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  1. #1
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    Default Does Anyone Have Indecisiveness?

    Sometimes, i get pretty indecisive about things...

    does anyone know how to get from indecisive to decisive? and just not regret things?

  2. #2
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    In answer to your first question:

    *Like Nike said (and you know they employ millions of our cousins worldwide L.O.L.Z.) -- "Just do it" Or don't. Or do. Or not. Or...

    Damn.



    In answer to your second:

    *Lots and lots of alcohol. Or whatever drug that erases your memory. Ever watch "Momento"?
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

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    I'm pretty sure atm that this is a SILLY THREAD. Things could change tho.

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    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Okay, more seriously --

    You have to live with the bitterness of regret enough to motivate you and make you never to want to feel like that again. A little bit of self-loathing, if only for motivational purposes and extremely compartmentalized, is okay. :P

    You have to know that you control your present and future. Your 'locus of power' is on you. The universe doesn't run you. You don't necessarily run the universe either (do you? ) but you can live in this and still create your life for yourself. You have enough things you have direct control over or can get a handle on to more than reasonably shape your life the way you want. And that you are resilient enough to bounce back and adapt when things don't turn out the way you want (Come on, we're ENFP, we got that part down ) Basically, empower yourself. Or rather, realize that you are already empowered.

    Don't over think things.

    When presented with a problem or choice, be very honest with yourself and ask yourself if you can live with your decision. If fear is deciding for you. What you really want to do.

    Then jump, run like hell, and don't look back!

    And/Or

    Take the other path. Remember, not acting on something is a choice. If you choose not to act on something that's great. For instance, founder of a new religion knocks on your door and asks you to convert. You think carefully about it and say no thanks. It's totally okay to say no to things.

    But if you come to a decision through DEFAULT, that's a sucky choice. Or rather, a sucky way of making a decision and living.

    Running out of time and chances, letting other people and circumstances decide for us because we know we don't want to commit to anything ourselves or fritter away our opportunities -- generally bad.

    Fully accept whatever decision you make, mentally commit to it, accept any and all consequences BEFORE they happen. Once you have that mind set, you're pretty much good to go. Basically make peace with yourself. It makes things MUCH easier.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  5. #5
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    I'm pretty sure atm that this is a SILLY THREAD. Things could change tho.
    Ha! Changed it!

    How you like THEM apples??

    BTW, I fucking detest DamFleck with a passion.

    Dude, if this thread does go downhill, I'm erasing my previous post. My advice don't come cheap!!!
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  6. #6
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Running out of time and chances, letting other people and circumstances decide for us because we know we don't want to commit to anything ourselves or fritter away our opportunities -- generally bad.

    Fully accept whatever decision you make, mentally commit to it, accept any and all consequences BEFORE they happen. Once you have that mind set, you're pretty much good to go. Basically make peace with yourself. It makes things MUCH easier.
    hmmm.... yeah this sounds pretty true

    kewl! =D

    ssang kyu

  7. #7
    Senior Member niki's Avatar
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    CzeCze: your post is very inspiring , and it gives me some boost!
    thanks for giving me an insight into such an otherwise a pretty much "doh!" thing!hehe
    (see I've praised you again! :p )

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    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Modern Nomad View Post
    Sometimes, i get pretty indecisive about things... does anyone know how to get from indecisive to decisive? and just not regret things?
    My boss once called me the "poster child for ambivalence."

    Later, he felt embarrassed by saying it.
    I still quote it, though, because it makes me laugh: He was SOOOOO right.

    The only thing that cured me was time and the demands of life.

    When I was young, I had the space and time and energy to be indecisive. I also took everything far too seriously, as if I had to make the right decision up front (whether to avoid looking foolish, or else simply because I could not trust my own strength to work through calamity).

    But after awhile, once you get a sense of (1) some issues just are NOT worth so much energy investment and (2) how capable you are to deal with mistakes you might make, it gets easier. You just make a decision so that you can get the situation wrapped up, and then you change your decision as you go if you realized you boo-boo'ed.

    As far as personal preference? That's been the hardest. For a long time I had no idea what I *wanted* and thus could not just respond from that. After awhile, you either learn to tap into it and/or learn not to take "preference" questions so seriously, so you can just decide to want something and, again, change as you go if necessary.

    Many of your solutions will depend on the situation and why you are being indecisive (i.e., what you're "afraid of").

    I talked to someone else about the decisions they were making in life (they were torn too), and they quoted this part of my note. I remind myself of this now too, when I forget:

    Remember that feeling.
    Remember what happened when you went with things.
    Never forget it.
    No regrets.
    Making decisions often feels good.
    Regrets only ruin the moment, and don't resolve anything.
    Regrets are just punishments we inflict on ourselves for not finding the "perfect solution."
    Accept ambiguity and complexity, accept that all decisions have pro's and con's, and embrace your life.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #9
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    I find that now that I am more self confident, making decisions is not quite as hard.

    The difference for me is that I accept that I am doing the best I can all the time. Sure I am going to make some mistakes but I know I can handle them and take ownership without it breaking me down. This was a big turning point.

    So for me, with the self trust came the decisiveness.

  10. #10
    Senior Member SquirrelTao's Avatar
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    I can be pretty indecisive. The reason is because I'm always trying to think of something better. Is that why you are indecisive? Do you think you're missing something or about to get a better idea? I know how to make decisions the rational way by gathering relevant information, listing options, weighing the pros and cons of each option, etc. The problem I have is that even when I arrive at a decision in this way, I do not feel right about it. So then my mind does not stop trying to think of something better. So then I haven't really made a decision. When I feel right about a decision, it just gels.

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