[NF] settle for less?

[niki]

Nice to read all this..and see that there are others out there, everywhere in the world, with similar thoughts !

yup, me too
thanks for the comment!

 

[niki]

As you can tell by my name, I am obviously not an NFP, but I have felt the intense pain of "settling for less" and it's excruciating. I am finally recovering from the severe 10-year long depression I went into when I realized my dreams were never going to come true.

I'm a singer, songwriter and musician. From the time I was 4 years old, all I wanted was to be a music artist. I dreamed of becoming rich and famous and making an impact on the whole world with my music.

I'm at a different stage of my life than you are at. I'm not young and full of naive starry-eyed hope any more. So for me, in order to keep on living, I had to mourn the loss of my "ideal dream", and find a way to accept the life I have and appreciate it for the good things it has to offer, even though it wasn't what I originally dreamed about. More importantly, I have come to realize that my "dream" was unrealistic and unattainable, but I couldn't see that when I was young. I feel I have a more realistic assessment of my talents and abilities now, and I am thankful for the times I at least get to use them in smaller venues than I once dreamed of. I have had some success in small ways, and I'm actually going to be playing music later today in front of about 300 people.

The thing I did right though was to pursue my dream. At least I TRIED. I don't have to look back on my life with regret and wonder what would have happened if I had tried. Nowadays when I watch American Idol, if I'm being honest with myself, I have to admit that I never really had what it takes to make it - not big anyway.

My life is pretty awesome though. I have a faithful, hard-working husband and three beautiful, intelligent children. We have a roof over our heads, food on our table and clothes on our back. We have peace, joy and harmony for the most part. And we don't have paparazzi following us around everywhere we go, invading our privacy. (That's got to count for something!)

My dreams didn't come true, so I'm blooming where I'm planted.
And I think that's the important point.
Chase your dreams and bloom where you're planted.

i feel so much inspired by reading back again this thread. so that's why i bring this up again

INTJMom: so if i may ask, can you say that now you're content already with where "you're planted" at?
or there's still a strong urge , a small voice yet so strong inside your heart that kept saying "go on" to chase your dreams (to become a musician), even after all the 'harsh realities' you had encountered in the past?

you see,..i think thorought my life's experiences & observations, i've encountered two types of people, when talking about chasing dreams:
one is those who are so pragmatist, and even cynical, that they kept saying to just stop (sometimes even before trying!), and tell us to "look at Reality" !
the other type is those who kept saying that dreams, no matter how seemingly hard and impossible it is, CAN be reached! there's a very good analogy that likens chasing dreams to a journey to a point. you know already where's the point/place you want the reach at, so all you gotta do most importantly is to keep walking step by step. and although thoroughout the road, you will surely encounter some boundaries, even big ones, even perhaps to take a detour, etc,....but if you keep walking, and walking, you will eventually get to that point.

although i'm not a politic-junkie, but i can say certainly that Barrack Obama is a very good example of how HOPE (& dreams) can be attained, if one works hard enough. especially if backed by talents & capabilities!


what i do still confused, is whether it's talents, hardwork, or luck that matters the most?
for example - i hope this wouldn't offend any fans out there, i'm just simply using these people as examples , and from my personal opinion too - in the case of musician, you sometimes see some 'unfairness' indeed that people like Britney Spears can get more famous than the 'talented' Norah Jones..
but at the same time, though, i'm glad that Christina Aguilerra (she's just soo talented, personally speaking) is also popular & selling well , a proof that talent + hardwork would result in something big. but what about folks like Britney, or those multitude of rappers out there, who seemingly can get rich & famous way too 'easily' ? ...is it because of the multitudes of people (or mainstream society) whom have little idea of who's the real talented one or who's not?

(i might make this in another new thread, so as to discuss more thoroughly).

 

[nolla]

what i do still confused, is whether it's talents, hardwork, or luck that matters the most?
for example - i hope this wouldn't offend any fans out there, i'm just simply using these people as examples , and from my personal opinion too - in the case of musician, you sometimes see some 'unfairness' indeed that people like Britney Spears can get more famous than the 'talented' Norah Jones..
but at the same time, though, i'm glad that Christina Aguilerra (she's just soo talented, personally speaking) is also popular & selling well , a proof that talent + hardwork would result in something big. but what about folks like Britney, or those multitude of rappers out there, who seemingly can get rich & famous way too 'easily' ? ...is it because of the multitudes of people (or mainstream society) whom have little idea of who's the real talented one or who's not?

