How many of you NFs didn't particularly enjoy reading that? Not many I'm guessing. It does insinuate that some of the beliefs and/or past decisions you pride yourself on may not necessarily be something to be proud of, after all. Which is exactly why I don't know how to tell an INFJ friend of mine that some of the things she thinks are absolutely stupid.
The thing is though, is that I'm not going to be attacking anything that's actually important to her. She did something to me that really upset me (and the damage is irreversible) but when I asked her why it turned out she was being noble; she did it with the best intentions (which didn't actually surprise me, she is INFJ after all). The fact that she wasn't just willing to make a sacrifice for me but that she actually did sacrifice something for me isn't the problem - hell, her nobility is the bright side to all this. The problem was her reasoning behind her decision.
And I'm not just going to be saying this because I got hurt, I'm actually more worried that she could very well have been even more hurt by this than I was. I've known her long enough to know that this is a recurring theme with her too, and that it'll keep happening if something doesn't change. I love that she's willing to go as far as she is (has) for my sake (anyone's, really), but it scares the crap out of me to know that her nobility could wind up (has wound up) hurting not just the person she intended to help, but her as well.
I don't want to go into much detail but one of the examples I can give is this: She's very sick, and she'll probably only last 20 more years at the most if she's really, really lucky. She said without saying the other day that she doesn't want people getting too attached to her because she'll just wind up dying on them. The fact that she'd willingly subject herself to a life of loneliness and misery so that others wouldn't have to be miserable is incredible, but it's ridiculous. The fact that she doesn't have much longer makes me want to spend as much time with her as possible before that unspeakable thing. She thinks she's doing everyone a favour but it would be a crime if the world didn't get to hear what she has to say, if no one else gets a chance to meet her and realize that there actually is someone in the world who gives a damn about them (I could go on and on with this). She doesn't seem to realize that that not all good deeds need to take away from her own happiness, or that not all acts of nobility have happy endings for even a single person.
But I don't know how to tell her. I'm afraid that when I drop the first bomb on her she'll just shut down or block me out and she won't hear the rest of what I have to say - the part I actually want her to hear. I could just wind up causing her harm without helping anything. And even if it does all get through to her, she's still going to be devastated when she realizes the extent of the damage she caused despite the fact that she did it with the best intentions. Her self-esteem is already low enough as it is too and she gets depressed very easily (and I mean really depressed). She's also running low on friends right now and has told me I'm her best friend and that I'm "one of the only people who believes in her". What kind of things is she going to think when I spring this on her?
There really isn't any way for me to talk to her about this without doing any damage and that scares the crap out of me because I have to say this to her so she doesn't do this to herself anymore. How am I supposed to talk to her about this? Is there anything I can do or say to soften the blow? I need some advice. NFs, INFJs especially, if someone were to cut you down (sigh), how would you want them to do it?