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  1. #11
    Senior Member SquirrelTao's Avatar
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    What is a dream? Is it a static ideal that can't evolve? And how are dreams translated into reality? Is there only one possible way or many possible way?

    If a dream is static, if it can't evolve, then it will probably be impossible to ever make reality into a "match" for the dream. But if the dream can evolve and change, then it becomes more possible to approximate it in reality.

    If there is only one possible way to translate the dream into reality, then it will probably be impossible to do so. But if there are many possible ways, then it becomes more possible to approximate the dream.

    What does it mean to translate the dream into reality? Does it have to be perfect, or can it be optimal? Is there any such thing as a static perfection, or instead, in reality, are there only optimums that are variable according to circumstances?

    How precise and specific is the dream? Is it something as hard to hit as a bulls eye with an arrow? Or instead, is it something that you can reach by casting a wide net? Can you circle around it with large circles and gradually narrow your circles until you are close to it?

    These are not just idle philosophical questions. Pondering these kinds of things has helped me come to terms with my need for "perfection". It has helped me to devise strategies for getting things done.

    One thing that helps me is to see my goal seeking as a work in process, something I can do incrementally. I go about it a little bit at a time without being disappointed that my work is not perfect, or at least optimal, yet.

    Another thing that helps me is to set goals that are capable of flexing enough to contain all my shifting moods and interests. That way I can maintain some continuity even though I may have gotten bored with some aspect of what I was doing in pursuit of the goal. I can focus on a different aspect that is also productive.

  2. #12
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    Settling will eat you alive. There's no point in it.

  3. #13
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    I think we all have times in our lives where we feel the need to just "give up," because the future seems bleak, endless/unpromising. We get burnt out.

    But ya know what? That feeling's only temporary. It's tough when there's no kind of support/encouragement from family/friends, but you just have to hang onto faith/remember what truly makes you happy.

    Sometimes I want to just forget about my career aspirations, because I'm NOT a rich kid whom my parents can just pay for my education.. The sad part is, I want to be a fricken Social Worker and it's dang expensive just to get myself through my master's degree so that I can what? Deal with government beauracracy/all the bullshit? In the end, I realize, it's worth it, because helping those in most need makes me happy.

    Life's about listening to what's most important to us. Who cares about what others think. Be true to yourself. Pragmatism can only go so far, but it's not so pragmatic to chase something that drains us out. That sort of attempt will fail anyway. It'll just be a spiral down effect.

    Live life to it's fullest. Remember who you are/where you came from. Never lose sight of that! Constantly remind yourself of the ideal life you dream of.. set mini-goals day-by-day. It'll be okay!

  4. #14
    Member Lalaru's Avatar
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    I will tell you when I finally figure out what my dreams are... I am in college right now so I am floundering between art and science. My real dream I think is to become a physicist or a a cosmologist. But since my natural talent rests in art and computers, I have been pursuing that instead. We will see how it all plays out, my naive dreams have not been quashed yet!

    (Oh, I have seen the anime "Honey and Clover." Is was my favourite show ever!)

  5. #15
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Default Chase your dreams and bloom where you're planted.

    Quote Originally Posted by niki View Post
    this is especially for any NFP out there, has this idea ever struck you?
    what i mean by settling for less is simply: to basically find your dreams is almost impossible to reach, and thus, you just decided to settle for less, less than your dreams & your aspirations (or dreams).
    and what about u guys?
    have any of u ever felt this?
    have any of you finally decided that your dreams is impossible to reach, and thus, you just settled for less ?
    and afterwards, did you find yourself more happy, or much miserable than before? (ie: maybe because of neglecting ur true-est passion & dreams?, or you're just mad at yourself, or Life in general?)

    let's share.
    As you can tell by my name, I am obviously not an NFP, but I have felt the intense pain of "settling for less" and it's excruciating. I am finally recovering from the severe 10-year long depression I went into when I realized my dreams were never going to come true.

    I'm a singer, songwriter and musician. From the time I was 4 years old, all I wanted was to be a music artist. I dreamed of becoming rich and famous and making an impact on the whole world with my music.

    I'm at a different stage of my life than you are at. I'm not young and full of naive starry-eyed hope any more. So for me, in order to keep on living, I had to mourn the loss of my "ideal dream", and find a way to accept the life I have and appreciate it for the good things it has to offer, even though it wasn't what I originally dreamed about. More importantly, I have come to realize that my "dream" was unrealistic and unattainable, but I couldn't see that when I was young. I feel I have a more realistic assessment of my talents and abilities now, and I am thankful for the times I at least get to use them in smaller venues than I once dreamed of.
    I have had some success in small ways, and I'm actually going to be playing music later today in front of about 300 people.

