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  1. #1
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Default How do NFs experience crushes?

    When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

    Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

    How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  2. #2
    Member Elwin_Ransom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

    Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

    How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)
    Can I respond!?

    Here's my take on the matter. When I have a crush, my world stops. The crush does not let up. Long lasting is definitely the case. Well, of a true crush that is, not some simple acts of flirting. Such a crush tends to cripple me, and, at the same time, make me come alive in a way that I didn't know was possible.

    Well, at least that's how things have been with Varelse. Do I see her as idealized? Not really. Objectively, I know she has flaws (sorry to say it, Varelse), but subjectively, I can't help but feel like she is perfect for me. I see her faults, but it's not her faults that are important to me. The love is what is important, the personality, the potential, these are the things that matter to me. These are the things I see. I see the real person, and I love every part of it, including the flaws (the flaws give me hope of being accepted by her since I could never keep up with true perfection ).

    How does this crush (which I don't even consider a crush now) affect decision making? It practically dominates decision making for me. Whether it is feelings or logic that actually decides the specific actions, I find that all decisions stem from my trying to do what I think is best for her. How that affects me becomes irrelevant.

    She's just that awesome.

    Does that help at all?
    I'm a man, and I'm proud of it.

  3. #3
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    Duration varies, but I used to stalk people.

    I only idealize their appearance, but I'm pretty realistic about the rest of them, I think.

    If it is a decision related to them, then they influence my feelings, and those feelings influence my decisions to a point.
    sparkly sparkly rainbow excretions

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    holy shit am I a feeler?
    if you like my avatar, it's because i took it myself! : D

  4. #4
    Guerilla Urbanist Brendan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elwin_Ransom View Post
    When I have a crush, my world stops. The crush does not let up. Long lasting is definitely the case. Well, of a true crush that is, not some simple acts of flirting. Such a crush tends to cripple me, and, at the same time, make me come alive in a way that I didn't know was possible.
    This is it exactly.
    There is no such thing as separation from God.

  5. #5
    Member J1129's Avatar
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    1) Almost always a long time because my I don't easily fall for people & things (like my interests/hobbies have always been long in duration)

    2) A mix of the three but definitely the third option. I always see that things will turn out for good in the end, & I try to have an optimistic & open mind. I try to ignore faults because we all have them.

    3) Not too much but sometimes I'll go more out of my way to do stuff for her. I'll spend more money for her or do extra stuff for her (like recently I put in more money for gas when I pumped it for her)

  6. #6
    Member Elwin_Ransom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brendan View Post
    This is it exactly.
    I assume that, for us feeling types especially, such a feeling is one of the best in the world. A crush like this tends to make me feel more weak and vulnerable than anything else in the world can, but it also tends to make me feel stronger and more capable than any other time. I'm not so sure that it's the "crush" aspect, or if that's just a result of relating to her, though. And those could be quite significantly different ideas.

    When I have a crush like this, and I assume this applies to NFs in general, I want nothing more than to be with her. This does hinder logical decision making, it would seem, in things like getting enough sleep. Then again, when in love, what seems illogical from outside tends to seem like the most sane and logical thing possible from within.

    Or maybe I'm just too much of a hopeful romantic for my own good, hmm?
    I'm a man, and I'm proud of it.

  7. #7
    Member J1129's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elwin_Ransom View Post
    =When I have a crush like this, and I assume this applies to NFs in general, I want nothing more than to be with her. This does hinder logical decision making, it would seem, in things like getting enough sleep. Then again, when in love, what seems illogical from outside tends to seem like the most sane and logical thing possible from within.

    Or maybe I'm just too much of a hopeful romantic for my own good, hmm?

    I completely agree. I'm in an open-ended, relaxed relationship (we don't want anything serious right now) & at times when I'm with her (especially when we cuddle, hug, etc) I wish moments like that would last forever & all I need in those moments is to be with her.

  8. #8
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    I don't crush very often but when I do it's a jarring experience. I'm completely thrown of balance and lose all composure. I've started blabbering and saying things that make no sense. I tend to avoid my crushes and watch them from afar.

    Sometimes the crush ends at that phase and I'm relieved. If it doesn't then I try to force myself to be around them and act normal. I'm pretty ambivalent about crushes.

  9. #9
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    I have two levels of crushes. One is lighthearted and somewhat social, the other is deep and heart wrenching. My first crush was when I was nine. I visited a little church school for one week and met a cute little boy with curly brown hair, and big brown eyes named Jim. I felt so attached to him instantly. I would play and sing "You Light Up My Life" and other songs on the classroom piano every time I got a chance. He would smile at me a lot. We never spoke, but he was friendly and would show me around. One day I was crying during recess and he looked worried and helped me along. He made me love notes on his Ding Dong wrappers over lunch and shaped them like hearts. I loved him for the next few years and longed to see him again. We moved to another state and I would climb to the top of my apple tree and write in my little diary about him. I had other crushes through adolescence and young adulthood, all felt with a deep passion and the pang of loneliness. They were typically unfulfilled. I'm accustomed to a continual sense of longing as part of life. I could have experienced passion like Juliet felt at 13 or 14 without any question.

    To answer some of the OP questions: To me it is all about 'seeing' the person. This means to see their flaws and strengths. It also means to be 'seen' by them. If love is blind, then it isn't love at all. Love is only as real as it is honest. A recurring motif of my life is one of neglect, of being overlooked. When I meet someone from whom I get an instinct that they have the capacity and desire to see me for who I am, that is when my attachment forms. It is also deeply intertwined with the desire to 'see' their inner self, completely and nakedly.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
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    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
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  10. #10
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    I don't like to randomly consider things as "love". But since I want to consider some things love that may or may not be, I consider everything love. Except for crushes. I like to say I love them as friends..or I'm in love with the mystery of them.
    sparkly sparkly rainbow excretions

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    holy shit am I a feeler?
    if you like my avatar, it's because i took it myself! : D

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