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  1. #21
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I don't really want to help this person grow I tried being the friend thing and I tried being sympathetic, listening to her complain, and I see her staying the same selfish person doing the same things over and over again.\. I just want ways for me to cope, and not be manipulated. and then in may when my lease is up unless she does a complete 180 I move out.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  2. #22
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    No I wasn't trying to say for her personal growth or anything, I just think that he's right in that you'll a better response out of them by activating their Fe.

    In my experience with people in general, there's no way for me to escape the guilt thing, so I just have to try and ignore it and push on with what I need to do for myself. Let me tell you about my in-laws and brother sometime, ugh major manipulators, major guilt producers when things don't go their way. ugh, ugh ugh. That's why God made answering machines!

  3. #23
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Did it not occur to you that go to store to get baking soda vs take on ten year + commitment of dog is a somewhat uneven deal...? Sorta like 'help me with this zipper and I'll give you my Ferrari"?

    I'd have said "Sod you then, I'll go to the store myself."
    Knowing the person from previous experience, was someone not likely to follow through on promises or deals, there's pretty much nothing that could've persuaded me to give in to her request, no deal, no promise of hers no matter how big, because it wouldn't be worth the air molecules it was transmitted on.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  4. #24
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Did it not occur to you that go to store to get baking soda vs take on ten year + commitment of dog is a somewhat uneven deal...? Sorta like 'help me with this zipper and I'll give you my Ferrari"?

    I'd have said "Sod you then, I'll go to the store myself."
    Knowing the person from previous experience, was someone not likely to follow through on promises or deals, there's pretty much nothing that could've persuaded me to give in to her request, no deal, no promise of hers no matter how big, because it wouldn't be worth the air molecules it was transmitted on.
    I was still drinking coffee...so no. bad excuse I know.

    So if I help you with your zipper you'll give me a Ferrari? where's this zipper you need help with?
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #25
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    ^ lol, When I first read that, I totally understood how that happened! It's an INFP thang...

    Getting caught when Te is still sleeping.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I was still drinking coffee...so no. bad excuse I know.
    OK, future disaster avoidance tactic: make NO your default answer to everything, and then later you can change your mind if you want to after you've thought about it.

    If you can't say 'no', like if that's too much assertiveness all in one go, try 'I'll think about it'. But under no circumstances say 'yes' to anything when the person has approached you. Make your 'yes' the thing you say when you approach them after you've thought about it.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  7. #27
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    INFP thought blunders are very, very hard to avoid because the very thing needed to avoid them is malfunctioning and so easy to get caught up on the one detail "I need baking soda" and not even realize that thinking is hung up. *sigh* it's very hard even after knowing this about one's self because the very aparatus that lets you see it is happening is the apparatus that malfuctions to make it happen. ... no one really probably understood what I just said...

  8. #28
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    but even with Te hung up, you can still realize that somebody's asking you something, and develop a habit of just saying no until you've had a chance to figure it out.

    basically it's either that or go your entire life being made a sucker of. *shrug*
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    but even with Te hung up, you can still realize that somebody's asking you something, and develop a habit of just saying no until you've had a chance to figure it out.

    basically it's either that or go your entire life being made a sucker of. *shrug*
    It's not an either or situation. I am telling you based on experience that yes I can aspire to be watchful for it and I have developed a habit to say I'll think about it and I do catch it like 98.999 percent of the time, but sooner or later I get caught in an unguarded moment, usually due to physical fatigue or extreme stress. It's going to happen more easily with the people one lives with.

    See, I read her post and I assumed she knows some of this about herself already but got caught in some kind of unguarded moment where baking soda became the pivotal point on which all further progress rested and well... I know the forehead slapping nature of that and feeling of self-recrimination and the frustration of it that all comes afterwards when thinking clears and one realizes "man oh man all I had to do was say I'll think about it".

  10. #30
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    LOL it's amazing for me to hear all this, I wouldn't have imagined anyone could seriously work like that hahaha

    Cos see, though for me honouring agreements and keeping promises is practically a pathological obsession (really!), if I'd made a 'deal' like that I wouldn't have felt any compunction about going back on it later on. In fact I'm pretty sure that even an INFP can notice within minutes that they've just done a very silly thing, and the option exists of saying "wait a minute - ha, nice try, you almost got me there! yeah right, that's a fair deal, NOT!"

    Even if it weren't for hours or until the time came for you to honour the agreement, the option still exists to say "Haha, nice one, like you're gonna convince me that you REALLY thought I'd be stupid enough to agree to getting a dog in exchange for some baking soda??"

    The way i see it, any promise or agreement extracted under duress or unfair conditions is no deal, basically.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

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