Quote Originally Posted by nynesneg View Post
I am naturally friendly, I can talk to anyone and enjoy great conversations. However just like you, I don't actually have that much of a social life. My closest friends don't live anywhere near me. I am always busy, but enjoy it that way. Thankfully I grew out of alot of my insecurities over the past 4 years, so I don't go through the mental dialog of thinking people might not want to talk to me.

Aw... That sounds like how I become if I don't get enough social time. I get highly introspective and almost anti-social when I'm feeling down sometimes. Perhaps you need to talk to some random people or friends, or busy in social settings to feel more comfortable?
Quote Originally Posted by ENFJ_Catholic View Post
The whole question of "introverted" or "extraverted" ENFJs boils down to the question of exactly thatówhether the person is being smothered or embraced in the present environment.

I can relate as a kid being hindered in this respect. I felt I was forced into introversion but craved that other-person connection. As it stands, realizing who you are and what pleases you is half the battle. The other half is trusting yourself and your judgements enough to go on ledge and damn the consequences. We have to trust ourselves enough to be open to the Other.
Quote Originally Posted by SpottingTrains View Post
I think this has a lot to do with whether your extroverted feeling has been smothered or embraced.
Quote Originally Posted by SpottingTrains View Post
I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel. It is a very twisted circle. I think for us it is extremely important that we have very strong, trustworthy friendships but at the same token it is very hard for us (males at least) to actually open ourselves up enough to actually gain solid friendships like that, especially if you have been hurt in the past.

Personally, I wouldn't call myself anti-social but more along the lines of anti-commital, if that makes sense. I will talk to anyone but I will rarely ever divulge anything about myself but I will still manage to have a great conversation with people.

As far as your point about being an introverted extrovert, I know exactly what you mean. I love to dance, goto parties, have a great time but if a group of people are talking I find myself engaged but not actually adding anything to the conversation. I find it more much fulfilling to sit back and and soak it all in. If someone engages me in a one on one conversation that is completely different.

What you need is for someone to take you by the hand and thrust you into crazy ass situations and you will never look back. The trick is finding someone you can trust completely which from what I have experienced is very, very hard.
Quote Originally Posted by The Third Rider View Post
OMG, I could have written all of that word for word, wow. I mean all of it, this is why I am on this forum too, kind of sad really. It all started when I was a kid and my parents wouldn't let me out so I spent a lot of time being depressed and was put down for years and years and not having a stable home killed me, so I found forums and talked to people there. I had a lot of friends but not being able to hang out with them and moving so much over time really made me lose myself and became deeply depressed. Well after a few years and taking a hold of my life and sanity I feel A LOT better and so is my confidence, but I do feel like I was robbed of some years of my life. My job is boring as well, sitting in my cube or a good part of the day so I spend a lot of time on the net browsing it too. Now I feel like I need to connect with more people and be more sociable as well but all those years I spent acting like an introvert have stayed on me as well, but even when I am in a group of people I sometimes feel alone too, weird really.
Quote Originally Posted by chris1207 View Post
I like to think that the secret to living now is learning to take life one day at a time. You just gotta learn to not try to control everything and just follow your gut. Honestly, I think the outlook is quite good for us. We do have Se as our tertiary function, which according to "Do what you are!" is a function we should be developing between the ages of 25 and 40. Sure we might miss some years but Se is really excellent at being more spontaneous. We'll see.

I tell ya, some of the problems we've encountered might have something to do with the fact that ENFJ's just aren't that common and people don't know how to deal with us. I mean come on 2.4 %-ish is pretty low. My whole family's very SJ BTW. Dad - ISTJ, Mom - ESFJ, and Sister - ESTJ so you can see how I'd run into problems being the odd man out. They've just given up trying to understand me. Things have been decent as of late though. I decided I would come to their level and we at least don't have a massive barrier between us anymore.
Good thread. Some very "non-stereotypical ENFJ" issues. I relate to a lot of the issues of feeling alone, even when among a group. I think its the issue of intimacy vs pure socializing. I think how things go as you grow up can strongly affect how you choose to form relationships as you get older (i'd guess any peer teasing, parental socialization or other factors).

Ironically (because Se is always portrayed as being shallow), I think developing a healthy Se can be effective. Having ESFP friends (who aren't too crazy), can help push you to into those crazy situations that bring out the best in you.