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[NF] What goes inside an NFs head?

1010830

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ENTJ-A with an overly underveloped Fi here.
Please explain what this feelings word means and how can I feel empathy towards other people.
What is the process that goes on your head when you put yourself inside another person's shoes, how can you feel what someone else is feeling, etc.
I can't understand that at all so I'm taking the liberty of posting on this sub-forum to ask.
 

Dreamer

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I'm currently working with a pupil with the exact concern as yours :newwink: This isn't an easy process since it can feel so foreign for an ENTJ, but the first step would be to recognize your own emotions, and feel them strongly. When you feel something, anything really, try to do whatever you can to exaggerate those emotions, and really feel them. For example, if I feel sad, I turn on sad music and cry my heart out. If I feel happy, I like to get outside and socialize. I also like to express my emotions through art. Doing such activities will make it easier for you to recognize what emotions your feeling, and what exactly, brought on those emotions for you.

Don't brush them aside or feel they are of no use to you. Trust me, once you have a strong enough grasp on your own emotions, you can then start to feel the emotions of others, and then empathize with others. Taking it a step further, getting in touch with your Fi will also allow you to work a crowd and get onto a totally new level of communication and social interaction, and all of it will become second nature for you.

Good luck! :D

If you want, feel free to PM me and we can chat more about it.
 

magpie

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I can't feel what someone else is feeling, but I can try and understand what they're feeling based on the way our experiences overlap, my ability to imagine, and their ability to explain their emotional state. Even if I don't understand I can still recognize that their emotions are important and work to validate them and help in whatever way has been requested of me. Sometimes seeing someone who is very sad just makes me feel very sad too, and I want to hug and comfort them, or make all the suffering in the world go away.
 

Siúil a Rúin

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ENTJ-A with an overly underveloped Fi here.
Please explain what this feelings word means and how can I feel empathy towards other people.
What is the process that goes on your head when you put yourself inside another person's shoes, how can you feel what someone else is feeling, etc.
I can't understand that at all so I'm taking the liberty of posting on this sub-forum to ask.
The best way to start with empathy is to listen carefully to the person you are trying to empathize with, and to be open to what they say even if it doesn't make sense. You could ask questions to help you really understand it. You could also afterwards reflect on times you have had emotions within the same general category and remember how it felt and what that experience was like for you.

One issue with non-empathy is immediate dismissal of what the person is thinking or feeling. If it doesn't make sense to someone, they will likely dismiss it outright. To have empathy is to listen and assume the person is credible and any confusion about their words means one listens more carefully and asks questions until they can understand it. And if it is too confusing to understand, to still allow it credibility and take it seriously.

Edit: empathy starts with respect.
 

Amargith

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You've already gotten some good advice, so I'm just going to toss this one out (a pet peeve of mine as an Ne dom):

To promote that vital respect mentioned above, realise and be aware at all times that other people experience things differently, have different and equally valid priorities to yours and will value things differently than you. By listening, you can learn what they value and how that differs from what you value - provided you first have that sorted out (for that matter, they can act as a mirror and cause thought provoking ideas on where you stand and particularly WHY you hold that position in a particular situation).

Remember that your way of life is a preference, as is theirs - and they're bound to both have their benefits and their downsides. To understand their preference, you listen. And then you try to imagine what it would be like to have that preference. Then you imagine having that preference in the ongoing situation and how that then would impact you, and voila - the beginnings of mastering the Art of Empathy :wink:

Lastly, I'll just add that building empathy is like building up your core through rigorously working out. It is frustratingly slow at times, important to be happy with small improvements and not overload yourself, often fraught with resistance and painful the next day, but utterly worth it. Kudos on taking that very first step so willingly!
 

Kas

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Edit: empathy starts with respect.

This is a great comment.


We can't really know what is someone thinking/feeling, we can only guess. Making an effort to understand what they come through is already a lot.

I sense emotions very easily. E.g. if the person is getting angry or sad I will notice it early. So it's easier to me to do calm them down or comfort them.
It's guessing what somebody thinks, that is difficult.
I usually imagine what I would feel in particular situation and then think about how person differs from me and how their approach to the situation and feelings will be different. It may sound like a detour , but it's automatic and comes naturally.
 

huayra207

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Why not try another approach as well? Notice their body language and their movements; how they move themselves while talking about something, telling you about stuff and spilling their problems? While listening, try asking questions to yourself - why are they feeling that way? Account for their previous tendencies and actions. When that fails, at the very least be open enough to simply listen and think about it to yourself, and not jot out an advice as the guy tells you about something. Sometimes the best thing next to empathy is simply empathy - feeling other's pain.
 
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A fairly old thread but I'll answer anyway.

