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  1. #31
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Celtinfj View Post
    Examine your patterns. What is it about these women that attract you, and what are you looking for? Lots of people choose flawed individuals because they want to fix them, heal them, or even because they're so screwed up, anyone looks better compared to them. Or perhaps you choose physical attractiveness over the substance of personality. Whatever the pattern is, it's there, and if you choose these women, then you can change that behaviour and choose someone better suited to your personality.
    My failures (minus one which was totally my fault) have all been girls who live with their parents, have not bothered to pick up post secondary anything (I include trades and beauty school here), and have low self esteem. My biggest problem seems to be my own wavering self esteem as well as a difficult to control sympathy for others (hence how much I over act my asshole role for self defence). Self esteem I'm trying to build back by adding to personal accomplishments with hopes of those things making me feel better about myself. My other effort has been in attempting to be discriminatory against girls who don't do anything after High School and live with their parents. I don't like the last bit, but I'm finding it to be a nessicary evil.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #32
    Member Celtinfj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    My failures (minus one which was totally my fault) have all been girls who live with their parents, have not bothered to pick up post secondary anything (I include trades and beauty school here), and have low self esteem. My biggest problem seems to be my own wavering self esteem as well as a difficult to control sympathy for others (hence how much I over act my asshole role for self defence). Self esteem I'm trying to build back by adding to personal accomplishments with hopes of those things making me feel better about myself. My other effort has been in attempting to be discriminatory against girls who don't do anything after High School and live with their parents. I don't like the last bit, but I'm finding it to be a nessicary evil.
    I suspect the whole not going to school and living with their parents is more resultatory than causitive. In other words, they're symptomatic to some issue these women all possess: self esteem, princess-centric, fear. I've noticed that if you ask a tough question, the answers are always incredibly insightful with regards to their headspace even if they happen to be lying. And even if the answers are all different, the results are the same. For instance, if you ask someone why they still live with their folks and they reply that, they don't have enough money to get their own place, for instance, that suggests to me that they aren't mature enough to have the type of relationship that I would want. (I'm using this as an example, please, people who live with their folks, don't get your panties in a wad. Thanks)

    Basically, what I'm getting at is that superficially it may seem like you're being discriminatory, but in reality, you're seeing the behaviour behind the behaviour, and avoiding someone who's just not suitable. That's not being discriminatory, that's being prudent.

  3. #33
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Oh, no I totally understand, I just said discriminatory for the ones who don't like the lines I drew. I may be trying to be prudent and protective of myself, but I can't help but be aware of who I'm hurting anyway with what I'm saying. My own sensitivity frustrates me.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #34
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    My crushes throughout my life have typically been overwhelming, but always to some extent hidden, and often with an assumption of them being doomed. Tragic, unrequited love i suppose. Actually more annoying than anything.

    My crushes tend to be controlled on the surface but quite reckless beneath the surface. Because of this many guys overlooked me as being too reserved and uninteresting. The irony of that is of some consolation to me.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

    I want to be just like my mother, even if she is bat-shit crazy.

  5. #35
    Member Celtinfj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Oh, no I totally understand, I just said discriminatory for the ones who don't like the lines I drew. I may be trying to be prudent and protective of myself, but I can't help but be aware of who I'm hurting anyway with what I'm saying. My own sensitivity frustrates me.
    well, would you rather be hurt by the truth or some soothing lie? myself, gimme the truth any day. And honestly, this is more about you than them, since you're the one who tends to fall for this "type".

  6. #36
    Member Celtinfj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    My crushes throughout my life have typically been overwhelming, but always to some extent hidden, and often with an assumption of them being doomed. Tragic, unrequited love i suppose. Actually more annoying than anything.

    My crushes tend to be controlled on the surface but quite reckless beneath the surface. Because of this many guys overlooked me as being too reserved and uninteresting. The irony of that is of some consolation to me.
    Toonia, I know exactly what you mean. I hide my light under a bushel as well. And the guys who have taken the time to get to know me have been both surprised and delighted.

    In the end, I suppose it's like wearing lingerie under jeans...no one else knows or sees, but *you* know, and that makes all the difference in the world.

  7. #37
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Celtinfj View Post
    In the end, I suppose it's like wearing lingerie under jeans...no one else knows or sees, but *you* know, and that makes all the difference in the world.


    Well put my friend.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

    I want to be just like my mother, even if she is bat-shit crazy.

  8. #38
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    My crushes used to be overwhelming floods of ecstacy, often quite debilitating and all comsuming. That was from about age 14-23.

    Fortunately it hasn't happened in many years, I think maybe I got different priorities, no longer treating daft Beatles songs as the guide to how to live, or what to aspire to.

  9. #39
    Senior Member quietmusician's Avatar
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    Mine last a little longer than expected, lol. Then I move on to someone else. I get bored focusing on one thing sometimes. I kind of bounce around. I'm like a player without the typical player motives, lol.

  10. #40
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

    Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

    How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)
    Before I read all the posts, I'll answer...

    When I have a crush, and a real crush, it laaaaasts. My current crush 1 year exactly. Previous crushes have lasted anywhere from 6months to a couple of years.

    The experience is...different. I experience it in a variety of highs and lows. Its the best feeling, but i don't develop crushes easily because the feelings are very intense.

    I think I have idealized in the past. But I am working to be more present and see the person for who he really is. I find the real version to be much better :-)

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