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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    Hi, I see what you mean, I think for me I can be totally extroverted at times, and other times totally introverted in a group setting. It really depends on my mood. I mean if I am happy, or excited about some new idea for making the world a better place..., then I am totally out there. On the other hand, when I am feeling kinda low, kinda not understanding myself, or just sad because of current events, or feeling like "who knows if my dreams will ever happen", then I'm much more introverted, cause I don't like projecting these feelings onto others. Or maybe because I feel that I am no good to them anyways in this state, and that keeps me much more to myself.
    Although I do tell a selective few my troubles...
    I don't know, I have a hard time keeping long lasting relationships too, but if the other person keeps at it... then a freindship is born.
    I can talk small talk with like any person I see, it's kinda scary on the one hand considering the main subconcious motivater that makes me be able to do this is...
    I want to connect...nect...nect *echo*
    I don't know, I just want to feel connected with people at all times, at any given time.
    is something wrong with me because of this?
    I think thats one of the reasons I'm on this forum. In my day to day I see people, but it's not enough for me, cause my ideal job would be out there, doing something meaningful, something out of the office (at least most the day), interacting with people, solving major issues, and it being real-time. Something that gets your adrenaline going, something exciting, even dangerous(?) to some extent.
    What I do now, is sit in a cubicle all day, in front of a computer which is extremely frustrating for me.
    So anyway sorry about all the ranting...the point is that this may be why I'm on the forum. It helps me feel like I am connecting with people.
    Maybe you are an enfj that is just a little under the weather right now, or maybe you have never been given the chance to be in your ideal enviroment, and therefore never felt compelled to speak your mind. Maybe it's a low confidence issue, who knows.
    Which could be, if you had parents that put you down a lot, I know I have been working on my self-esteem forever- I mean it's gotten much better, but the effects of childhood are very hard to just get rid of, (I mean if they were negative).

    So, I have some humble advice I would like to give you; just get out of the house for an evening with some, even one close friend, and go a little crazy...
    It might help you get out of your zone, and put things in prospective.

    Good luck, dee
    I know what are you saying. You want to be more active and stuff, but that means leaving the forum time to time though right? So I'm thinking like best way is to talk outside the forum (really close friend or loved one) and be more extroverted, doesn't that help in solving the problem?

  2. #12
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    I know what are you saying. You want to be more active and stuff, but that means leaving the forum time to time though right? So I'm thinking like best way is to talk outside the forum (really close friend or loved one) and be more extroverted, doesn't that progress in solving the problem?
    are you writing to me? or to chris? *confused*
    Trust me, I am out, I just want to be out MORE, or when I am physically out of the house to use that time effecitvely to be out out, like really out there.

    I can't because of my children. They need to see there mommy a little too, right?
    So that's when the forum can be nice, (after they go to bed) but I'm not limited to the forum for *connecting*. It can just be the most practical at times.

    Cheers, dee

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    are you writing to me? or to chris? *confused*
    Trust me, I am out, I just want to be out MORE, or when I am physically out of the house to use that time effecitvely to be out out, like really out there.

    I can't because of my children. They need to see there mommy a little too, right?
    So that's when the forum can be nice, (after they go to bed) but I'm not limited to the forum for *connecting*. It can just be the most practical at times.

    Cheers, dee
    Right, I was just making a general comment to Chris aswell. Its something Ive been thinking about, myself. Thats understandable with your family.

  4. #14
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    Talking

    Right, I was just making a general comment to Chris aswell. Its something Ive been thinking about, myself. Thats understandable with your family.
    Thanks for the clarification,

    and the understanding

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    Thanks for the clarification,

    and the understanding
    Right I might try to be more extroverted, but I might have to leave the forums, I should leave things to be casual here its easier for people.

  6. #16
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chris1207 View Post
    ...If any of them have been able to combat these negative, cynical thoughts about people in general. Maybe I'm cynical because people don't fit in my narrow ideal of how we should all be or maybe I'm... resentful. I dunno.

    Just thought I'd type for a while. It's cathartic for me.
    The cynicism. I really don't know what to do about it, I've mostly tried to spin it into something positive like I believe people (myself included) can do better but be realistic about how much better people can do. I was in Urban Outfitters yesterday and was reading this book Grandma's Dead: Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals and one of the postcards said "Dreams don't come true." I think that's where the cynicism comes in because on one hand you realize that is factual but on the other hand you resist believing it because you've got to have the strong delusion that they do come true in order to make them so. But in general I think that books says a lot of about acknowledging the ugly side of life, the messes that no one wants to clean up but somebody has to. And if the cleaning up is always something that falls in your lap or a responsibility you feel compelled to do then yes, resentment and cynicism are not far behind.