I don't feel someone else's emotions. Emotions usually have a logical root to them. Unless someone is completely insane you can trace the emotion to an origin. A situation that birthed it. There's a story attached to the current state of mind. Read the prologue and chapters before the present circumstances and you can better fit yourself into the mindset of the individual you're speaking with. If you can't relate directly to an experience chances are you can draw from a similar scenario. If not, put yourself in the situation and imagine what you'd feel. INFPs fantasize- a lot. What about? A myriad of possibilities, some fairly realistic and some wildly outlandish and unlikely to ever occur. We role play in our minds and so I think it's easy to slip into people's mindsets because of that. At least that's how I see it.
 

Dreamer

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A fairly old thread but I'll answer anyway.

I don't feel someone else's emotions. Emotions usually have a logical root to them. Unless someone is completely insane you can trace the emotion to an origin. A situation that birthed it. There's a story attached to the current state of mind. Read the epilogue and chapters before the present circumstances and you can better fit yourself into the mindset of the individual you're speaking with. If you can't relate directly to an experience chances are you can draw from a similar scenario. If not, put yourself in the situation and imagine what you'd feel. INFPs fantasize- a lot. What about? A myriad of possibilities, some fairly realistic and some wildly outlandish and unlikely to ever occur. We role play in our minds and so I think it's easy to slip into people's mindsets because of that. At least that's how I see it.

THIS, all of it above, is why I find it extremely difficult to genuinely hate or dismiss someone. When I tell people I don't come to haste judgements of others, it's because of what you've described here, the secret sauce. If you approach everyone with the understanding of how emotions work and flow through people, all you need is a few tidbits about their life to get a sense of who they are as a person, and why they think or do the things they do. I am constantly "explaining" to myself the actions others do as a default, second-nature sort of process. Even if someone were to intentionally harm me, it is easy for me to forgive them because I understand their inner workings. I will still feel that initial pain, but it is almost always relieved within at most, a few hours? because I see that outburst towards me, as a reaction to what they feel inside. It's akin to having a thick skin, without actually having a thick skin. I'm a fairly sensitive person really, but this is what gives me that quick rebound from attacks.
 
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THIS, all of it above, is why I find it extremely difficult to genuinely hate or dismiss someone. When I tell people I don't come to haste judgements of others, it's because of what you've described here, the secret sauce. If you approach everyone with the understanding of how emotions work and flow through people, all you need is a few tidbits about their life to get a sense of who they are as a person, and why they think or do the things they do. I am constantly "explaining" to myself the actions others do as a default, second-nature sort of process. Even if someone were to intentionally harm me, it is easy for me to forgive them because I understand their inner workings. I will still feel that initial pain, but it is almost always relieved within at most, a few hours? because I see that outburst towards me, as a reaction to what they feel inside. It's akin to having a thick skin, without actually having a thick skin. I'm a fairly sensitive person really, but this is what gives me that quick rebound from attacks.
I noticed that about you. Though we think alike I admire the diplomatic nature you project. You seem to pause and reflect even in the face of a verbal assault. You weigh your response carefully and calmly and that is an exercise in patience that I completely lack. Once someone fires off aggressively I'm returning fire without hesitation even when sometimes I should take a moment and figure out where their anger is coming from. It's a great quality to have especially when trying to mediate a dispute.
 
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Everyone's already given great advice, and this is old but I'll put my two cents in anyway haha. You should definitely take the time to embrace your own emotions both good and bad. Acknowledge its presence and honestly experience how good/bad it feels. Owning that vulnerability but not being defeated by it makes you stronger and wiser. Once you've got a handle on your own feelings, it's important to just listen and ask questions to others, rather than give them instructions/advice. Because it comes off as presumptuous when you dont know the whole story. Feeling listened to alone can make someone feel better, they might not even need advice. The key is to respect the person and what they're feeling. Feelings aren't foreign germs that need to be exterminated, it's something every human being experiences no matter how logical you may be, it's how we know we're alive. It's how we connect with others, for example you may not have lost your mother but we've all felt loss. Identify the emotion and that's how you connect to a person and help them.
 

Froody Blue Gem

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I would say in my head, I think a lot about things I am interested in. I live in a world of nonsense and randomness and I may also think about people, shows, characters, and animals. How ideas can be improved or what else could be. I can be a sensitive person so empathy is a factor but I would say it depends on the situation. Kind of thinking about other people and how one would feel in their position, comparing to other situations would help.

This had to be learned for me on some level though, it came more naturally thinking about animals than with people. The world of my head is a safe place I retreat to. I may get stuck in a loop thinking about certain things. Focussing on what I know/the facts and digging into the what if is also how it works. Images come to mind too but only in flashes.
 
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