    The thing I did right though was to pursue my dream. At least I TRIED. I don't have to look back on my life with regret and wonder what would have happened if I had tried. Nowadays when I watch American Idol, if I'm being honest with myself, I have to admit that I never really had what it takes to make it - not big anyway.

    My life is pretty awesome though. I have a faithful, hard-working husband and three beautiful, intelligent children. We have a roof over our heads, food on our table and clothes on our back. We have peace, joy and harmony for the most part. And we don't have paparazzi following us around everywhere we go, invading our privacy. (That's got to count for something!)

    My dreams didn't come true, so I'm blooming where I'm planted.
    And I think that's the important point.

    Chase your dreams and bloom where you're planted.

  6. #16
    Member hiddengem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    So for me, in order to keep on living, I had to mourn the loss of my "ideal dream", and find a way to accept the life I have and appreciate it for the good things it has to offer, even though it wasn't what I originally dreamed about.
    Maybe this is something that an NF is unable to reconcile. Or maybe it is a maturity issue. But I think it is true no matter what type you are, INTJMom makes a good point. We all have dreams and asperations. Whether or not we pursue them we have to live with the way our life turns out. If you fill your life with regret over lost dreams then you risk not finding any joy. I found the quote below to be very comforting as I am looking back on the choices I have made in my life.

    You make the choices you make based on what you know about yourself and what you think you know about the world. And sometimes the world will turn around and break your heart, but other times, ... the reality of what you wound up with will suddenly seem like the only possible choice -- it just couldn't have turned out any other way.

  7. #17
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hiddengem View Post
    Maybe this is something that an NF is unable to reconcile. Or maybe it is a maturity issue. But I think it is true no matter what type you are, INTJMom makes a good point. We all have dreams and aspirations. Whether or not we pursue them we have to live with the way our life turns out. If you fill your life with regret over lost dreams then you risk not finding any joy. I found the quote below to be very comforting as I am looking back on the choices I have made in my life.

    You make the choices you make based on what you know about yourself and what you think you know about the world. And sometimes the world will turn around and break your heart, but other times, ... the reality of what you wound up with will suddenly seem like the only possible choice -- it just couldn't have turned out any other way.
    Good point.
    Understand I was forced to reconcile myself to the harsh truth when I was 40 years old.
    When I was 18, wild horses couldn't have dragged it out of me.

    I have a new journal. The cover reads:
    "Sometimes on the way to a dream
    you get lost and find a better one."

  8. #18
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    "Sometimes on the way to a dream
    you get lost and find a better one."
    I agree with that.

    I think when we're younger we dream big and abstractly... because that's where we HAVE to start. (If your goal is to maximize results, it's always better to try too much and not get there than it is to not try enough and not reach the max potential. And looked at that way, failure is not really failure, it's simply a clarification of where the immovable boundaries around your dreams are.)

    So we start with an abstraction of our dreams, and the act of pursuing them is what (1) opens doors and (2) helps us clarify realistically what we can attain and (3) what we actually WANT to attain.

    The quickest way to stagnation is to hold idealistic dreams and not pursue any of them because you are trying to do it all perfectly and not make any wrong turns, or refuse to take tangible even if messy steps to actualize them. Abstracted dreams are safe; only the tangible ones can become failures; but the failures teach us something.

    So the abstracted dreams are more like a catalyst to move us to act and clarify our REAL dreams, rather than the direct object of our fuzzy aspirations. We pursue them until we can hone in.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #19
    Senior Member niki's Avatar
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    wow
    a lot of really good posts here!
    i'm just thankful to you guys, for all these wonderful advises & posts!
    it's making me more clear & determined of what i should do (wow..look at this, a 'determined' NFP! ) . hope my determination will last long, and doesn't fickle or change , or dwindle down again!

    keep posting, guys!
    i think (& hope) a lot can be learned from this thread. after all, most of us has a each own's dream, right?

  10. #20
    Member BlownAway's Avatar
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    Interesting thread!

    I've struggled with this dilemma too, my entire life. I've tried to settle for less, in the careerarea, lovearea etc. etc...but it just isn't possible! I think, as an NF (ok, maybe other types too), you can't ignore your inner voice or your dreams..if you do, it will eat you from the inside.

    So, I try to fulfill my dreams as much as I can..keep struggling..and hope it's worth it in the end. Sometimes I get tired of everything and want to give up, but I simply can't..it's not in my nature. One day I'll be working with MBTI, helping people reach their potential, exploring the world with my soulmate and so on...

    Nice to read all this..and see that there are others out there, everywhere in the world, with similar thoughts !

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