    I'm trying to train myself on meeting people where they're at (myself included) and that requires a honest and factual assessment of who a person is with an eye towards who they can be. Assessing your potential and the potential of other requires ascertaining strong and weak points and it's really hard to look at your own or someone else's unsavory parts and not get turned off. And maybe you have a right to be turned off and you feel guilty that you are. Some people purely look at the sunny side of things and some people don't even believe the sun exists. I guess I just try to be a realistic optimist, believe things can change and be better but realize that it's a process that won't occur overnight. That usually helps to keep the cynicism at bay.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  7. #17
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    Hi, I see what you mean, I think for me I can be totally extroverted at times, and other times totally introverted in a group setting. It really depends on my mood. I mean if I am happy, or excited about some new idea for making the world a better place..., then I am totally out there. On the other hand, when I am feeling kinda low, kinda not understanding myself, or just sad because of current events, or feeling like "who knows if my dreams will ever happen", then I'm much more introverted, cause I don't like projecting these feelings onto others. Or maybe because I feel that I am no good to them anyways in this state, and that keeps me much more to myself.
    Although I do tell a selective few my troubles...
    I don't know, I have a hard time keeping long lasting relationships too, but if the other person keeps at it... then a freindship is born.
    I can talk small talk with like any person I see, it's kinda scary on the one hand considering the main subconcious motivater that makes me be able to do this is...
    I want to connect...nect...nect *echo*
    I don't know, I just want to feel connected with people at all times, at any given time.
    is something wrong with me because of this?
    I think thats one of the reasons I'm on this forum. In my day to day I see people, but it's not enough for me, cause my ideal job would be out there, doing something meaningful, something out of the office (at least most the day), interacting with people, solving major issues, and it being real-time. Something that gets your adrenaline going, something exciting, even dangerous(?) to some extent.
    What I do now, is sit in a cubicle all day, in front of a computer which is extremely frustrating for me.
    So anyway sorry about all the ranting...the point is that this may be why I'm on the forum. It helps me feel like I am connecting with people.
    Maybe you are an enfj that is just a little under the weather right now, or maybe you have never been given the chance to be in your ideal enviroment, and therefore never felt compelled to speak your mind. Maybe it's a low confidence issue, who knows.
    Which could be, if you had parents that put you down a lot, I know I have been working on my self-esteem forever- I mean it's gotten much better, but the effects of childhood are very hard to just get rid of, (I mean if they were negative).

    So, I have some humble advice I would like to give you; just get out of the house for an evening with some, even one close friend, and go a little crazy...
    It might help you get out of your zone, and put things in prospective.

    Good luck, dee
    OMG, I could have written all of that word for word, wow. I mean all of it, this is why I am on this forum too, kind of sad really. It all started when I was a kid and my parents wouldn't let me out so I spent a lot of time being depressed and was put down for years and years and not having a stable home killed me, so I found forums and talked to people there. I had a lot of friends but not being able to hang out with them and moving so much over time really made me lose myself and became deeply depressed. Well after a few years and taking a hold of my life and sanity I feel A LOT better and so is my confidence, but I do feel like I was robbed of some years of my life. My job is boring as well, sitting in my cube or a good part of the day so I spend a lot of time on the net browsing it too. Now I feel like I need to connect with more people and be more sociable as well but all those years I spent acting like an introvert have stayed on me as well, but even when I am in a group of people I sometimes feel alone too, weird really.
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

  8. #18
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    OMG, I could have written all of that word for word, wow. I mean all of it, this is why I am on this forum too, kind of sad really. It all started when I was a kid and my parents wouldn't let me out so I spent a lot of time being depressed and was put down for years and years and not having a stable home killed me, so I found forums and talked to people there. I had a lot of friends but not being able to hang out with them and moving so much over time really made me lose myself and became deeply depressed. Well after a few years and taking a hold of my life and sanity I feel A LOT better and so is my confidence, but I do feel like I was robbed of some years of my life. My job is boring as well, sitting in my cube or a good part of the day so I spend a lot of time on the net browsing it too. Now I feel like I need to connect with more people and be more sociable as well but all those years I spent acting like an introvert have stayed on me as well, but even when I am in a group of people I sometimes feel alone too, weird really.
    Nice to know someone can relate, enfj males have always intrigued me although I am married to an infp.
    Something about how they can really understand me- enfj female, is really wondrous... *full of wonder smilie*

  9. #19
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    Nice to know someone can relate, enfj males have always intrigued me although I am married to an infp.
    Something about how they can really understand me- enfj female, is really wondrous... *full of wonder smilie*
    2 ENFJs? Sounds interesting.
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

  10. #20
    Senior Member chris1207's Avatar
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    I like to think that the secret to living now is learning to take life one day at a time. You just gotta learn to not try to control everything and just follow your gut. Honestly, I think the outlook is quite good for us. We do have Se as our tertiary function, which according to "Do what you are!" is a function we should be developing between the ages of 25 and 40. Sure we might miss some years but Se is really excellent at being more spontaneous. We'll see.

    I tell ya, some of the problems we've encountered might have something to do with the fact that ENFJ's just aren't that common and people don't know how to deal with us. I mean come on 2.4 %-ish is pretty low. My whole family's very SJ BTW. Dad - ISTJ, Mom - ESFJ, and Sister - ESTJ so you can see how I'd run into problems being the odd man out. They've just given up trying to understand me. Things have been decent as of late though. I decided I would come to their level and we at least don't have a massive barrier between us anymore.
    "... you think deeply about stuff [that] nobody cares about and hardly anybody can understand you." ~ Peguy talking about Ni users. So true.

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