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  1. #21
    Member Andy K Octopus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

    Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

    How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)
    you can't get that girl out of your head. it is maddening, especially if you can't have her for some reason. when someone else said "the world stops", that is so true.

  2. #22
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    I am prone to crushing out and then in turn getting crushed. I fall often and I fall hard.
    There are people who I am interested in and never get enough interest to really 'seal any deal' though the opportunities are there.
    And then there are people, usually who are not as available, who I yes, somewhat stalk, and just obsess over, and generally get totally retarded over.

    My true crushes affect ALL my decisions as I always want to do things and be places that my crush is at, that my crush will like, that will make me seem more compatible and appealing to my crush.

    It's actually really, really sad. But I can't help myself!

    My crushes are very idealized and romanticized versions of the real people. I'm intellectually very aware of the flaws of my crushes but I'm so emotionally invested and gone that I don't care. I idealize the person in that I believe they are the holy grail and if I can make them reciprocate, then somehow my life will be better and I will be validated as a person.

    But...isn't that how EVERYONE crushes?

  3. #23
    Member Celtinfj's Avatar
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    For the longest time I didn't understand the word 'crush'. I'm still not even sure that I do. So I've really no idea whether I've had crushes or infatuations or what. I know I don't idealize the other person, and I don't waste my time wanting a person I can't have. Of course, this wasn't always the case. So if I crush at all, I want it to be one where he crushes right back

    Does anyone have the same issue with the semantics of the words, like I have?

  4. #24
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Celtinfj View Post
    Does anyone have the same issue with the semantics of the words, like I have?

    Yes, that's why my response tries to find away around it and fails.
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  5. #25
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    I absolutly hate crushes, they disorient me, make me real nervous around the person I like and I blush a lot I can't talk to that person normalli. Which in turn make me frustrated and depressed and pissed off. Also in the past I have fallen for the wrong girls and boy did they have a field day with me. Its been a while since I last had a crush though but I think is because I have matured a lot more.
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

  6. #26
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Third Rider View Post
    I absolutly hate crushes, they disorient me, make me real nervous around the person I like and I blush a lot I can't talk to that person normalli. Which in turn make me frustrated and depressed and pissed off. Also in the past I have fallen for the wrong girls and boy did they have a field day with me. Its been a while since I last had a crush though but I think is because I have matured a lot more.
    Sounds like my crushes, excercises in frustration and getting used.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #27
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    My answer depends on the definition of "crush"

    If you define a crush as admiring someone from afar, I've had a few in my life, but none since high school. They wouldn't last long, maybe a few months. I don't think they had any influence on my decision making.

    If you define a crush as infatuation with someone you can't have, I've had a couple of these. The most recent one lasted for almost 3 years, ending about 3 years ago (she was in a serious relationship with a dumbass, the entire time). We were close friends for most of those 3 years. I do think I had an idealized view of her. We wouldn't have been a good match. Looking back, some of her flaws would have driven me CRAZY if we had ever gotten together.

    She knew about my attraction throughout our friendship. I'm not very good at hiding my feelings, so I'm sure my interest was obvious. I'd like to say she didn't influence my decision-making, but I don't think that's honest. In fact, I think she even had a (very) minor influence on my decision to move to Florida a few years ago (I wanted to get away from her).

    As far as those "my world stops" feelings that others have mentioned, I never had those with any crushes or infatuations. Sure, I liked some of them quite a bit, but my world doesn't stop for people I just like. My world hasn't even "stopped" for most of the relationships I've been in.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  8. #28
    Mamma said knock you out Mempy's Avatar
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    I've never had a crush that crushed me, and I've never had a crush on anyone I knew well. My crushes are always kind of low-intensity.

    The crush I remember best is a very recent one. I think I'd just gotten out of high school and I went to a scholarship competition at my preferred college. All the competitors (thousands of them) were filed into a big auditorium where we waited for everyone to arrive. I sat down next to this plump, poorly-dressed, nerdy looking dude. And I struck up conversation. I asked him something about our nametags, and from then on it was easy conversation. He was exceptionally laid-back, as was I, and we just hit it off really well. The thing that impressed me most about him was his skill in math; he told me he was going into the field of aerospace engineering and that he was taking tons of calculus and other math courses. I'm a simpleton at math, so that amazed me. Well, we waited for about forty-five minutes for a speaker to come in and talk to us, and during that time this guy and I just talked away. We exchanged myspace names, and when I got home from the competition he'd already friended me, I think. I just liked that guy. He had a really cool music playlist on myspace, too. Unfortunately, he was taken. Well, maybe one day we'll meet again, each of us single. (Btw I gave him the MBTI through myspace and he came out INFJ, E9. Cool guy.)

    The other guy is barely worth mentioning because I never spoke one word to him, but I'll mention him because he's the closest thing I can think of to a crush. Well, our desks in my sociology class were set up in a kind of horse-shoe half-circle, so that the desks on the left and right sides of the classroom faced the desks in the middle. He was sitting in one of the desks in the middle, so I had a perfect view of his profile. I saw his jawline and beautiful face. Fell in lust. He was just pretty, but I noticed after my friend who sat right behind him pointed it out, that he didn't really wash his hair that often. That was ok. His jawline made up for that, hehe. Anyhow, he was a jokester and rambunctious and fully alive all the time; intellectual, witty, and clever. Our teacher gave us all the MBTI and posted the results in the classroom. I glanced at his type: ENTP. Makes sense to me.
    Last edited by Mempy; 09-15-2007 at 03:52 AM.

  9. #29
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Sounds like my crushes, excercises in frustration and getting used.
    Yeah tell me about it, I don't know there must be something wrong with me but I always fall for the wrong chicks.
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

  10. #30
    Member Celtinfj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Third Rider View Post
    Yeah tell me about it, I don't know there must be something wrong with me but I always fall for the wrong chicks.
    Examine your patterns. What is it about these women that attract you, and what are you looking for? Lots of people choose flawed individuals because they want to fix them, heal them, or even because they're so screwed up, anyone looks better compared to them. Or perhaps you choose physical attractiveness over the substance of personality. Whatever the pattern is, it's there, and if you choose these women, then you can change that behaviour and choose someone better suited to your personality.

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