[INFJ] How can I gently remove naivety?

[wu lan]

It's not always that I go all blind to what usually refered as common sense, but when it does, it's something very small but matter. Gives me the nagging feeling like when you have 98/100 in exam. Like it is just a bit more and I messed up.

I wonder how to be more assertive about my choice rather than naively using my own brand of sense that is too subjective. It's actually a trait that is very dear to me and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but it brings me trouble and I want to make myself better. Maybe it's not even naivety, maybe just lack of experience?

Is going out more with people will fix it naturally? become more aware with society value?

 

[Virgo1987]

Why does it bring you trouble?

 

[kyuuei]

I can definitely see situations in which it would bring you some stress or trouble in your life.. I suffered from the same.

Usually, life experience helps the most when it comes to some situations.. and.. this is the age of information! You can look at youtube videos, and official websites for a lot of resources and information to educate yourself on a particular issue or aspect before going into it. Urban dictionary, psychology websites, youtube sensations like Charisma on Command and car mechanical sites, etc. etc. If there is a particular aspect of a problem bugging you, you can usually learn about it online. The problem is, there are sooo many things you can be naive about..

Be honest with yourself too. It helps a lot. Is it that you're naive because of a lack of exposure and knowledge? Or a lack of wanting exposure and knowledge? Many people are very naive about human instincts and how humans interact with each other because they're only exposed to a small segment of it all. Sometimes it can be frustrating to see something that is not your ideal and assume your lack of knowledge is to blame... and really, it is a lack of reaching out for knowledge and lack of acceptance causing grief.

Of course, follow basic safety things. If you're a little naive about people's intentions on the streets, or that salesman that seems sooo genuine... Just ask someone you trust to help you out. No shame in it, everyone needs help.

 

[Fidelia]

The process of talking about things actually will help you to see situations more accurately. It's not even dependent on the other person's response, but rather in articulating what isn't working for you or how you don't measure up to the ideals you'd like to. Life experience will help as well, as long as you reflect on how different things worked out. Also having a little counsel of sober second thought of people you can trust regarding bigger choices can be helpful in providing a balanced perspective as they will have access to different life experiences than you, and may have different perspectives from you.

 

[OrangeAppled]

There are two kinds of naiveté, one is a gullibility that can seem ignorant and kind of lazy (always trust others to think for you). It often comes across as narrow-minded and does involve a lack of exposure. This can lead to bad decisions & even prejudice. The other is more of a guileless, trusting quality, often associated with idealism. I am reminded of Dostoevsky's The Idiot. I think the latter can be common to NFs, and I am not sure it is a fault at all.

I made a conscious decision that I did not want to be cynical (although it is something I fight). I would rather see the best in people & use the best interpretation possible, because with this lens, I act as my best self, and I get better results.

Sure, sometimes this may make me naive, but in the end, I find I still come out on top. By not being suspicious of people and instead ascribing them good motives, they often live up to it, much as they might live up to a negative view (and often that happens because we begin of a confirmation bias). If that person does "take advantage" of this, they still often lose in the long-run, because if my integrity is intact then they have really taken nothing from me. I see it more as faith & generosity now than naiveté, and any cynicism I have as a lack of faith.

Of course, I have an INFP perspective, so for me, the backbone is acting with integrity and values that are like guiding themes in life, so anything else will just be silly gaffes and nothing to feel shame over or that will ruin your life.

As far as practicalities of life, I say go out there and make mistakes. So you spend too much money on something; so what, it's just money. Ask dumb questions about stuff that everyone else seems to just know the answer to (for me, this is often stuff related to practical tasks, such making appointments or taking care of a car; I don't seem to readily grasp what is necessary for everyday maintenance in life). Youtube & google it, if needed.

 

[chubber]

Blame Ni, or embrace it. Ni is the culprit here. It's inherent in our nature.

 

[Norrsken]

You can't force the removal. It takes years of experience for the blind folds to come down and even then, are we as humans capable of ever truly understanding and know absolutely everything there is to know about the universe at large?

 

[Virgo1987]

I wish I could offer some help, but everyone above has already gave you some very good ideas.