If you are any of these people, you have made your dream real. You can't compare them really, they are all successful.

But, personally I think hard work is the most important part. And I think it can help to see that you are not especially talented. Example: I had it easy at school until I went to high school. I didn't have to do any homework since I could just listen to the teacher and I would remember almost everything. At high school the math was so demanding that I would have needed to work harder but I didn't since "that wasn't my thing". I almost failed some of the math courses. And I am as lazy now. So, what this means is that I will never actualize my potential as efficiently than someone who has learned to work hard.

The other thing is that you need to see the dream so clearly that it cannot be washed away. I've never had a dream that wasn't later replaced with some other totally different dream. In fact, I think my dreams live in a different realm than I. I would like to paint and maybe take care of other people, I'd like to tell stories through movies, I'd like to be independent of the stress of the work life... these things are so different from each other that I won't be able to do them all. So.. I've been taking steps into each of these directions and now it's got me stuck somewhere between them and I think I should choose between them because there just isn't time for all of them.

Settling for less for me would be to paint for a hobby, help out friends, work part time as an editor and have loads of free time to sleep and drink. So, there are ways to get part of the dream if you keep an open mind. I don't know if it is "settling for less" since I don't know how big a part of any of my dreams is possible anyways. And. I don't think that any of these "dreams" would really be the ultimate goal. I wouldn't be happy for long if I made the dream come true, would I?

EDIT: Actually if I think about my ideal way of living, it is easier to think what I don't think it should be. It shouldn't be about making money, paying for mortgage, making a career, maintaining empty relationships, spending time with people I don't like, being alone, waiting for retirement, worrying about little things, merely surviving, living without meaning, faking, not being me.

 

[Midget]

There have been a few times I've wanted to drop out of school, because sometimes I doubt my grades are good enough to get into nursing school. But then someone talks some sense into me, and I KNOW I wouldn't be happy if I just gave up on my dream of being a nurse...no matter how appealing it seems, to just go to massage school and get done!

 

[speculative]

I think if you want to be both a world-class ballerina and a champion sumo wrestler, you should settle for one or the other.

 

[niffer]

Of course. I'm not about to give up on dreaming now. But compromise is a part of life. Especially since it is usually not voluntary.

 

[INTJMom]

i feel so much inspired by reading back again this thread. so that's why i bring this up again

INTJMom: so if i may ask, can you say that now you're content already with where "you're planted" at?
or there's still a strong urge , a small voice yet so strong inside your heart that kept saying "go on" to chase your dreams (to become a musician), even after all the 'harsh realities' you had encountered in the past?
...
what i do still confused, is whether it's talents, hardwork, or luck that matters the most?
...

I'd have to say that for the most part I am contented with my life.

I tried to completely deny my desire for singing and playing music for other people and it made me very unhappy.

When I said bloom where you're planted I meant that one should do what they can do where they are. My dream was all about being rich and famous and when I didn't do that, I felt like a failure. But when I realized that performing for people brings me pleasure I decided to learn to be contented with smaller venues where I could do that. I perform at least once a month for about 300 people and I have fun doing it. I also started playing music at my church a couple of months ago. I'm enjoying that immensely.

Before I went through my crisis, I didn't appreciate the opportunities I had to play for smaller audiences because I had a one-track-mind and that wasn't my dream. My dream was to play for big crowds and get big recognition.

Discontent is a big part of my personality and my life. Other types might not struggle with that as much as I do. Other people might look at my life and say, "What do you mean?! Of course you're a success!" But I was planning on climbing a 20 foot ladder and only got up a few feet, so I don't consider that success, since I didn't achieve as much as I wanted.

As far as your question about talents, hard work, or luck... it probably takes all 3.
Look at American Idol or the Dance contest show.Who wins? Not the most talented. It takes more than just talent.

 

[BlueScreen]

Settling will eat you alive. There's no point in it.

Exactly, us ENFPs have enough trouble staying in the same place when it is somewhere we really like. Imagine if we were settling for less..

We don't not reach our dreams, they evolve. If something is completely unrealistic it is normally a dream that is not truly us, because it is something we are not and can not be.

We are what we dream, and we dream of being what we are. Or maybe that's just an ENFP thing.

 

[quietmusician]

I know that I probably settle for less majority of the time. That's because I feel as if there are others who deserve more than me. Self deprecating, but whatever it's true. I don't always feel as if I should be compared with people who have greater abilities. So in the end I won't try to go beyond my limits.

 

[A Schnitzel]

It usually boils down to how much you want something.

You just need to want it more than the next guy