...like what I would expect out of a stereotypical/general SFJ description. And 2.) I personally have never met or interacted with an INFJ that does what has been outlined above in a healthy way and yes, all 7 existing INFJs today are either a part of my immediate or extended family (ok I'm kidding). No, but I mean that. To me I might even rename it from "INFJ description" to "Why I eventually cut everyone out of my life."
 

Jellyfish1234

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I am not INFJ...but I did receive an honorary degree and was subsequently given the official t-shirt so....

I just thought I would contribute these two things in the off-chance they might be helpful...

While I understand what the author is describing 1.) there's something that seems a little too practical in all of it...like what I would expect out of a stereotypical/general SFJ description. And 2.) I personally have never met or interacted with an INFJ that does what has been outlined above in a healthy way and yes, all 7 existing INFJs today are either a part of my immediate or extended family (ok I'm kidding). No, but I mean that. To me I might even rename it from "INFJ description" to "Why I eventually cut everyone out of my life."

How do they do it in an unhealthy way? "Fix" as in try to change people, not make them happy? Or am I misunderstanding?

And when you say it seems like a general SFJ description, is that you saying it's inaccurate for INFJ and more accurate for ISFJ, or are you just pointing out it feels more like a stereotypical ISFJ description because of the practical basis, and not saying it sounds like actual ISFJ?
 

Peter Deadpan

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I thought it sounded rather practical too, which I probably why I chose to not read the entire post. But maybe I lost my right to comment since I didn't read the whole thing ;P
 

Jellyfish1234

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I thought it sounded rather practical too, which I probably why I chose to not read the entire post. But maybe I lost my right to comment since I didn't read the whole thing ;P

What exactly do you mean by it sounding practical? And does this make it less relatable to you as an INFJ?

- - - Updated - - -

Thank you for all the feedback so far by the way everyone, I really appreciate it.
 

Peter Deadpan

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What exactly do you mean by it sounding practical? And does this make it less relatable to you as an INFJ?

- - - Updated - - -

Okay, let me try to explain it as best I can:

It was very "A + B = C" to me. You were giving very specific examples, which my brain picked up on immediately and was like "nah, we don't need to read this," because I guess I'm more interested in abstract concepts. It was concrete, not abstract. Or so I assume because I still haven't read it all, hahaha.

I do NOT think that all INFJs are like this though. I legitimately have ADHD and get very bored with finer details. I honestly don't really understand it myself, so hopefully I explained it okay???
 

Peter Deadpan

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I went back and read it, to be fair to you.

I can see how the example you gave could be a representation of INFJ behavior, but your explanation *style* is what I was having problem with, not the scenario itself. The scenario could be an example of many different types though, imo.
 
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