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  1. #21
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Do you mean an ENFP and an ENFJ dating?

    Ha! Ha! Ha!

    It is statistically possible, and I'm sure there are those on this forum who will contradict me. Nonetheless, I'll tell you that I've never heard of such a pairing lasting for any length of time.

    ENFPs and ENFJs relationships are notorious for being filled with misunderstanding.

    ENFP = Ne > Fi > Te > Si
    ENFJ = Fe > Ni > Se > Ti

    Not a function in common in the top four functions. Egad!
    Goddamnit.
    Oh, its
    You
    ....

  2. #22
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    ENFPs and ENFJs relationships are notorious for being filled with misunderstanding.

    ENFP = Ne > Fi > Te > Si
    ENFJ = Fe > Ni > Se > Ti

    Not a function in common in the top four functions. Egad!
    on the contrary, ENFJ is one of my favorite matches. yes sometimes it's thorny but the balance that can be struck is amazing. you both cover each other's weaknesses, and you often arrive at the same places via very opposite paths. it takes patience and some conflict but i think it's so very worth it.

    that is my experience, at least.

    as for INFP, i had a wonderful lovey-dovey cute fuzzy sort-of-relationship with an INFP (it was a summer thing) but it didn't really have any direction or whatever. i felt we were adorable but kind of removed from the real world. and it killed me to always be the more organized one, god. the problem is that one of you is gonna have to be more Ti/Te and one is gonna have to be more Fe.

    i find that to be the real problem with mirror matches that NFJ covers for perfectly. with an NFJ you can both specialize and work together from different angles. with an NFP you're going to naturally see through one another's eyes but you don't gain the advantages of the other functions when you work as a couple. and to me, it's important to work together.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Do you mean an ENFP and an ENFJ dating?

    Ha! Ha! Ha!

    It is statistically possible, and I'm sure there are those on this forum who will contradict me. Nonetheless, I'll tell you that I've never heard of such a pairing lasting for any length of time.

    ENFPs and ENFJs relationships are notorious for being filled with misunderstanding.

    ENFP = Ne > Fi > Te > Si
    ENFJ = Fe > Ni > Se > Ti

    Not a function in common in the top four functions. Egad!
    what about ENFP-ENFJ friendship?

    i think the same as you. I had bff ENFJ... well while i loved her to death and had best times of my life with her.. our personalities just clashed totally. Completely different ways of looking at things.
    I'd be more tolerant now when i know of MBTI but then I just thought she is not being authentic because she's Fe dom.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Anamalech's Avatar
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    ENFP+INFP= A waste of time.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    I think there is some validity to what you said about there being inherent problems with the man being the P in a P/J couple.

    Those INxJs do like to be in control. I'll give 'em that. For example, I was talking to an INFJ male about a year ago and in the middle of the conversation he decided he needed to move into the other room. He said in a very authoritative voice, "Come on with me." ... And, I followed him without even thinking about it.

    Later, I reflected on this and was amazed that I just instantly did as he asked. Normally, I'm very independent and deeply resent the feeling I'm being bossed around. But it wasn't quite that he was bossing me around. It was more like he knew what he wanted to do. I was just sitting back and soaking it all in... and so I was, "Well, OK. Why not follow him. He obviously needs to move to the other room."

    Usually, I hold my own with INFJs/INTJs just fine. But I have to make a conscious effort sometimes to not them them set the agenda. It normally takes a while for me to get my bearings in the relationship enough after which I'll start asserting my own agenda. Then the antics ensue.

    The INxJ has to be willing to dial bac their J-ness to meet me in the middle. The ones who don't will get cast aside or leave on their own. (And, I must also be willing to curtail my P-excesses as well.)
    My best friend is an INFJ and we get along very well. We've talked about our differences and MTBI, and she definitely knows her own mind and likes to set the agenda. I've learned over the years to let her know what I'd like to do, and she accomodates me now. Because she does that, I let her do what she wants because she wants it and enjoys it. If someone listens to what I want and gives me the lead at times, I'm happy. It's funny that most people think that I don't want to take the lead. I'm perfectly happy to. They feel that letting others do what they'd like must mean meekness when it just means I enjoy the back seat because sometimes (coughs) I'm lost in my thoughts.

    I have a good male friend who's an NFP who's in a relationship with an NFJ--I can already see that she's setting the agenda in a big way and that he's following along. Knowing him I think this may get old. He's easygoing and to some he may seem passive but he knows his own mind. He's not so much passive as he just likes to sit back and watch things for a while and comtemplate. Now, I think he's letting her take the lead, but at some point I think he's going to feel that he's lost in the relationship. The P and J difference can loom large. I'd prefer a fellow P. I don't like to be dominated or told what to do and prefer the camaraderie of another Perceiver. Even if you have trouble making decisions because each wants to defer to the other, that can be offset if one decides to just take the reins and the outcome be damned. (I often hesitate because it has to be the "right" decision and there are many angles to look at, but I'm learning to not hesitate as much).

  6. #26
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    "He's not so much passive as he just likes to sit back and watch things for a while and comtemplate."

    That's it -- that's me. I don't like to act/react in the heat of the moment. A J-type will see this as passive but I like to assess a situation first before acting. J-types seems to have the attitude, "We must do something ... this is something ... we must do this!"

    I can't relate to people who want to just jump in with minimal information ... just not me at all. I don't think a P and J relationship is workable -- the P will feel dominated, whether male or female.

  7. #27
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren View Post
    I've learned over the years to let her know what I'd like to do, and she accomodates me now. Because she does that, I let her do what she wants because she wants it and enjoys it. If someone listens to what I want and gives me the lead at times, I'm happy. It's funny that most people think that I don't want to take the lead. I'm perfectly happy to. They feel that letting others do what they'd like must mean meekness when it just means I enjoy the back seat because sometimes (coughs) I'm lost in my thoughts.
    haha yes exactly!!!

    i don't mind taking the lead but i usually don't feel much of a need to. if it makes someone else happier to lead, that's fine with me. what irks me is when my opinion is ignored because the other person assumes i don't have one, since i usually let them take charge. i don't mind going with the flow, but treat me like a doormat and you're in for it.

    at the same time, i understand how another person could assume they were just doing what i wanted to do by always taking the reins. if i don't tell them when i have a strong opinion about something, it's not their fault that they contradict it.

    so i have learned to speak up more.

    Quote Originally Posted by tortoise
    I don't think a P and J relationship is workable -- the P will feel dominated, whether male or female.
    hehe, actually, lately i prefer a J. they help me keep my shit together. and it's not bad to practice asserting yourself, especially with someone who cares about you. relationships with Ps are more relaxed in some ways but they're too relaxed for me sometimes.

  8. #28
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Exactly. I'm easy-going but the MOMENT someone takes advantage of that or assumes it it can be taken for granted, I suddenly change and take them by surprise ...

  9. #29
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    actually, lately i prefer a J. they help me keep my shit together. and it's not bad to practice asserting yourself, especially with someone who cares about you. relationships with Ps are more relaxed in some ways but they're too relaxed for me sometimes.
    This is a good point skylights. I've grown to appreciate both my P and my J friends. The P/P combination can be too relaxed in the extreme. And, my J friends can sometimes be too structured and even rigid.

    So I've found that it's not about me preferring to be with a P or a J. It's about me finding the best out of either situation.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by tortoise View Post
    Exactly. I'm easy-going but the MOMENT someone takes advantage of that or assumes it it can be taken for granted, I suddenly change and take them by surprise ...
    I have no idea what this means. Do you assume that your S/O is going to take advantage of you?

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