I wouldn't fight it too much though. Sometimes I think that's just how people are naturally. I have an older friend who is about four decades older and there has been a whole handful of situations in her life that have her saying, "I've always been so naive". I knew she was being naive, but what was I supposed to tell her? She's that many years older than me and she's lived her life in a great way even with that trait so there's nothing to really try and change at that point.

Best of luck.

 

[LovecraftianMonstrosity]

What particular areas of your life does this concern?

 

[Mole]

Actually naivety is necessary to believe in mbti or astrology.

And if you want that deep feeling of belonging on this site it is necessary to believe in mbti and astrology.

So let me help you: Carl Jung himself, the founder of Psychological Types, was an astrologer.

Mrs Nancy Reagan guided the Presidency of the United States of America with astrology, click on Sister of Nancy Reagan Astrologer: "Nancy Listened Religiously to What Joan Had to Say" | Hollywood Reporter

 

[Mvika]

I have the same problem. And because of this naive side of mine, I sometimes make the kind of mistakes that end up looking more stupid rather than naive to outsiders. For example, I always consider the golden rule while making decisions, but common sense tells that the other person wouldn't. While I like standing up for my values, I also hate feeling like a sucker. I have published a research paper based on the Prisoners' Dilemma situation ( at the center of it) and yet nothing has changed for me personally. I still vote for win-win... And lose.

Please let me know if you find the solution!

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

[MENTION=24624]wu lan[/MENTION]
Can you give an example of what you experience as naivete'?

 

[ceecee]

I don't think there is a "gentle" way to remove naivety. Being more picky about who and what you trust only happens through painful, or at least uncomfortable learning experiences.

 

[geedoenfj]

Maybe it's not even naivety, maybe just lack of experience?

Is going out more with people will fix it naturally? become more aware with society value?

Yes, the more you experience, the more notices you take, the more you'd be able to have certain measures and/or know your ways through life, no one was born knowing everything, we all get to experience then learn the lesson, all you need is a bit of courage

 

[wu lan]

Thank you for everyone who kindly reply
I will reply to some which I think represent most and need different answer

Why does it bring you trouble?

I don't know, I wish it doesn't bring me trouble though

Is it that you're naive because of a lack of exposure and knowledge? Or a lack of wanting exposure and knowledge? Many people are very naive about human instincts and how humans interact with each other because they're only exposed to a small segment of it all. Sometimes it can be frustrating to see something that is not your ideal and assume your lack of knowledge is to blame... and really, it is a lack of reaching out for knowledge and lack of acceptance causing grief.

This is the closest one I guess. It could be very much because of THIS. I think I never genuinely have this kind of desire for something if I don't find it amusing or interesting. But not for reaching the knowledge out because if the situation calls for it, I'll be asking everyone who care to answer for me. Maybe I'm still not assertive enough with myself to make sure not messing things up even though I already tried to reach out. This is great, thank you for telling me this idea.

There are two kinds of naiveté, one is a gullibility that can seem ignorant and kind of lazy (always trust others to think for you). It often comes across as narrow-minded and does involve a lack of exposure. This can lead to bad decisions & even prejudice. The other is more of a guileless, trusting quality, often associated with idealism. I am reminded of Dostoevsky's The Idiot. I think the latter can be common to NFs, and I am not sure it is a fault at all.

Yes I am more leaning towards the letter, but I already find a way around it without losing the guileless trait. I learned it from my Fi-user friends, as you describe it makes me awed seeing someone who is unshaken in their kindness. Without knowing them, I'll just do what the environment do just to mirror them and show them what they do to me. Fi rubs on me.

Blame Ni, or embrace it. Ni is the culprit here. It's inherent in our nature.

I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or encouraging or not either :/

You can't force the removal. It takes years of experience for the blind folds to come down and even then, are we as humans capable of ever truly understanding and know absolutely everything there is to know about the universe at large?

uuhhh, can not. But I still feel strongly dissapointed

What particular areas of your life does this concern?

I don't how I should answer this. what area...? like business? academy? it could be anything but I don't know yet specifically

[MENTION=24624]wu lan[/MENTION]
Can you give an example of what you experience as naivete'?

As I mentioned in the OP more like what usually called as lack of common sense and, the feeling to go with my guts as in my own sense is good enough when it is eventually doesn't really match the context.

 

[chubber]

I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or encouraging or not either :/

Our walls are up to protect us from being vulnerable.