"...like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor."
So I find myself living the above sentiment. The other day, a relatively new friend of mine and I expressed a desire to smoke together. Things were iffy about whether or not it would work out, as he had been fighting with his significant other for three straight days, and the previous night the fight lasted until 5 in the morning, and then he got up to go to work at 11 am, so needless to say, the man needed some sleep. I myself needed to get started on a buttload of homework. So I specifically asked him to give me a call to let me know what was up, whether we decided to hang out or not. He agreed. Plans changed and he then asked me to give him a call when I got home, and I did. When he picked up the phone, he asked if he could call me back in a few minutes. I said yes. He didn't call.
Things like this really get under my skin. They make me feel insecure and unwanted. If you can't call me back or won't, that's fine, but don't tell me that you will. It only causes me to take your word with a grain of salt. I don't like having to do that. I know enough unreliable people already, please don't add to it.
Now, being that he's my friend, and I'm at least partially aware of what's been going on in his life lately, I'm guessing that it's probably not that big of a deal. He could have easily just fallen asleep from exhaustion, he could have been arguing with his parents about whether or not i could come over, he could have gotten into another fight with his significant other, and it could simply have just slipped his mind. I can think of understandable reason after understandable reason. There's the possibility that he specifically wanted not to hang out with me, but his actions speak the complete opposite. Why would he have asked "what are you up to later," if he wanted not to hang out with me?
I know that my insecurity is misallocated here, but that's just it. I don't want to have to belittle my own insecurity. I don't want to have to think of reasons why he might not have called. Even if it's just a text message saying, "Hey, I'm not going to be able to call," it would be something I can deal with. But I hate feeling left in the dark.
Then, last night, I was supposed to hang out with my friends Sam and Davey at Sam's house. The two were supposed to get out of work at 9. We'd been in contact over the course of the day, and when I called Sam at about 9:15, he asked if I could give him an extra half hour, which was fine. Things come up, whatever. Then Davey calls and says he's still at work, but to head to Sam's at 10. Again, things come up, whatever. So I watch the last two episodes of Season 4 of Weeds.
I get to Sam's house at about 10:30, he's not there, so I call and he says give him five more minutes. I wait for 10, leave, because I'm pissed off and fed up with waiting, and twenty minutes later, he calls. Because I didn't pick up, I assume it was to ask where I was.
The math here says that 5 = 30.
So I've been friends with these guys for quite some time, and am aware that they vastly understate the amount of time they take to get anywhere. Should I have taken this into my calculations? Yes. But recently, changes have been taking place, and quite frankly, I'm fucking fed up with people telling me what they think I want to hear. I've been friends with you for years, you always tell me you're going to be earlier than you actually are, and I never complain. Can we move past the childish understatements of time? Because clearly, I don't care if you're going to take an hour and a half. But, you know, I do care if you lie to me on a regular basis. And that's what this was. A lie.
So, in conclusion. Fuck lies and the people who tell them.