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  1. #11
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I want to be as caring as I appear, but sometimes I get overwhelmed and/or frustrated. As I've gotten older, I've learned to be more selective about whom I help and with what, but I'll probably always have a compulsion to try to please and help people.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
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  2. #12
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I want to be as caring as I appear, but sometimes I get overwhelmed and/or frustrated. As I've gotten older, I've learned to be more selective about whom I help and with what, but I'll probably always have a compulsion to try to please and help people.
    4 444 posts! Wow!
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  3. #13
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    4 444 posts! Wow!
    Hey, you're almost at 1337!

    Zing!
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  4. #14
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angry Ayrab View Post
    This is a serious thread.

    I know a few ENFJ's and maybe one or two INFJ's and these people are seriously too nice to be true. They really do go out of their way to make sure everyone is happy. Are they really as nice inside as they are outside? This is a serious inquiry. Also, what is your reasoning from a practical or theoretical perspective?

    And to all the xNFJ's don't be shy, whats your perspective.
    I think it depends on the XNFJ.. I have similar traits where I make sure that the people I'm with feel comfortable/are treated well. It's just how I am/especially how I was brought up.

    Generally speaking, the ENFJs that I met are TRULY warm-hearted/genuinely sincere. There are some cases in which they can be cautious and not be as warm/sincere, but that also depends on what their perception of the 'other' party is like, how (un)guarded they are. I think most people have apprehension when they first meet someone.

    With INFJs I know in real life, they don't go out of their way to make others happy. In fact, they're really quiet, reserved and rather not go out of their way- it just depends on how close they feel to the other person..

    All in all, most XNFJs I know are sincerely 'well-intentioned,' one may be a bit more narcissistic than the others (mainly due to upbringing, but that person has a soft-spot as well)..

    From a practical/theoretical perspective? I think that being oneself where we don't hold back, but understand boundaries/limits allows for a healthy self-esteem. If one cannot open up/communicate well, it's counterproductive to living. We're social creatures, so it would be really unhealthy for someone who's naturally warm/friendly to deny themselves from who they truly are, at heart..

  5. #15
    Senior Member mlittrell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    I'm pretty sure they're trapped between being genuinely sincerely caring and being that necessary-for-survival amount of self-absorbed and selfish. And the fact that they're soo good interpersonally makes for it to seem that they care more about random people than they do, and sometimes that makes them feel guilty.

    /speaking for other people.

    good call.
    "Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress. "

    "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

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  6. #16
    Senior Member mlittrell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    Hey, you're almost at 1337!

    Zing!
    I clocked 87 yesterday lol. It was my first day on.
    "Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress. "

    "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

    Mahatma Gandhi

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  7. #17
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    i love to help, but i help selectively, i want to HELP not to do the work for them.
    this also has to do with the fact that i simply do not have any sort of motivation to do something, if i am the only beneficiary, unless its something i desperately need, or something that i need to help others more.

    also, don't think that the help you are receiving is left unpayed, help is social currency, it creates the quid pro quo(or how u spell the last word ) effect, and works like a guarantee that one day i too will receive you're help in case of need
    the word that springs up in the mind of most is manipulation, but manipulation differs from perspective, it can be good or bad

    i hope this wont cause most readers here to jump of the walls or something, its just an explanation of how i feel about Helping

  8. #18
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think that there is a very genuine urge to care and to help in my case (INFJ). I feel that we are put here to help people realize their potential and to do good in the world, which is why I became a teacher.

    There are a few people that I realize are takers, unlikely to change and don't accept boundaries, so those people don't get my nice side. Over time, I have had to learn to not overpromise things and also warn people when they are beginning to approach the line of me not wanting to help them anymore.

    Some people however do assume that I am more in sympathy with them than I truly am because I don't offer a lot of opinions about things that matter unless they are solicited. Most people then assume that I agree with them which isn't true.

    Also because we try to put ourself in others' shoes we are less likely to write people off as quickly. This can be construed as caring, when it may be only gathering enough data to make an informed opinion about someone. We often give the benefit of the doubt unless there is an immediate bad gut feeling about the person.

    We don't stir up conflict just for the fun of it, nor are we very blunt and so people often do think that we are generically nice without considering that there is more to us than what they see on the surface.

  9. #19
    Senior Member whimsical's Avatar
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    I actually do go out of my way to be as nice as I can to everyone I meet because I know it means a lot, and that I would look for the same when I'm trying to form a friendship. However if you do something to disqualify these feelings of warmth I am sending, they will no longer be sent your way.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #20
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    There are many other types with excellent interpersonal skills who appear warm and friendly. It's important to not type someone as NFJ because they seem nice. Good interpersonal skills have surprisingly little relationship to actual intent or what a person is actually like. The two might coincide, but then again these might not. It depends a great deal on the degree to which they create image vs. authenticity.

    I'm not saying NFJs are evil or wonderful. I'm not even saying they are always the ones with the strong interpersonal skills. My point is that friendly, smiling behavior tells you close to zero about what a person is actually like. It can tell you something if they still are like that when you are in a position of vulnerability. As long as they can gain something by acting nice towards you, then it is completely meaningless.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

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